


SouthPaw

by LogicalHeart



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boxing, Angst, Children, F/M, Happy Ending, Physical Therapy, Romance, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Tragedy, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2019-07-24 18:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 79,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16180373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicalHeart/pseuds/LogicalHeart
Summary: AU: Steve Rogers was considered one of the best boxers that ever stepped foot in the ring. Being the undisputed welterweight champion with a beautiful wife and kids, he was on top of the world until tragedy strikes. His wife and he end up in a car accident which fatally kills her and leaves him a crippled widow. What happens when Steve is forced be in physical therapy and finds someone who will forever change his world.Rated M: Strong Language And Strong Sexual Content





	1. PROLOGUE.

_"The greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it's over."_

_—[Nicholas Spar](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/2345.Nicholas_Sparks)ks_  
  
---  
  
* * *

 

__

_The sound of cheering fades into the distance like a dull hum behind my ears._

_My eyes were trained on the square ring before you. The bastard managed to survive 10 rounds with me, I guess he has more heart than I gave him credit for._

_Anticipation flows through my body - mix that with excitement and adrenaline that pumps constantly._

_His eyes were fixed on me as he paces side-to-side in his corner. He thought he had this in the bag, he was wrong._

_Before I know it the ding sounds and round 11 has begun._

_I paced around the perimeter of the ring, and wonder who's going to make the first move._

_Guard, block, step back, step forward. Punch._

_Keep an eye on your prey but keep an eye on the prize._

_One false move; that one fraction of a second when you blink or look away._

_Pow._

_I stumbled, dazed by his powerful punch._

_Blood pours from my open cut and pain radiates my bones, but I knew could n’t give up. You don't run from the pain like any sane person would do. You step into it._

_My coach steps through the ropes and examines on my face. A bucket was on the side of me and I hurriedly spat my blood in there._

_"Fuck." He whispers. It's a bad cut._

_"Tell me what to do.”_

_Your feet bounce on the floor._

_"Don't get hit, kid."_

_It's such a simple answer, but advice that could save your match._

_”Steve!”_

_There she was, my beautiful wife, not looking too happy with me. She brushed past the guards and placed her hand on my bruised cheek._

_”Go out there and knock that bastard out.”_

_I nodded curtly and put my mouthpiece in._

_Guess the son of a bitch has to go down._

_Ding._

_The final round begins._

_"Keep your guard up!" My coach bellows from the sidelines._

_You do everything with your balance - you want to move to the left, push on the right toe. You want to step right, push on your left._

_Guard, block, step back, step forward. Punch._

_I spot a weakness._

_Repeat your mantra and focus on that weakness._

_"Fuck, Steve! GUARD!"_

_One thing to remember? Always keep your guard up. All you need is to drop your guard for one second, and that is now your weakness._

_But I was smart and he was mine now._

_I punched him in the face with a left hook combination, throwing him off guard._

_Blood bursts from his face and with another shot to the body, he was down for the count._

_The ten counts easily came and I once again retained my title._

_The crowd ’s cheer erupts and it hits your ear loudly. I fall down on my knees and let out a thunderous roar of victory, my right eye swollen shut._

_I felt familiar frail arms around my neck and soft lips against mines, “Must you keep scaring me like this?”_

_My forehead was pressed against hers, laughing softly, “Just come here.”_

_She smiled back and latched her lips back onto mines._

_”And the winner, by a way of KO….. I give you ….and still the undefeated undisputed champion of the world, Steve Rogers!”_

_I grinned lightly when I felt the belt being wrapped back around my waist. It was gonna stay there until I left this place._

_”Steve, you have retained your title once again and now your record stands at 44-0. How does that make you feel?”_

_”I feel like I’m on top of the world, Daryl. Not a lot of people can say this, but it’s an amazing feeling when you get to retain your title in your hometown. There’s no better feeling.”_

_”Speaking of your hometown, Brooklyn. What would you like to say to them?”_

_I looked around the crowd and lifted my right hand up proudly, “I love you, This was for you.”_

_The crowd roared and the feeling was so electric, ”To my daughters, Maria and Leah, who should be in bed by now, I love you and I’m coming home.”_

_Flashing lights. Different arena. Different crowd. Different opponent. Different scars and wounds. That was the story of my life. I was a walking, breathing, self-made athlete in the world of boxing. I was one of the best, if not the best._

_I was used to getting knocked down, but even more used to standing back up. For the past 7 years, I came out victorious from all of my fights, but I had been knocked down many times. Fortunately for me, I was the best-undisputed champion to ever step in the ring._

_With being a self-obsessed boxer came fancy suits, title belts and a mansion on a hill in L.A. But at least I wasn’t alone, I had my family._

_"How's that eye?" A doctor back in the locker rooms called out to me while I held a bag of ice to my swollen eye._

_"I gotta give it to him." I nodded, taking the ice bag from my eye, "Bastard put up a tough fight." I chuckled which was interrupted by me coughing, a small wave of blood spilling out._

_Peggy used a warm wet rag and wiped my lips slowly, now coating the rag in my blood._

_”Can you walk?” She asked me._

_”Of course I can, look who you’re talking to.”_

_Her lips moved into a thin line as she moved the rag in a soothing motion, “I’m talking to the guy I had to carry up the stairs last time.”_

_It was a nice job. Peggy would disagree with me, but I got paid well, I enjoyed punching people in the face, and I got the respect I deserved when I walked into any room._

_I looked up and cupped her face with my left hand, “Hey.”_

_She leaned into my touch and continue to dab the warm rag against my lips, “There’s only so much I can handle. We need to think about our little girls.”_

_I smiled, standing up and stretching my abused muscles. My arms snake around her waist, earning a grin from her, ”I love you, Peggy.”_

_“And I love you.” I kissed her chastely and began getting my things together in my bag, expecting our cab to be outside waiting for us._

_I enjoyed knowing that I didn't have another fight for a few months. The good thing about my job was that my family and I were taken care of. I was given plenty of time between fights to rest and get back into shape but most importantly, I got to spend time with my wife and my girls. I was lucky if I fought three times a year, yet had a joyful paycheck in my bank every month. I couldn't help but take it for granted. I’d been doing it for seven years._

_I walked through the backstage corridors of the arena I had just fought with a certain limp in my step. Peggy wrapped her arms around my waist and held me up. My body did hurt, but I couldn't say I wasn't used to it anymore. Or Peggy. One of the downsides of the job was coming back home with either a bruised face or a broken body part. Neither was pleasant. But like always, I push through and live to fight another day._

_”You can’t keep doing this to me, Steve.” She whispered as she laid her head on my chest._

_”I know,” I kissed her forehead, grabbing her hand. “Soon, I’ll retire and we’ll have the rest of our lives to look forward to.”_

_”I want to believe that. But this is what you love to do and I don’t want to prevent you from doing what you love.”_

_”Hey,” I tilted her chin and made her look at me, ”I love you more, and no matter what we’re a team. We need each other.”_

_She pressed her forehead against mines, ”You’re right, we’re a team.”_

_“Always.”_

_Suddenly, everything went black._

" _Mr. Rogers_ _, are you alright?" A voice managed to echo in my brain._

 _I opened_   _my eyes and the smell of smoke and gasoline wafted up to my nose._

_My vision was blurry as I tried to process what was going on. Voices became more apparent the more conscious I became. Red and blue lights blended with the texture of the flames. It was then when I realized I needed to hear someone’s voice._

_“Pe...Peggy.” I barely whispered._

_I tried to push myself up but before I got very far my legs gave out and I fell back down. I hissed in pain when I heard the sickening crunch._

_"Sir, we’re going to pull you and your wife out safely."_

_I tried moving my legs again but they remained numb and unable to move. I looked to my side and there she was._

_The sight of her nearly made me break into pieces. There was just too much blood. Nasty thick bruises were forming on her wrists and arms and her lower lip was plump and split into two places._

_Please, be OK._

_I was desperate. I needed to have her in my arms, I needed to hear her voice, I needed to see her face._

_Before I could reach for her, I felt myself being pulled away by a pair of frail arms._

_I groaned again and one of my arms snaked around my waist when I felt a sting of pain down there._

_"Hey? Can you hear me?" The voice asked softly._

_"What happened?” I managed to wheeze out, feeling a huge amount of pain on my chest._

_"You and your wife have been in a really bad car accident.”_

_"My wife...is she..." My eyes suddenly felt very heavy as I held on to the open gash on my hip._

_"Stay with me, Mr. Rogers.”_

_“Peggy...” I lost the volume of my voice and I fell unconscious._  

* * *

 “We are here to celebrate the life of a truly amazing woman, Margaret “Peggy” Rogers. A devoted wife, mother, daughter, and friend who was tragically taken from us too soon." The preacher said as he began the ceremony.

Everyone was dressed to the nines and the whole church was filled to capacity with crying family members and friends of my beloved wife.

She was gone.

She would never come back.

Although we got married right out of college, I knew Peggy was the one I would be with forever. She was the most loving, caring, warm person I had ever met. How could I ever want anyone else?

I was a twenty-six-old widower and those were words I never thought I would utter. How could my wife be gone? Why couldn’t it be me?

I would never be able to look into the big, brown eyes or feel her soft hair or touch her supple skin. She was everything to me and now she was gone.

How the hell was I going to survive? What was I supposed to do now?

The ceremony continued and everyone was balling their eyes out except me. I wanted to pour out my soul but I knew I couldn't. I had to stay strong for my daughters.

I knew Maria didn't understand what was going on and it killed me to think that she would never know her mother. In a couple of years, her memory would fade and she wouldn't remember anything about her. She was so young and no child should have to lose a parent like this. She had such little time with her and I prayed that we had enough pictures so that she could see what a beautiful person her mother was.

Leah was light years ahead of her time. She was like a small adult and understood the severity of everything that was going on. She was smart and creative just like her mother. I held her the entire night after we found out Peggy died and she screamed her lungs out until her throat was raw. What was going to happen to her now that she didn't have a mother? Could I be that for her?

I hated to say it but I couldn't even look at my daughter without having my heart ripped out because she looked more like Peggy every day. I could barely look at myself the same.

I could never do what I love now that I was currently in a fetal position. I was paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors said that I may never be able to walk again.

Another reminder of what I’ve lost.

I lost the most important woman in my life today and I didn't know if I was ever going to make it through.

I needed someone to save me. 


	2. I.

_Natasha’s POV_  
"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"  
— L.M. Montgomery

* * *

 _ **I|FRESH START**_  

Great, more shit to pack.

"Hey, Cade. Can you please come up here and finish packing these clothes?" I screamed downstairs praying that my son would haul his butt into high gear.

It was moving day and I just had to get out of New York.

There were too many bad memories. How could I continue to stay here when every horrible scene of the past six years had been playing in my mind?

"Mom, come on. I can't carry another box." My five-year-old son whined from the door of his room.

"We just have a couple more things and then we're out of here," I spoke with fake enthusiasm to try and get him motivated but it didn't work.

"I want to stay with dad. I don't want to go to LA." He pouted.

I knelt down next to him and got to his eye level, "Hey, look at me." I spoke softly, "We are going to go to California and have a great time. It's so much better than New York. Its warm all the time and they have Disneyland. We will have so much fun. I promise."

"Why can't dad come with us?" He cried.

Because your dad used to scare the hell out of me.

No, I couldn't say that.

Bruce Banner was my ex-husband and father of Cade. To his son, Bruce was the best dad in the entire world and would never lay a hand on him, but to me, Bruce was a nightmare. He got ticked off at the slightest things and laid into me for not having the house cleaned or not making chicken for dinner. The abuse was mostly verbal and only turned physical once but that was enough for me.

Cade never knew of the horrible things his father used to say to me because I didn't want him to think of his dad as a bad man. He looked up to him and I had to admit, Bruce was a good father, just a bad husband.

I don't know how we kept the yelling from Cade for all this time but he never knew anything other than the fact that daddy and mommy used to fight. He would hear my crying sometimes but I never told him why. I just made something up to placate him.

I thought there would be a huge custody battle for Cade, but Bruce didn't put up a fight. He was more than willing to give me full custody with limited visitation although I could see the sadness in his eyes as he signed the papers.

Bruce and I had been married for six years before I couldn't take it anymore. I walked out with a two-year-old Cade in my arms and stayed with my mother on the other side of New York. Bruce was the big CEO doctor type and had money coming out of his ass but I could care less. I just had to get out before I ended up dead or he hurt Cade. We separated for three years before I finally just went ahead and served him with divorce papers. It wasn't like we were going to get any better so I bit the bullet.

No charges were ever pressed and he was never brought before a judge even though there was a massive amount of evidence of abuse against him.

The horrible thing about all this was that Cade resented me for taking him away from his father because he didn't understand what I went through. To him, his father was a god who took him out for ice cream and played football with him but I knew better. On the outside, Bruce was the perfect man and all my friends thought I was crazy for leaving but I wasn't going to tell them the way he treated me. They wouldn't believe me anyway.

Cade knew that his dad and I were divorced but I don't think he really understood what that meant. He just knew that I and his dad weren't together anymore and wouldn't ever be together again.

The beginning was perfect. Bruce was the best gentleman ever and took me on fancy dates and bought me expensive jewelry but as the months went on, something in him snapped. I stupidly stayed with him because I thought he loved me as much as I loved him. I truly did love him and even though I hated to say it, I still loved Bruce …deep, deep down.

We had so many memories together and he was with me since we were little children growing up here in NYC He was a good man but I guess I just did things to irritate him and he definitely took out his anger in an unhealthy way. I played the role of the happy wife like I was told but I was hurting inside. I couldn't live like that anymore so I left.

He now claimed that he was a changed man and even though he was going to counseling and took a class to control his anger, I wasn't so sure.

I went to counseling after Bruce and I separated and got over everything that I was holding in. I wasn't bitter towards Bruce like I should have been because it didn't matter. He did what he did and that was that. I was taught to move on because I couldn't dwell on that pain I went through or I might not ever get back to my life. After that first year, I got over everything for Cade's sake. Cade needed his father so I let him stay over a couple weekends a year but only after Bruce got some help himself. I knew he would never hurt Cade but I wasn't taking any chances.

Bruce still loved me and took every chance to say it. He had been trying to win me back ever since I moved out but I always told him no. I just couldn't go back to that kind of life and even though he had changed, I still couldn't do it. He even told me straight up that Bree, his current girlfriend, was just a placeholder. He said he would never love anyone the way he loved me and I almost felt sorry for him until I would remember the hell he put me through.

"Your dad is busy here in New York. He wouldn't like California anyway. He doesn't like sand." I laughed and Cade's face turned up into a small smile.

I pulled him into a tight hug and rocked him until his tears subsided, "Are you all better?" I asked.

"Yup, I'm fine. When can I get my dog?" He asked excitedly.

I stupidly promised Cade a dog when we got to California to try and cheer him up. I was already regretting that decision.

"You'll have to wait until we get to our new house. We have to move in first and then we'll see about getting a dog."

"Yay!" Cade answered and bounced around his old room.

"First, you've got to finish putting your clothes in the suitcase." I chuckled.

"Ok, mom. I'm going, I'm going."

"Alright bud, I'm gonna be downstairs making sure we have everything aright."

"Ok."

I walked out of Cade's giant room in Bruce’s penthouse and went down the stairs to the marble kitchen that I had spent a year designing.

"Do you have everything?" Bruce's deep voice asked as he sipped coffee from his mug while leaning on the counter.

"Uh…yeah. Everything was shipped out last week and we just have a few more bags so we should be good." I nodded awkwardly.

Now, mine and Bruce's relationship was uncomfortable but improving. We had to stay cordial for Cade's sake and we were actually pretty nice to each other. Since we weren't living in marriage anymore, Bruce's rage was nowhere near what it used to be and maybe it was the counseling or maybe it was Bree, but he just seemed calmer than before, so I was no longer afraid of him.

"I…uh…put some money into your account last week so you guys would have something extra out in California." Bruce rubbed that back of his neck.

"I canceled that account. I don't need your money, Bruce." I sighed.

Thankfully, I had completed college and got my degree in therapy and public relations. That's why we were going to LA. I had set up a job working for a firm that handled high powered clients and I was able to set something up before Cade and I left. It wasn't a high paying job but it was better than nothing. It wasn't that I was opposed to being taken care of but it was the fact that I didn't want to ask Bruce for anything else. I could do this without him.

"I just wanted to help. I feel really bad that all this is happening to Cade and you. You don't deserve this."

"The past is the past Bruce. I don't hold grudges."

We both knew what I was talking about.

"I don't know what was wrong with me Natasha. I'm so sorry I ever laid a hand on you. I should be in jail or something for some of the things I said to you."

"Yeah you should but back then, you had everyone eating out of your hands." I awkwardly chuckled.

"Thank you for keeping your discretion about things." He sighed.

"No problem," I replied.

I was a ruthless bitch when it came to the divorce. I didn't want his money but there was no way I was going to let Bruce have Cade. Bruce was in businesses and made all his money from his image in the public eye. If it would have gone public with some of the things he did to me then his entire job would be in jeopardy. That's how I got to keep full custody of Cade. I bribed Bruce by saying that I would go to the press with everything if I couldn't keep Cade. I hated to take Bruce away from his son but I would have died if I couldn't wake up to Cade every morning or hear his laugh. Bruce gave me everything I wanted in the divorce, which wasn't much but I was shocked to hear the words come out of his mouth.

Cade was my world now and there was no way I could give him up.

Bruce was going to have Cade for a couple weeks in the summer but that was it. Maybe some Christmases but I couldn't make any promises.

"Dad, can I have this?" Cade asked as he came into the kitchen carrying one of his dad's signed footballs.

"Of course. Let me pack it up for ya." Bruce said with a smile and lifted Cade over his shoulder as they went into the back.

I walked around the penthouse that I spent time designing to my specifications but now, that bitch was living here. She was in my house, the one that I had made for my family to live in. Granted, I hadn't lived here in three years but still, my son came over on weekends. I refused to allow Cade to spend time with Bree so she was always had to leave when we were over and she hated me for it.

"Mom, look what dad gave me." Cade jumped up and down as he showed me the football book that Bruce had given him.

"Wow. That's amazing. Maybe you can read it on the plane."

"It's so cool," Cade said in awe.

It amazed me how much like his father Cade was. They both had the same colored skin and curly ebony black hair that never stayed in a particular place. They had the same blue eyes that looked almost like the windows to their souls and got overly excited by football. Cade was actually really small for his age but could run like a cheetah. I don't think I have ever seen anyone go so fast regardless of age. Cade was very bright and enjoyed everything that had to do with education although his attention span was short so he got distracted easily. He was able to begin school early and would be starting the first grade as a five and a half-year-old.

"That was really sweet of you Bruce," I said as Cade went to the couch to inspect his book.

"I want to give him everything I can." He sighed heavily, "I would be more than happy to take care of both of you Natasha…if you would let me."

"I told you, Bruce. We're fine. We don't need your help but thanks for the offer."

If Bruce were allowed to pay my way through life then that would give him just another reason to control me or have power over me.

"If you think that's what's best then I won't complain." He chuckled.

"Thank you."

I turned back to Cade, "You ready little man?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can't wait to go to the beach and play in the waves and go to school and get a dog. What kind of dog are we getting mom? Can it be a big one with lots of furs? I bet I could ride him like a horse? Aww, this is going to be so awesome." He jumped up and down.

"Alright alright, calm down." I laughed, "Make sure you have all your bags and don't forget anything." I said.

"I won't mom, I promise."

"Alright kiddo, I need you to take care of your mom for me ok? Can you do that?" Bruce asked and got on the floor to say goodbye to his son.

I left them alone to have their moment and got all the bags together at the front door. After three more minutes, Bruce and Cade came into the foyer both crying and it broke my heart. I hated to have to do this to both of them but it was best for all of us.

"Ok…so I guess you guys have to go." Bruce cleared his throat trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Yeah…" I replied.

Bruce grabbed some of our bags and then led us into the elevator, down the hall and to the front door of the expensive apartment building before helping us into the car that would take us to the airport.

"I'm sorry it had to end this way, Natasha. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know Bruce." I sighed not really caring about his excuses, "So, Cade's going to be back here for a couple days during Christmas and I guess I'm going to see you then too when I bring him back."

"Yeah and thanks for letting me see him once and a while. I know you don't have to but I really appreciate it."

"Well, he's your son Bruce. You have the right."

"Thank you. I'll always love you, Natasha, no matter what." He said genuinely.

"I know Bruce."

"Bye."

"Bye."

And with that, Cade and I were off to the airport. He chatted me up about football the entire drive there and I tried to stay in the conversation but I just couldn't. Football was not my forte by any means and I only knew the teams that my father followed.

It saddened me to think that Cade wouldn't have a positive male role model in his life now that we were moving halfway across the country but I had to do what was best for my son in the long run.

Cade and I got to the airport in record time and were there a full three hours earlier than we needed to be.

"Mom, what's California like?" Cade asked as we sat in the waiting area of the airport.

"Well, it has lots of sunshine and the waves hit the shore really hard. There are surfers and skateboarders and lots of cool movie stars." I said.

"Do you think that there will be a basketball team that I can join? I really want to play this year. Please, mom?" He begged.

"I don't see why not as long as you don't hurt yourself again." I laughed thinking about last year right before tryouts when Cade tripped down the front stairs of my mom’s house and twisted his ankle.

"I saw this one picture in a book and everyone looked tanned. Is that how they really are in California?" Cade asked.

"I guess so. A lot of people are tanned, unlike your dear old mom." I chuckled.

Unfortunately, I wasn't anything special like the people in LA. I had short blonde hair and green eyes. I was short but not too short and had a minimal amount of curves that were amplified when I got pregnant with Cade but still were nowhere near the plastic beauties out in California.

"Cool. Maybe I will have some friends that can introduce me to a movie star." Cade said.

"Maybe. You never know."

Cade went back to his reading and I picked up a magazine that I had stashed in my bag.

On the cover was the same man who was always on the cover of one of those Sports Illustrated magazines. He had sparkling blue eyes and a weird blonde tinted hair color that made it more of a bronze than anything else. There were streaks for subtle red and gold that made it shine even through the picture. I know, weird right? His teeth were bright white and he looked like a Greek god. Of course, he did. He was Hollywood royalty.

His name was Steve Rogers and he used to be one of the best boxing stars of the decade.

Everyone was so glamorous and I hated to think that these were the people I would have to compete with once we got out to LA. Yeah right. Like I could ever be as beautiful as him.

I still remember three years ago when I first moved in with my mom and all I did was the cry. One day, I decided to pick up a magazine and there was a horrible story about Steve and his wife Peggy who was an interior decorator.

I couldn't remember the details of the article but it had something to do with driving and the car was left totaled. Peggy was killed and left Steve to deal with their two children. It was horrible. That poor man. I wonder how those kids were doing?

As I looked at the picture on the cover, I could see the sadness behind his eyes but he hid it well. I had dealt with enough pain in my life to see through the mask and I could clearly see that the death of his wife still affected him.

Since he’s been crippled on crutches for the last few years, Steve was stripped of his title and hasn’t been caught in the ring since. But it never stopped him from getting around or spend time with his kids.

"Mom, come on. The plane's about to board." Cade said happily and brought me out of my thoughts.

"Ok, I'm ready," I said.

We got on the plane and it lifted off to take us to our new home in LA.

I didn't go to sleep because I wanted to watch Cade make sure he didn't get into anything he shouldn't have. We talked happily before he drifted off to sleep and I had an itch to do something. I tried to read his book on basketball but that wasn't a good idea so I sat in my seat to try and take a nap.

For some reason, I couldn't get the bronzed haired god out of my mind and got the magazine out of my bag to read more about this Steve Rogers.

He was a very beautiful man of course but there was just something about him that made him a hell of a lot more special than any other boxer I had ever seen. He looked so powerful and strong while still having this serene quality about him that told me he was gentle and caring. That was probably from being a father.

I read the articles about him and felt guilty for looking at the pictures because they were all from paparazzi cameras. He had his head down in most of them or a baseball cap on trying to conceal his face while the crutches were tucked under his arm.

I read the captions of some of the pictures just out of curiosity.

Steve Rogers out shopping at the local supermarket.

Steve Rogers taking his daughters to the mall.

Steve Rogers at dinner with his sister, actress Wanda Rogers.

Poor Steve Rogers.

I turned the page and had to stifle a laugh as I watched Steve Rogers sitting on the sidelines of a basketball court with a baseball cap on, roaring loudly with his daughter on his shoulder.

The caption read: Steve Rogers at his daughter's basketball game.

Well, at least he has some form of normalcy.

My job kind of made me an expert on the paparazzi. From a public relations standpoint, they were a logistical nightmare and were used by the studios to put their movie stars on the covers of magazines. Since I used to be in public relations, my clients had to deal with them all the time and it was my job to make sure they looked right in the public eye. I was a publicist/personal assistant/image consultant; whatever you wanted to call it.

I woke Cade up when the plane was descending and had to hold my eyes shut as the massive amount of sunshine poured through the open window.

"We're here baby." I gently rocked Cade until his eyes fluttered open.

"Really? Where's the beach?" He shot up when he was fully awake tried to look out of the window.

I had to laugh at his enthusiasm, "You have to wait until we're on the ground sweetheart."

"Damn." He sighed.

"Where did you learn that word? Don't use that kind of language." I scolded.

"The basketball man on TV says it all the time." He looked at me with wide eyes.

"Oh, well no more of that show for a while. I don't ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again. Is that clear?" I asked in a stern tone and he nodded.

"Can I still have my dog?" His eyes were watering.

"Of course you can sweetheart but you can't use language like that." I smoothed his hair out so that it laid flatter on his head.

"Ok, mommy. I promise." He said. He only called me 'mommy' when he thought he was in trouble.

I just kissed his forehead and tried to quell his fear that he was going to be punished.

"Awwww mom, stop. We're in front of people." He wiped my kiss off and acted like it was poison.

"Oh, that's right. I forgot about our rules." I chuckled.

"You have to learn control." He said maturely.

"I'll try sweetheart."

The plane landed a couple minutes later and we got off in no time. I took Cade's hand and led him to the baggage claim where we got our luggage.

"Mama, what does our new house look like?" He asked.

"Well it's not as big as your dad's house in New York but it's a pretty nice size. It has two floors and three rooms. You can have your own bathroom and I'm right down the hall if you need me. There's a nice kitchen and big backyard so you can run and play football with your friends if you want."

His eyes lit up the entire time I was describing the house and it looked like he was going to cry from excitement.

"This is going to be awesome." He jumped up and down.

"We have to get there first and then you can jump as high as you want." I laughed.

I went outside into the oppressive LA heat but a cool sea breeze was present so it wasn't too bad. My mom had set me up with a small black, Toyota Prius that was inexpensive and economical. It was waiting at the airport for us when Cade and I got outside.

I made sure all our bags were in the trunk and Cade was buckled in before driving off through LA.

I was used to the traffic and the congestion coming from New York but it still annoyed me to wait in the car for half an hour at one stoplight. Cade never complained and stared out of the window as the palm trees passed us by. I kept an eye on him in the rear view mirror as he talked to himself about how cool it was going to be to live in LA. He had always been a docile child and even though he could get into all kinds of trouble, he could spend hours on the floor of his room reading or playing with Legos.

He was the light of my life and I couldn't ever think of a day without him. I didn't know what I was going to do during that month when he was with his father over the summer. Just the thought of it made my stomach turn in knots.

He changed my life when he was born and even though I could never see myself as a mother before, I couldn't see myself without Cade. Everything changed when he was born and now, everything I did was for him. Even the way a drove was to make sure that he was safe and secure. He was always in my thoughts.

"Mama, can we go to McDonald's. I want a hamburger." He asked from the back seat.

"Sure don't you think it will ruin your dinner though?"

"Silly mama. I can always eat." He laughed.

Could he ever. That boy would be the reason for me going into debt because no matter how much I fed him, he was still hungry all the time. No matter how much he ate, he was always waiting for more and would complain about how his stomach was empty when he went to bed even though he would have his food plus some of mine and more. It was insane and I would have to remind myself to get him checked for a tapeworm or something.

I pulled into the closest McDonalds I saw and slowly made my way to the drive-through. I was almost to the end of the line when a silver SUV pulled in front of me. He had the right away so it was rightfully his spot but I was still pissed off. I was here first.

"Shit," I whispered.

"Language mama," Cade said from the back seat and laughed.

He surely got that wit from his father.

There was a deep red scratch across the back bumper where another car had previously run into it but the SUV was still impressive.

"Well, this man just pulled in way too fast," I said.

"Its ok mama, we can wait."

It amazed me how much patience he had because I would have been getting out of the car if Cade wasn't with me. My short temper was something I had yet to control.

The Volvo made my life hell. Not only did the driver not seem to know what he wanted to order but when he got up to the payment window, I could see the attendant just staring wide-eyed for some reason, not moving or anything; just staring. Finally, the driver got his food and pealed out.

I got Cade his Happy Meal and handed it to him in the back. He was content for the rest of the trip and it only took us about ten minutes to get to our new home.

We pulled up to a small brick house that had white shutters and looks very much like something out of a magazine. It wasn't anything overly impressive but was nice nonetheless. I didn't know how we could afford something in this neighborhood because all the houses were really extravagant. The reason I chose this spot in LA was that it had the best private school in the area, which was one thing I allowed Bruce to pay for because we both wanted him to have the best education but I would never be able to afford it.

"Is this it mama?" Cade asked as I helped him out of the car.

"Yup."

Before I could say anything else, Cade shot off through the front yard and ran around like he was in Candyland. I let him continue his marathon while I got everything out of the car.

"This is so cool." He screamed and continued to run.

I got all the luggage out before calling him back to the car to help me. We took the bags up to the front door before I pulled out the key and opened the door.

I had made sure that most of our things were moved in last week so everything was already furnished but a lot of the pictures and other knickknacks were still in boxes because the movers didn't know where to put them.

"Wow," Cade said.

"Your room is upstairs and to the left. The first door." I yelled as he was already up the stairs.

I could hear him yelling as he looked at his room and I knew he was going to love it because I had it painted with a football theme. I chuckled and pulled the rest of the bags inside.

Nothing about the house screamed 'money' but it was very cozy. It wasn't super new or modern but I could definitely see Cade and I making our home here.

The kitchen was small and had dark wood cabinets with a large stove and oven. I didn't want to toot my own horn but I was a very good cook. I could practically make anything and if I didn't know how a recipe was all I needed. The fridge wasn't stocked so I made a list of the essentials that I would need to go shopping for.

The house had a small dining room and a family room that was connected. My dad bought us a TV that wasn't too big but fit perfectly on the wall. The backyard was the main focal point of the house and was bigger than expected. There was a tall, wooden fence that separated it from the other houses and the patio was quite large as well.

I went back inside to see what Cade was doing and peeked into his room. He was playing army men on the floor and blowing things up. Not surprisingly, his room was already a mess and I saw clothes strewn over the bed in all directions. I wasn't going to tell him to pick them up until tomorrow because I wanted him to enjoy himself today, but that was going to be handled in a timely manner.

I went down the hall to my room and loved the simplicity of it all. There were soft cream walls with a carpet to match. There was a large comfortable bed in the middle of the room, which was bare so I took out some sheets from the bag that I brought upstairs and started making it up. I had just got the top cover on when Cade bound through the door and jumped on the bed.

"This place is so cool mom. My room is the best. Did you paint it?" He asked.

It still made me laugh that Cade thought I could do everything. He was at that age where I was the person who made everything in his life happen, which I kind of was but I didn't have the spirit to tell him that I wasn't superwoman.

"No, but I told the painters what to do. Did they do a good job?"

"Yeah, it's perfect. The bestest room ever." He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Well, then I'm happy for you." I laughed at how happy he was.

The rest of the night was spent spending all our time together. It was going to get pretty hectic with him starting school and me going to work so I made sure to keep him with me as much as I could. We watched two of his favorite Disney movies and ate pizza on my bed.

He fell asleep in my arms and I couldn't think of any other place I would rather be.

The next morning, I woke up to a bouncing Cade who was yelling about going to register for school. He was ecstatic and I could barely calm him down enough to tell him to go get dressed.

The school year had already started but it was only September so Cade hadn't missed much. Since it was a Friday, he would just be registering today and be going to school on Monday but he was still excited to see his new place of education. Cade was a sponge and soaked up everything he could from school. I would have to make sure to keep up his educational appetite as he got older and not make his life filled with football.

After we were washed, dressed and fed, I led Cade to the car and we drove down out of the subdivision to the school, which was about ten minutes down the road.

"How many kids go there?" Cade asked and before I could answer, he shot off another question, "How high up do the grades go? Is there a big library? Do I get to stay there all day? What about after school gets out? Huh, mom huh? Why aren't you answering me?"

"Whoa there sweetheart, calm those pipes. I can't answer everything at once. I'm sure they will have a brochure or something once we get there. All your questions will be answered, don't you worry?"

"Ok but I have a long list so I hope the principal is nice."

"I'm sure he will be happy to answer them." I snickered at how energetic my son was. I hope they can handle him.

We pulled into the parking lot of a huge school building that was located on top of a hill and looked very sophisticated. From my research, I knew that the school went from grade K through twelve but all the kids were separated so there wasn't a massive amount of students in each class.

The school catered to some of the elite of LA and many of the Hollywood stars sent their kids here because it was such a good education.

"You ready?" I asked as I took Cade's hand and led him inside.

"Yup."

The school day had just started so some of the parents were still trying to get their kids into class.

I kept walking through the cavernous hallways of the school building and Cade was gawking at everything he saw.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. I didn't see you." A short, bouncing woman with curly red hair said as she ran into me. As soon as I saw her, I was blown away. She was dressed in some of the most stylish clothes I had ever seen and looked like she stepped out of a fashion magazine. I knew fashion even though I didn't like it. Bruce always forced me to be impeccably dressed whenever we went out. She had on impressive Prada pumps that made her seem tall but I could tell that she wouldn't be without them. She had on dark jeans that hugged her skinny legs and a nice blouse that I bet came from DolceGabana.

"It's fine. You don't have anything to worry about." I replied as I picked up my bag that fell on the floor.

"Oh, I don't think I've seen you before. Hi, I'm Wanda." She actually hugged me like we were best friends and I patted her back strangely.

"Uh…hi, I'm Natasha and this is my son Cade." I said and gestured to Cade who held out his hand politely.

"Oh well hello, Cade. It's very nice to meet you. What grade are you in?" She asked.

"First but I'm only five. My daddy says I'm a genius." Cade said like it was the absolute truth.

"Wow. I have a niece in the first grade too. Maybe you guys will be in the same class. Her name is Maria and then I have another niece who is in the third grade."

"I bet they're nice like you," Cade said.

"Aren't you just the charmer?" Wanda giggled.

Just like his father.

"I'm going to let you guys go because I'm sure your mommy wouldn't want to be late for her appointment." She said.

"It was nice meeting you." I shook her hand.

"You too. Did you guys just move here?"

"Yeah, from New York," I replied.

"Oh well here, let me give you my number. Maybe I can show you around. I've lived here my whole life so I know LA like the back of my hand." She chuckled and wrote her number on a piece of paper before shoving it into my hand.

"Well, thank you. Maybe I'll give you a call once I get settled." I said and Cade was pulling me down the hall.

"Please do." She said back.

Cade and I went to the administration office and got him signed in. The principal was more than accommodating with the questions Cade threw at him and didn't even seem to get annoyed when my son asked what they usually served for lunch.

I had to drag Cade out of the room before he started up with another round of questions. The school allowed him to stay for the rest of the day so he could meet his new teacher and classmates. There were only a couple hours left so I just waited in the car for the last bell to ring.

I know, pathetic, but I wasn't ready to give him up yet.

I was there at the doors when the kids came flooding out to the parking lot and he ran into my arms.

"How was your first day?" I asked.

"Great. I met so many peoples. I think I met Miss Wanda’s daughter but I'm not sure."

"I think that was her niece sweetheart." I clarified.

"Oh, well I think I met her too."

"How was everyone else?" I asked.

"They were really nice and I made some friends."

"Wow. How is your teacher?"

"Really nice. She let me have candy."

Great, more sugar.

I ended up taking Cade to the park where he could run to his heart's content and I didn't have to worry about him bugging anyone. The good thing about having a boy is that they seem to be a little more durable than girls. Cade was a klutz in the true sense of the word and fell at least twenty times throughout the day. After his fifth fall, I stopped getting up to check if he was ok because he would just pop back up and brush it all off. He was always really embarrassed whenever I got up to help him so I just stayed seated under a tree and kept him in eye's view.

The day passed and I took him to a local ice cream shop where he ate his cone plus the one I couldn't finish. We got home and I was glad that Cade passed out in the car. I had a hard time carrying him inside because even though he was only five, he still had some weight to him but I managed.

After I tucked him in and gave him a kiss, I went to my room and fell into a nice, peaceful sleep.

This was home.


	3. II.

_Steve's POV_  
"Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery."  
— J.K. Rowling

* * *

_**II|RECOVERY** _

The boxing industry is a strange place.

Not only was it filled with the fakest people on earth but it made no sense how much time others thought about my life. People knew nothing about me but they thought they did from the fucking magazine covers and TV interviews.

My wife was gone but I couldn't dwell on that for long because I had children to take care of.

They needed me more than anyone else during that troubled time and I was more than happy to be there for them because we all had to get through this together.

After Peggy’s death, the paparazzi hounded us at every corner but my children took it all in stride. It amazed me how calm they were about living in this hectic town.

But I knew I needed to shelter them from it, especially Leah. She loved her mother more than anything and after Peggy died, she went into a downward spiral. She locked herself in her room for a couple months and only came out for school. Even though she was young, she knew that her mother was never coming back.

She wouldn't talk to anyone except Pepper, my best friends wife and lost a substantial amount of weight because she refused all but one meal a day. She was snappy with everyone and had an attitude that could rival the worst diva in this town.

I eventually got tired of it all and broke her door down with my crutches. I took it off the hinges so that she couldn't lock herself away and made her at least try to get back to normal. It took a lot of work and therapy but she now resembles some form of what she once was. The sadness in her eyes wasn't gone but I knew that would take a while before it was.

She was very smart and took after her Aunt Wanda in the fashion department. She always had her schoolbooks out and was trying to soak up anything she could, but never turned down an opportunity to go to the mall. She was a happy child and loved to have her friends over. I was glad to see her having a good time when there was this big dark cloud hovering over all our heads.

Maria was the total opposite when it came to her mother's death although I knew it was because she didn't really know her mother. We talked about her sometimes but not often because it would make Leah sad but when we did, Maria acted like she didn't care. She never had a mother figure but luckily, my Pepper and my sister were always present to help out.

Whenever I asked her about what she remembered of Peggy or showed her pictures, she would pout and get an attitude because she said that she didn't remember anything and it made her upset. She would shrug it off after a couple of minutes but it killed me that she never knew her.

The first month after Peggy’s death was the hardest and it felt like the sun had been sucked out of the sky. There was no light in the house, no happiness, no music, and no joy. And with my condition, I found myself in a deep depression also. I even thought about...ending my life. But I knew it would be very selfish of me to ever do that to my little girls.

I never went to physical therapy after the accident. Maybe it was pride or stubbornness but I didn’t want to feel like I couldn’t do anything for myself.

After spending five months in captivity on a wheelchair, I got off my ass did my best to recover and not let this injury beat me. Tony keeps suggesting that I go to a physical therapist so I could get back into the ring quicker, but as I said, I was stubborn.

I wanted to let my little girls know that they didn’t need anyone to take care of them. That they could be strong and independent women...like their mother.

When I was caught outside of the house in my crutches, I would smile for the cameras and wave at the fans; always signed autographs and was never rude but I wasn't happy. On the outside, I was smiling but the inside was just hollow. Nothing there but an empty shell of what I once was.

The clinking of my wedding ring as it hit my coffee mug brought me out of my thoughts and I looked at the man I had become in the mirror.

I had the same blue eyes, smooth hair, slightly tanned skin, and pearly teeth that I always had but I wasn't the same by a long shot.

I grabbed my crutches and hobbled to the living room where two of my dogs were waiting, Zeus and Tank.

They were German Shepards and they moved on the opposite side of each other to give me room to sit on the couch.

I don’t know if it was just a boxer thing, but almost every fighter I knew had huge dogs. They were loyal and protective of me and my little girls, I couldn’t ask for better companions:

Two seconds after I sat on the couch, the front door burst open and a happy Maria flung herself into my arms.

"Dad, I had so much fun! Uncle Tony took us to the beach and I had a fight with LeeLee. She pushed me into the sand and I got a huge bruise. You want to see?"

She slid off to the ground and she lifted up her shirt to show me the purple mark on her rib chest, "Isn't it cool? If you touch it, then it turns colors." She jumped up and down.

"Yeah, that's awesome baby girl.” I held my hand out to her and grinned.

She grinned back and we did our special handshake that we practically knew by heart by now.

"Where's your sister?" I asked.

"She went around to the back for a swim. Can we go outside too Dad?"

"Of course,” I said to her and she just jumped off the couch and ran to the massive backyard with Zeus and Tank on her tail.

That girl has too much energy and I knew she got it from me because I was the same way.

I sighed and went outside to the back.

I opened up the giant sliding glass wall that led to the backyard and I saw Zeus jumped in and waited for Maria to throw the ball. We passed it back and forth with him swimming in between to try and catch it.

"Dad, what's for dinner?" She asked after a couple minutes.

"I don't know. What do you girls want?"

"Pizza!" They shouted.

"Alright then pizza it is." I chuckled.

These were the moments I cherished the most.

I liked spending time with my girls, and despite my injury, they loved spending time with me too. I knew they wanted more from me, but they were satisfied with just my presence. Maybe Tony was right, it was time for me to get my life back.

We ate our pizza and then I put the kids to bed before I went to sleep myself.

I _was watching the sunrise at the beach. It was so peaceful in the mornings in the LA beaches. A cold breeze touched my face. Before a second breeze twirled around me, I could feel a familiar presence near me._

_"Steve."_

_I turned around and there she was. Standing a few feet away from me dressed in a silky dress with a flower crown placed on her head. I couldn't help the smile that crept to my lips, she looked like the day she did when we got married in Hawaii. She still remained flawless in my eyes, not looking a day older._

_"Peggy._

_"Hi, honey," She said with a weak smile on her face. "It's been so long."_

_She walked to me and once she was inches near me,  I just broke down in front of her and fell to my knees, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I failed you."_

_She bent down and kissed my forehead softly, "Stop it, it wasn't your fault."_

_"I should've protected you, it was my job to protect you."_

_"You can't do everything, Steve. There are some things beyond our control." She leaned her head against my shoulder._

_"I don't think I can go another day without you, Peggy."_

_She chuckled lightly, "Then just enjoy this moment with me."_

_We just lay on the beach for an hour, watching the sunset. The sunlight reflected on the water and glistered on my wedding ring. It suddenly weighed like a thousand pounds, like it was holding me back, but I could never depart from it. It was forever a part of me._

_Then I felt her move her hand away from mine, standing a few feet away from me once again._

_"Peggy, what’s wrong?" I asked, trying to reach for her arm only to be stopped by some invisible force. I kept pressing my hand on it to push through but it was useless. "Peg, I can’t get through."_

_She smiled weakly, “It’s not our time.”_

_”No, don’t leave me. Not now, I need you  .”_

_”I can’t, Steve.”_

_Tears were falling freely from my eyes as the smell of gasoline wafted up to my nose, “I’m begging you, please.”_

_A tear fell down her cheek when’s she closed her eyes, “Goodbye.”_

_And she faded into ashes and into the wind._

I woke up in a cold sweat only to feel a groggy five-year-old girl who snuggled up to my chest and got under the covers. She must have had a bad dream as I did. Maria tried to act like a big bad monster but her dreams were very vivid and she hated clowns so that was what plagued her nightmares. She got in my bed whenever her dreams woke her up but by the time she opened her eyes again, she couldn't remember what she was scared about and would be back to normal. 

I moved her head off my chest so that she could lay it the pillow and kissed her forehead.

I didn’t go back to sleep afterward, I just watched over Maria.

Two hours later, she was bouncing on my chest as she screamed for me to get up.

"It's too early Maria." I laughed.

"No way. It’s time to get up to move it," she shouted.

"Ok, ok, go feed the dogs and make sure your sister is up."

She ran out of the room and I went to take a shower.

We left the house an hour later after eating breakfast but it was way too early to go to the movies so I took them to the park where they could run around.

We were there an hour before the vultures descended. I didn't even really notice the paparazzi that much anymore but I always knew they were there. Whenever I went outside, someone was following me and it made me kind of nervous but they had been doing it for years.

Paparazzi were just a job hazard that I had learned to live with, but that didn't mean I had to like them.

It wasn’t like I was anyone special anymore.

I sighed heavily as I remembered the night Peggy died.

That will always be remembered as the worst night of my life. She shouldn't have been killed. She should be here with me and our daughters.

She never complained about this life or the attention she got from being my wife but I knew it made her a little edgy especially when it came to the kids. She was always hovering over them to try and shield them but the more she did that, the more the paparazzi wanted the shots.

Another reason why I didn’t date. Maria always wondered she was going get a new mommy.

That was a conversation that I wasn't ready to have but I knew it had to be taken care of before she got her hopes up.

In all honesty, I never really expect to be married again. No love could ever compare to Peggy and I didn't want to waste anyone's time with a relationship that I knew would never be anything more than sex.

"Look what Charles gave me dad." Maria bounced over to me with a chocolate bar.

I had been nice to most of the cameramen who weren't pushy and they would always give my kids little candies although I never let them eat them. There are some real sickos out there. Who knows what those candies had in them.

"Did you say thank you?" I asked and she nodded.

"Can I eat it?"

"You know the rules. Go throw it away." I pointed to a trashcan and she darted off towards it.

Maria ended up taking a nap on the grass next to me and Leah read one of her books for the next couple of hours. The paparazzi left us alone but I could still see two or three a good distance away waiting to see if we did anything magazine worthy.

Sucks for them.

I woke Maria up and we headed out of the park around three. 

"What ice cream shop are we going to?" I asked as we got in the car.

"The one by the house. They have the best vanilla." Leah beamed.

"Ok then. Any objections Maria?"

"Nope." She smiled.

We made it in record time I noticed some paparazzi following us in their cars but they weaned off after they realized we weren't going anywhere special.

"I want cherry, no vanilla, no chocolate, no oreo." Maria bounced when we got inside the ice cream shop.

This was always a problem we had. Whenever we went to order something, Maria was the most indecisive person ever. We could spend half an hour in a drive through just waiting for him to pick one item from the menu but I usually sped up the process by giving her two options to choose from but even that took a while.

"Hello, Rogers. How are we today?" Stacy asked from behind the counter.

I had been coming to this ice cream store for years and she was always here. I think she had just started her first year in college but I didn't really know anything besides that. She was always really nice to my kids so I didn't have a problem with her.

"Stacy, can I try the new sherbet you have?" Maria asked.

"Sure." She dipped a small spoon in a vat of pink ice and handed it over the counter to Maria who had to stand on her tiptoes to reach it.

She put it in her mouth and turned her face up while the rest of us laughed.

"Sour?" I asked and she nodded.

"Well, how about you just go with the regular vanilla like your sister?" I suggested.

"Well if she's getting vanilla then I want chocolate," Leah said stubbornly.

Typical Leah. Always trying to be different from her sister.

"Ok, so one cone of chocolate and….?"

"I guess I will have the oreo. It is my favorite." Maria said.

"Good and anything for you Mr. Rogers?" Stacy asked.

"No, just the two of them." I handed her my credit card and she went to ring us up.

The door of the ice cream store dinged and a breeze flowed through the shop.

"Hi, can I help you?" Another attendant asked the woman who came to the counter. I wasn't really paying attention because I was trying to wipe the ice cream off of Maria’s chin. We went to go sit down so that they would finish.

"Uh yes….can I have one cone of oreo please?" The women said in a voice that almost sounded like bells. I had to look at her.

"Sure."

"Thank you." She was handed her ice cream.

The woman was very beautiful and had short blonde hair that stopped above her shoulder level. She was slim but still had curves and pale skin that was uncommon for LA women. She was in a dark blue T-shirt that was a nice color on her and had a pair of black Aviators pushed up into her hair, which was a bird's nest on top of her head. I tried to not look at her backside as the jeans hugged her hips but that was a bust. She had unique tattoos that covered her arms and there was only one that I could see on her left forearm that’s read, “Cade.”

I could tell that my kids were talking to me but I couldn't really hear them. My mind was in a tunnel and I didn't know why.

She took one step and it all happened so fast, I didn't even have time to see what was going on. She slipped on the tile of the floor and ice cream went everywhere. We were the only ones in the store so luckily, not too many people were harmed by the ice cream bombs that landed on our table.

"Shit." The woman said and I went to go help her up.

She was so frazzled I couldn't help but laugh.

"You think this is funny?" She snapped and started wiping herself off with the napkins I gave her.

"Oh sorry. I didn't mean to laugh out loud but you have to admit, that was kind of funny. Does this happen to you often?" I asked.

"Not really." She sighed and then looked at me with deep emerald green eyes.

I was used to "the face", but I still hated to get it. I had taken my glasses off when we came into the store so she knew who I was and I could tell that she was up to date on the recent magazines.

Here we go.

"Uh…ye…yeah…you're…" She blushed furiously and it was actually kind of cute. She tried to brush her hair with her hands but her glasses fell off and I bent down a little to get them but she stopped me.

”It’s fine, I can get it.”

"Of course,” I nodded to her.

"Wow, a great way to cap off my first week in LA." She rolled her eyes to herself and put her glasses back in her hair.

"You just moved here?" I asked and she nodded, "Well then welcome. Are you having a good time?"

"I was until I just fell on my ass in front of a boxing star, but we all can’t be lucky right?" She looked at me again with those eyes and I had to physically make myself have conscious thoughts.

_Beautiful._

"Are you trying to break into the business or something?" I asked.

"Uh…no. I needed a fresh start so LA was as good place as any."

Not the response I would have guessed. Surely she was a model or something.

"Yeah well, it was nice meeting you." She said.

"What about your ice cream?" I asked not wanting her to leave.

"My son's in the car and I don't want to leave him in there too long so he's just going to have to wait until we go grocery shopping for some." She smiled.

_Beautiful._

"Are you sure?"

Why was I still talking to her?

I usually never carried on a conversation with anyone I didn't know for this long. It wasn't that she was overly attractive or anything but there was just something about her that made me want to talk more.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She said and went to the door, but turned around with her hand on the knob, "See you around, Rogers."

I went to go sit back with my kids who had finished their ice cream and were still laughing at the woman who fell.

I didn't even get her name.

Oh well. I had to admit that she was beautiful but she was probably like all the other Hollywood bimbos although something in the back in my mind to me she wasn't.

"That was the funniest thing I have seen in a long time." Leah was crying from laughter.

"I feel kind of bad for her." I chuckled.

"Yeah, you dazzled her dad?" Maria said.

"Dazzled?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's what Aunt Pepper calls it when girls can't think straight because you're so damn sexy." Maria laughed.

"What have I told you about that language? I don't want to hear you speaking like that. You're too young to hear those words." I said sternly but I had to hold back the laughs because she was so cute when she cursed. I hated that he did it sometimes but Tony taught my kids more than I wanted him to. Pepper, was just as bad. They had a daughter, Sydney, who was one and a half and I prayed that she would be spared from her parent's horribleness.

"Uncle Tony says I can use them." He pouted.

"Well, he's not your father. Are you guys done?" I asked.

We headed back home and the kids were exhausted from their long day with dad. Leah decided to stay home with me instead of going over her friend's house. They had school in the morning so I made them take showers and get in bed early so that they wouldn't be dragging in the morning.

I read to Maria and asked if Leah wanted me to read to her but she was busy with her own books so kissed her goodnight

I went to bed with a clear mind but couldn't get the color of emerald green out of my head.

_Beautiful._


	4. III

_Natasha’s POV_  
_"Isn't it strange how life won't flow, like a river, but moves in jumps, as if it were held back by locks that are opened now and then to let it jump forwards in a kind of flood?"_  
—

* * *

 

_**III|FLOWS** _

Jesus H. Christ Almighty

I walked out of the ice cream shop after being stunned on my ass by the most gorgeous man on earth.

The pictures in the magazines and snippets on TV didn't do him any kind of justice. He was undeniably the finest creature walking today and I had to fall right in front of him.

I could feel my entire body heat up from the blush that was probably making me look like a freaking tomato.

"Where's my ice cream mama?" Cade pouted in the back when I came back empty-handed.

"They were out," I said quickly and sped out of the parking lot.

"They were out of ice cream at an ice cream store?" He said and raised an eyebrow.

He's too smart for that Natasha.

"Uh…yeah. How about we get some later?" I said and he didn't argue any longer.

The rest of the night went in a daze and all I could see was the blue from his eyes and the bronze from his hair. He had a chiseled jaw that was so beautiful; I almost couldn't look at him. Even in his jeans and T-shirt, he was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen or could even dream about.

I still remember one of his matches that I saw with on TV with my mom. Of course, I thought he looked handsome but I didn't see what all the fuss was about.

Had no one seen Justin Timberlake? Brad Pitt? Johnny Depp? George Clooney?

Now I understood.

Those men were just playthings compared to Steve freakin' Rogers.

I saw him standing there in the ice cream shop like nothing was out of the ordinary. Did he know who he was? I think I saw his kids there as well but my mind was so clouded by embarrassment that I couldn't even form coherent thoughts.

I hate Hollywood; beautiful people everywhere.

I woke up the next morning and immediately hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. The first thing I thought about was how hectic my day was going to be. First, I had to take Cade to his second day of school and he couldn't stop talking about it all weekend so I knew this morning was going to be a chore getting him ready.

After school, I promised him that we would go check out dogs but didn't make the promise to get one yet. I did some research about the pee-wee football league and they didn't really have tryouts but there was a little selection process to put the boys on the proper teams. That was tomorrow so I added that to the list of things I had to do this week.

I didn't start work until Wednesday so I had a little time off. All the shopping was done and the house was finally coming together. It felt like a home.

The alarm went off again and I knew I couldn't hit snooze again because I had reached my sleep maximum for the morning. I rolled out of bed and went straight to Cade's room, which was right down the hall.

I went in and found him sprawled out on his bed on his stomach with his arms hanging off the side. Even though his bed could fit him easily, he always slept wildly.

I sighed heavily because now the fun began.

"Rise and shine sweetheart," I said loudly and patted his back.

He rolled over without saying a word.

"Come on. It's your first day of school." I said with the most enthusiasm I could muster.

He grumbled something.

"What about all your new friends?" I asked.

He grumbled again.

Ok, now Supermom had to make her appearance.

"We have to go." I lifted him so that he was sitting up but his arms and legs were flailing around, "I mean it, Cade, we have to go to school."

"Noooooooo." He groaned.

"You were so excited on Friday," I said as I dragged him out of bed.

"Noooooo."

"Stop being so dramatic." I sighed, "Move it, mister."

"Let me go."

I put him on his feet and his whole body slumped like he was hung over.

"I told you to go to bed early," I said as I looked to his nightstand and saw his flashlight sitting on top of a book.

He liked to read late at night but I keep warning him that it doesn't help that he was to go to school early.

"Fine, I'm going." He moved slowly down the hall to the bathroom and I followed to make sure he didn't try to sleep anymore.

It took forty-five minutes for me to get Cade in his school uniform, which he hated and screamed about but there was nothing I could do about that. I fed him his favorite cereal, which he almost fell asleep in and then forced him out of the door.

"Are you sure you have everything?" I asked for the thousandth time as we pulled into the school.

"Yes, mom." He groaned.

I helped him out of the car and we walked to the door where I saw Wanda standing with some other parents.

"Have a good day sweetheart." I kissed his forehead and he wiped it off.

"Rules mom." He scolded.

"Whatever. Go have fun."

He raced into the school and the bell rang a couple seconds later.

I went to go stand next to Wanda who the only person I knew in LA.

"Well hello there. Aren't you looking nice today." Wanda said with a heavy tint of sarcasm but it was too early to play with her.

"Uh…well thanks. Its just jeans and a T-shirt. Nothing special."

"We'll work on that." She laughed, "You didn't call me this weekend."

"Oh, was I supposed to?"

"I told you to." She said pointedly.

I tried to go through my memory to think about anything that happened last week but I couldn't think about anything prior to my stupid ass fall yesterday at the ice cream shop.

"Sorry. I must have forgotten. It's been kind of a busy weekend with moving and all." I smiled. I didn't think it would be necessary to tell her my whole embarrassing ordeal.

"I guess I understand but don't let it happen again." She giggled but I could tell that she was serious. I had found out that Wanda had this weird dual personality going on. She could be the sweetest person one second and then a demon the next. I didn't know what that was all about but I just hoped that my only friend in LA wasn't a psycho.

"You just dropped off your nieces?" I asked.

"Yup. I do it every morning. Their father is really busy and when he's not, I let him sleep in."

"You don't have any children?" I asked and didn't know if that was appropriate but I did it anyway.

"Not yet. My boyfriend and I have only been going out for about a year but after we get married, it's on." She laughed, "Is Cade your only one?" She asked and I nodded.

"He's sweet."

"Thank you."

"I need more girlfriends. I don't really hang out with anyone besides my sister-in-law." She said out of the blue, "I'm glad you're here and not fake."

"Well then here's to a fast friendship." I held out my hand and she shook it firmly.

"Ok then, the first rule of this friendship, keep your eyes on me." She said seriously and I quirked an eyebrow.

"Why? What's happening?" I asked and tried to move my head.

"Don't move." She said quickly.

"Wanda, you're being weird.”

"To your left, there are two women who are mothers of some of the kids in the school. If you make eye contact, then they'll want to speak. They're the worst bunch of bitches you will ever meet." She sighed.

"Interesting,” I said and nodded.

"Damn." She whispered and I saw a flash of pink in my peripheral vision.

"Hi, I'm Lisa Matthews and this is Vanessa Thompson." A woman with light blonde hair said and held out her hand.

I shook it, "Natasha Romanoff." I replied. She completely ignored Wanda and I found that weird but I didn't say anything.

"You're new?" The other woman asked.

"Yes, me and my son Cade."

"Well, we're happy to have you."

"Thanks."

"So what do you do?" Lisa asked.

"I work in public relations and I’m also a physical therapist.”

"That's nice and your husband?"

"None of your business," I said and immediately the conversation changed. The look in their eyes told me that they were judging and I had the urge to get defensive.

"Oh well, that's…nice," Vanessa said.

"Wasn't your husband just arrested for credit card fraud Ness?" Wanda asked.

"No, there was an investigation Wanda. That's not the same."

"I just go by what I read in the business section of the LA Times. They're very reliable. According to them, he cheated all his clients out of millions." Wanda said innocently.

"That article was totally fabricated." Vanessa snapped.

"Oh really? How much did that Prada bag cost?" Wanda asked and Vanessa shut her mouth as she inspected her purse.

"Ok well, it was nice meeting you, Natasha," Lisa said quickly and dragged Vanessa to another part of the school grounds with some more parents.

"dumme Hündinnen" Wanda huffed in a thick German accent as they walked away.

“I didn’t know you spoke German,” I grinned at her.

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,” she winked.

"What's their deal? I felt like I was being thrown into the Spanish Inquisition." I laughed.

"This is no laughing matter, Natasha. These high powered moms are very competitive, but you handled it well." She patted my shoulder.

"Shit like that doesn’t bother me. Why are they like that?"

"I don't know. Everyone's marriage in Hollywood is practically on the rocks and they're no exception. Vanessa’s husband sleeps with almost every female in the state. He might be coming after you next. I wouldn't be surprised." She looked me up and down. "You see that man over there?" Wanda pointed to a man who was leading a group of kids to the playground.

"Yeah?"

"Well Lisa’s husband is sleeping with him so…nothing is as it seems in this town" She snickered.

"I guess not."

"It's really sad actually. I have pretty much given up on them both within the first ten minutes of meeting them."

"Don't they love their husbands at all?"

"Probably not but their marriages are just for convenience. Vanessa is always trying to get a hold of my brother whenever he's at the basketball games. Her son and Maria are on the same team."

"Maria plays?" I asked trying to get off the subject of the two bleached blondes.

"Yup. She’s actually really good, she’s the first girl to play on a junior league boys team." She said proudly.

"Cade's been wanting to play. I signed him up yesterday."

"Oh good. I hope they're on the same team, then you can come to games with me and I can introduce you to her father." She got a mischievous look in her eye, "…who's single by the way."

"I don't think so, Wanda. I'm not looking for anyone." I chuckled.

"But you're so nice and sweet, exactly what he needs in his life. Not these fake women who walk around all day trying to get his money."

"Still no. I have to focus on Cade right now. He's had a rough couple of months and I don't know how he'll react if I add a man into the mix who's not his father." I sighed.

"That makes sense I guess. You doing anything right now?" She asked happily.

"Why?" I said skeptically.

"Calm down, I'm just wanted to know if you wanted to come to lunch with me or something. I don't have to be at work today so I got nothing better to do until I have to pick up the kids."

"Sure thing."

I spent the next couple of hours with Wanda at some swanky, hip Hollywood café that served all the stars. I didn't know how Wanda got a table but we didn't even have a long wait before we were seated. We mostly talked about me and why I left New York. I was vague on the details but for some reason, I felt like I could trust her.

We talked about the kids and the football league. She gave me all the insight into the school and who to stay away from when it came to parents. She had to leave when she got a call to go to work for an emergency but I told her I would see her tomorrow morning for school.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed rapidly in my pocket.

I picked up, “Natasha Romanoff speaking.”

“Hello, this is Dr. Aaron Michaels. How are you doing today.”

“Umm, fine,” I replied, a little confused.

“That’s great to hear. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time but it’s a matter of urgent business.”

“Not a problem at all.”

“Splendid.” He said politely. I could hear paper shuffling in the background, “Well, I’ve been requested to find a physical therapist as a favor for one of my friends. His client is crippled and refuses to see one.”

“Sounds stubborn.” I joked lightly.

“You have no idea,” he chuckled. “We’ve received your resume this morning and I think you are well qualified to work for us.”

“I’m honored, thank you so much.”

“Not a problem, we would like for you to start right away. Is tomorrow OK?”

“That’s perfect.”

“Good, I’ll debrief you on your patient when you arrive. Have a nice day,” he said.

“Thanks, you too.”

I went to a bookstore to wait out the rest of the day and got a couple of novels that I had been meaning to read. Before I knew it, it was time to go get Cade.

I was waiting at the door for him when he came out of school with a giant piece of paper. He jumped in the car and wouldn't stop talking but I loved to hear everything that happened during his day.

"Look at what I made mom?" He held up his painting and I looked at it in the rearview mirror.

"It's a beautiful painting sweetheart." I praised his picture of the new house.

"I think I'm going to send it to dad." He said.

Bruce said he would call every day but that hadn't really happened lately. Bruce had only called once and even then, he only talked to Cade for a couple minutes. I felt a stab of pain for my son but he didn't seem to notice how his father was neglecting him and I hoped that his obliviousness would keep up because I didn't know what I was going to do when Cade asked for him.

"How about we go look at dogs?" I asked happily trying to keep my mind off of my ex-husband.

"Yay!" He screamed.

I went to the place where I had heard about the adoption center and Cade was out of the car so fast, I almost didn't see him. He pulled me to the door and we spent the next hour looking at dogs. Cade was wide-eyed the entire time and when he pleaded with me to get him one, I couldn't refuse.

In true Cade fashion, we got the biggest dog they had and I didn't know how this was going to work because there was no way I could care for both of them. Cesar was a giant St. Bernhard who must have weighed upwards of seventy pounds but he was just a year old. The adoption center gave us a giant bag of dog food and a leash for Cesar and we carried him to the car. He barely fit with Cade in the back. At least he was potty trained.

Cade immediately took to him and he laughed the whole way home while Cesar licked his face.

This was going to be a long couple of weeks.

The next day came and I had to wake up Cade the same way I did every day but this was different because now, I had to deal with a giant monster sleeping in his bed as well. Cesar took domain in Cade's bed when it was bedtime and I thought I put him downstairs in the laundry room to sleep but I guess he got out.

I groaned as I saw Cade curled up to the massive beast who was resting on his basketball sheets. Both of them were snoring like chainsaws and I knew this morning was going to be a tough one.

"Ok, let's get a move on," I said loudly.

It was so cute at how they both rolled over at the exact same time but didn't open their eyes. Cesar blew the air out of his mouth and his lips flapped like a horse.

"I mean it. You have to feed the dog and get ready for school." I lifted Cade up.

"Mooooooooom. Just leave me alone." He moaned.

"Nope. This is what you do now. This isn't any different than New York. Come on." I picked him up off the bed and Cesar thought that meant it was time to play.

He jumped on us and Cade and I fell to the ground with Cesar on top of us. He started licking my face and Cade began to laugh uncontrollably. We were both pinned under his giant weight and as much as I tried to move, I couldn't.

"Mom, I think Cesar likes you." Cade giggled and got the dog off of us.

"Yeah, well this isn't happening every day. That was uncalled for." I huffed and got off of the floor, "Into the bathroom. Go." I commanded.

"Ok, come on boy, let's go get ready." Cade played with Cesar all the way down the hall and I cursed myself for making that promise to get him a dog, but as long as he was happy, I guess I could live with it.

Cesar was fed and we let him go out of the bathroom before we put him in the laundry room with his toys and bed. We only had time for pop tarts for breakfast and I raced Cade into the car so we could make it to school on time. We made it just as the last of the kids were going inside.

"I'll pick you up right after school for basketball tryouts," I yelled at him.

"Ok, mom. I love you." He screamed back.

"I love you too."

He ran inside with the other students.

"Aren't you sweet." Wanda cooed from behind me.

"Hello to you too Wanda."

"Here, I got you some coffee." She held out a cup from Starbucks and I took it.

"Thanks."

I took a small sip, "How did you know what I liked?" I asked.

"You just look like a two creams, two sugars kind of girl." Wanda giggled.

"Well thank you again." I smiled.

"So, what're the plans for today?" Wanda asked.

"Nothing besides basketball after school. I don't have to buy him any gear do I?" I didn't even think to remember that kind of stuff.

"Nope. They have all that there. The hardcore parents have special things but you don't have to bring anything but the children."

"Good. What about you? Anything special?"

"I have to go to work later but I should be done in time to pick up the kids."

"Where do you work anyway? I don't think we got that far yesterday during lunch."

"Oh, I'm a makeup artist. Well, my dad calls me a wardrobe supervisor but he just made that up. I basically just make sure everything looks good before filming." She said proudly.

"Wow, that's glamorous." I chuckled.

"But what about you? I bet you've worked with some big stars." She said in a tone that was detached like she didn't want to talk about it.

"Well no, not really. I haven't been in public relations since Cade was born and there aren't that many famous people in New York. Just a bunch of rich folks. I'm more of a publicist I guess you could say, so I make sure everything looks good for interviews and stuff. But lately, I’ve been doing more therapeutic work.”

"Well, maybe you can work with someone famous out here," Wanda said.

"I doubt it, but you never know." I shrugged.

We stood around for a couple more minutes just watching some kids play on the jungle gym and took small sips of our coffee.

"My brother will be there." Wanda wiggled her eyebrows.

"Oh lord Wanda, you've got to stop that. I will in no way need your help in setting updates or finding my special someone. I tried that already so I'm taking it slow."

"Just saying."

"I don't think so, Wanda."

"But he's so lonely." She pleaded, "All he has is those kids and he tries to convince himself that he's happy but he's not. I can tell, we all can."

"So you want me to go on a pity date with your brother?"

"Or a real date…"

"Just drop it, Wanda. Subject change."

"Fine, fine."

Wanda had to get to work so I spent the day back at the house and let Cesar roam around. I found out that he was a fairly easy dog to care for if he wasn't prompted to act crazy by my son. I decided to make a big dinner for Cade to have when we got back from basketball practice.

I made some of his favorites; fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and broccoli. I praised every deity up there that Cade eats everything I give him no matter what it is. In all his five years on this earth, he will eat anything but bananas and I don't know why. Vegetables were never a problem with him so thankfully, he got all the vitamins he needed.

I finished the colossal meal and saw that I had ten minutes to get to school. Cade would never forgive me if I made him late for his first practice. I got to school and the bell rang. Cade came running out a jumped in the car.

"Go mom go." He shouted from the back.

"Calm down bud. How was school?"

"It was fun. I have the bestest friend now. Her name is Maria and she plays basketball too. She’s Miss Wanda's daughter. Do you remember mom? We met her on the first day."

"Her niece sweetheart. Wanda doesn't have any kids. Maria is her niece." I chuckled.

"Same thing. She’s going to meet us there. Go faster, mama." He pushed the back of my chair.

"I don't want us to die. Gosh. We have a while before we have to be there." I said.

"No, Maria said that if we get there early then we can run around with the other guys before it starts."

I got to the gym a couple minutes later and Cade ran out of the car but I called him back.

"Hey, hey. Cade, you have to change your clothes." I screamed.

I took Cade to the bathrooms that were near the field and waited outside while he went to go change into his gym shorts and a T-shirt. I noticed that there were some paparazzi getting their cameras ready so that must mean that a star's kid is trying out or something.

Cade came out of the bathrooms and threw me his clothes before running to the court

"Be careful," I shouted.

"Ok, mom."

I went to the concession stand and got a slushy before seeing Wanda sitting in the stands with some other parents that I knew from school.

"Hello. Finally, you're here." Wanda pulled me to a seat next to her, "I've been listening to these hyenas cackling for the past half hour."

"Sorry. Cade had to change and stuff." I took a sip of my drink.

"No worries. How was your day?"

"Good. I just relaxed before I have to go to work tomorrow. My vacation is over." I said.

"What are you going to do with Cade after school gets out every day?"

"Well I don't work every day but when I do then I guess he can stay at the daycare at the school." I shrugged, "I guess I should have checked that out."

"No stress. I can pick him up from school and bring him to practice. What time do you get off?" She asked.

"Right around the time practice lets out."

"Well, then that's perfect. You can pick him up from here every day."

"Thanks, that would be a great help. Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Its no problem, really. See what good use friends are." She beamed

"You are amazing Wanda. Kind of like a child." I laughed.

"That's what my brother says."

The practice started and the group of about one hundred boys was separated into twelve teams and they were all broken off to meet with their coaches and teammates. I could easily pick out Maria in the crowd as she tied her hair up into a ponytail.

"Oh good, Cade and Maria are on the same team." Wanda clapped her hands together.

"I'm going to have to meet Maria. She’s all Cade talks about these days."

"Same on our side. Wait here, let me go get my other niece so you can meet her." Wanda jumped off the bleachers and ran to a tree where there were a group of girls sitting who looked to be about nine or ten.

She came back holding the hand of a stunning, long, brown-haired girl who was just as bubbly as Wanda was. She was small and had big blue eyes that shined in the sunlight. Even as a child, you could tell that she was going to grow up to be incredibly striking.

"Natasha, this is my niece Leah," Wanda said and brought the girl over.

"Hi." I held out my hand to shake it but she just looked at me strangely.

Then she broke out into laughter. I didn't know what was so funny but she was practically rolling on the floor in side-splitting guffaws.

"Uh…did I do something?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, she's just being rude." Wanda said furiously, "Leah, stop that."

"I'm sorry Aunt Wanda but this is the woman I was telling you about at the ice cream store on Sunday. The one who fell and got us all." She continued to laugh.

Wait for what? Is she talking about the time when I fell on my ass in front of Steve Rogers?

I don't remember seeing anyone else there but like I said before, there could have been an elephant in the room and I wouldn't have noticed.

Shit on a stick.

"Wait…you're the ice cream lady?" Wanda asked, trying to suppress her own laughs.

By this point, Leah was on her knees with tears in her eyes.

I didn't think it was that funny but maybe I would if I was on the other side.

"I guess so." I shrugged.

And then things began to click in my head.

If Leah was there on the day I met Steve then that must mean that she was there with him since there weren't any other adults in the store at the time. That meant that she was Steve's daughter. If she was Wanda's niece then that meant that Wanda was Steve's sister.

I looked at the court and saw my son playing tag with Maria, meaning she was Wanda's other niece meaning that she was Steve's daughter

Just my luck.

Double, triple shit on a stick.

"You made my day." Leah held out her hand, "I'm Leah."

I shook but my mind was completely shut off. I didn't know what was going on around me.

"I have to go to the car." There was still an hour left of practice so I could wait in the car until Cade was done and then we were moving. No joke. I hate LA.

I shot out of my seat so quickly and spun around to head towards the exit but ran into something hard. I heard a collective gasp from the onlookers and felt several pairs of eyes on me.

He grunted a little and managed to catch his balance on his crutches.

"I'm so sorry, I...” I stopped was saw blue; ocean blue.

Triple, quadruple shit on a stick in the middle of a fucking volcano.

"Natasha, this is my brother Steve." Wanda said from behind me with a smug tone, "I guess you guys have already met." She giggled.

Steve looked at me with a confused look for a second before his memory made the connection, "The ice cream shop right?"

“We’ll leave you to it,” Wanda winked at me as she dragged Leah back to her seat.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He probably thinks I'm a stupid bitch who can't walk straight.

I just stood there looking at his beautiful face wondering if he wanted to speak sincerely or if he just came to make fun of me. He had a crooked smile on his face that almost knock my socks off but his eyes were deep and told me that he had something to say.

"Sorry to bump into you, I could have seriously hurt you." I looked down at his hunched legs as he stood on his crutches.

"Its no problem, I’ve been through worse. Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I nodded curtly to him.

"For a moment there, I thought you were going to have a panic attack."

"I’ll survive.” He stared at me for a while as if he was studying me.

“Everything alright?” I whispered to him.

"There’s just something about you,” He said and I managed to smile a little. “What’s your name?”

"Natasha Romanoff," I spoke in a voice that was a little louder than a whisper.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you, Natasha Romanoff. I'm Steve Rogers."

The sound of my name coming from his deep, silky voice almost caused me to shake. It was like smooth butter and I had never been so turned on in my life.

"I guess our kids seem to like each other," I said, clearing my throat.

"Yeah. Maria's been begging to have Cade over since Friday."

He leaned a little closer to me, and I caught a whiff of his scent. So much for the no hormonal teenager act; my panties got a little damp and I brought my legs closer together to try and stop the pleasure from ripping through my body. He smelled … incredible. Sweet, musky, and … manly. What did he use in the shower?

No. Don't think about him in the shower.

"Yeah."

That's all I could say. Sue me.

Then he suddenly burst out laughing and I couldn’t help but quirk a brow at him.

"What's so damn funny?" I snapped.

"I'm just thinking that the only two times I've met you, you were falling or tripping on yourself. You make my life interesting."

"Well, I'm glad I amuse you." I got up to leave but he quickly grabbed my arm before I could.

"Come on, I'm sorry. I just don't think I've ever met anyone like you." He chuckled.

Now I was pissed. Who did he think he was to make fun of me? He didn't know me.

"What are you even doing here?" I asked forcefully.

"Maria. She’s on the same team as Cade." He said. He ran his hand through his hair and I almost fell out. He was so damn sexy without even trying and I had to put my own hand behind my back so I didn't attack him.

"Right,” I rolled my eyes because the answer was so easy.

I didn't even register that I was talking to a famous boxer until I saw three flashbulbs go off from my side.

"Hey, Steve. How are you today?" A guy with a camera said.

"Fine Charles. How are you?" Steve asked calmly.

"Good. Is this woman your girlfriend?" He asked.

"No, just a woman who bumped into me." He snorted.

"How do you think Sharon will feel about this?"

"I've told you guys that we're just friends." Steve sighed.

"Oh, well ok. Thanks for the pictures. Have a great day."

It all happened so fast, I didn't really have time to understand what was going on. The cameramen were gone as fast as they appeared and then it was silent once more.

"Did that bother you?" Steve asked concerned.

"Uh…no. I've dealt with them before. It's no problem." I shook my head.

"Really?" He nodded his head like he was thinking deeply.

"What?"

"It's nothing. I just never expected you to be so calm. Any other woman would have either posed for them or ducked out of sight." He snickered.

“Shit like that doesn’t matter to me,” I shrugged.

“So…if I remember correctly, you just moved here?" He started and looked over at me curiously.

Something about him was making me extremely hot and bothered. I had to make sure to focus because my libido was causing my heart to thump in my ears.

What was it with this man?

"Yeah. I and Cade just got here from New York last week." I responded.

"Wow, New York. That's impressive. Why did you leave, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Just a fresh start," I said like it was a memorized answer.

"That seems logical but LA? Could you have picked a more hectic city?" He chuckled.

"Yeah, I'm kind of regretting my choice now."

"Don't be, I like having you here." He smiled and realized he was flirting. Or was he?

I looked into the depth of his baby blue eyes and I saw a swirl of pain and hurt in his pupils, mesmerizing me easily. But then my eyes landed on his left hand and saw his wedding ring placed around his finger.

“Something wrong?” He asked softly.

I looked back to him and smiled weakly, “I don’t know yet.”


	5. IV

Steve’s POV

"The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only." 

— [Victor Hugo](https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/13661.Victor_Hugo)  
  
---  
  
_ **IV|ATTRACTION** _

* * *

Her name was Natasha.

It felt good to finally know the name of the woman who I had saved in the ice cream store.

Ok, so maybe saved was an overly dramatic term but I couldn't stop thinking about her. She was so different and unique. I didn't even know her but I could tell that she wasn't like anyone else.

Every time she opened her mouth, something surprising came out.

We made idle chitchat and I realized that I was genuinely talking to her; not just answering questions like I normally would. She was smart and impressed me with what she had to say. I didn't want to sound like I was obsessed but I was hanging on her every word. The seconds passed and I was beginning to like her more and more.

It hadn't even been two hours yet and I was completely taken with her. Everything about her from the sound of her voice to the way her eyes sparkled when she spoke and don't even get me started on that blush. She was incredibly endearing but sexy at the same time. Jesus, every time she bit her lip I had to stifle back a groan.

Did I like this woman?

I think I did.

I went to bed that night with several conflicted thoughts running through my brain. Over the past three years, I had been on dates but I never considered them anything more than a nice dinner. I never had a connection to them. They were just a pretty face or someone to pass the time so I wasn't so lonely, but this woman…she was different. After Peggy died, I become some sex-crazed hound who used women as a way to get over things but this feeling was…strange.

I think I liked her, but I couldn't.

How could I like her? I felt like a cheater on my wife, which sounds silly but I took those vows to heart and said that I would only love her for the rest of my life. How could I go back on that? There was no way I could. Peggy was my one and only love. She was the one who birthed my children and gave me everything I could have ever wanted. I couldn't let some woman I was attracted to come and destroy her memory.

This feeling I had in the pit of my stomach would pass wouldn't it?

I woke the next morning exhausted from my late night of thinking and I dreaded getting up but I knew it was time to get the kids ready for school. I pulled myself up and went to the bathroom.

I got out of the shower and instinctively checked my phone like I always did.

14 text messages. 5 voice mails.

Great.

I redialed my managers’ number because he was the one who called the most.

"Hello?" His soft voice came from the other side.

"Hey Tony, sorry I didn't pick up. I was in the shower."

"Oh good, I thought you were ignoring me." He chuckled.

"Of course not, what do you need?"

"You're going to hate me for this."

“Try me,” I chuckled.

“Well... yesterday I made a few calls down at the Cedars Hospital.”

“OK?”

“And I called for a physical therapist.” He continued and I gripped the sink tightly.

“Tony.” I growled.

“They said they hired a new therapist last week..”

“Tony.” I growled again.

“And I set you an appointment for this morning.” He said cheerily.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” I yelled at the phone.

“I know you’re mad but...”

“Tony how could you do this without my fucking consent. I told you I don’t want to see a damn therapist I’m fine.”

“You’ve been saying that shit for over three years and nothing is getting better.” He sighed.

“I’m doing quite fine thank you very much.”

“Alright, I’ll make you a deal. Go today and see how it’ll suit you and if you hate it, you’ll never have to go

back there again.”

I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose, "Alright, fine I'll be there after I drop the kids off."

"Thanks, champ. I am so sorry about all of this but I promise, you won’t regret it." He said happily, "I’m doing this for you and the kids.”

"I hate you." I groaned.

"Awwn I love you too, Steve. Don’t be late."

"Whatever." I closed the phone and rushed to get dressed.

I got the dog fed, the kids up, frozen breakfast burritos in the microwave, and everyone out the door in an hour. I got to the school pretty early and my eyes immediately began searching for the blonde haired beauty who I got to know yesterday.

"You kids have a good day at school." I gave each of them a kiss on the forehead and then they were off.

I waited in the parking lot for ten minutes and still didn't see her.

"She dropped him off early today." Wanda’s chirpy voice said from behind me.

"Who?" I asked trying to cover the anxiety in my voice.

"Don't give me that. We all know who Steve.” She smirked.

"Why are you even here. I told you I'd drop the kids off today." I huffed.

"I was bringing Natasha some coffee so we could have our morning talk but she left early for work. Why are you still here? I could have sworn you dropped them off ten minutes ago."

"I…uh…" Couldn't come up with a good excuse, "Shut up."

"Don't try and hide it Steve. You like her." She poked my chest.

"Not now Wanda."

"So, are you going to ask her on a date?" She bounced.

"No Wanda. I don't like her." I lied.

"Yes you do. I can tell just like I could tell that you liked Sussie Marckinson in the forth grade and Macy Gibbons in the seventh grade and Dorothy Brit senior year and then Peggy that first year of college." She ticked off the names on her fingers.

"You are so nosy you know that?" I chuckled.

"But I know you and I know you like her."

"Let me just say this once. I. Do. Not. Like. Her."

I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to get over this infatuation I had with Natasha. She had a child and needed to focus on him like I needed to focus on mine. I wasn't going to cheat on Peggy anyway so I was going to force myself to just calm down. I could be friends with the woman since our kids were like bugs in a rug but I didn't have to keep ogling her like a stalker.

"Keep telling yourself that Steve." Wanda huffed and dipped her coffee.

I let out a long breath and began my drive to the hospital.

Physical therapy seemed like big a waste of time to me, anyway. It wasn't real medicine—just a lot of really expensive stretching. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to spend three hundred dollars two to three times a week just to have someone else stretch my body for me. I could pay myself the same amount and do it myself like i have been.

Sitting in the waiting room, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the feigned calm atmosphere of the place. All the walls were painted pale yellow with a gentle white trim. Soothing music escaped from speakers hanging from ceilings all throughout the office. All the therapists spoke in muted yet encouraging tones, like all the therapy patients were battling stage four cancer.

"Mr. Rogers?"

My head snapped up as I was effectively pulled from my inner conflict.

The nurse, who was a guy, was holding my file, looking somewhat annoyed. I was obviously the only patient in the waiting room, and I'm sure he had my picture in that file somewhere, so I shouldn't have been surprised to find him staring irritably at me, probably wondering why I wasn't acknowledging her question.

I stood up too quickly, and practically fell over the small side table next to my chair. The nurse took a quick step forward and reached out to help steady me, his brow furrowing now in what looked like concern.

"Are you alright?"

“Yeah,” I grunted as I placed my arms back over my crutches.

He snorted in ignorance, "I guess we know how you ended up like this," he bit out, gesturing mercilessly to my knee braces.

“Excuse me?”

"Oh, you know," he spat, rolling his eyes, "Tons of people who fall all over themselves just standing up from a chair never end up in physical therapy because of their own clumsy behavior."

His words cut deep and I was on the verge of killing him.

“Listen you piece of shit...”

My words surprised him, but they shouldn't have. There was no hell he could have thought he could talk to me that way and get away with it.

"Michael," I heard someone say behind him. It sounded like a man, and he sounded like he was gently chastising my new friend.

I glanced behind him and saw an older man than Michael. He had short blond hair and blue eyes. He smiled when he saw me watching him, and I nodded in respect.

"Steve Rogers?” he asked cheerfully, directing me away from Michael.

I nodded again, looking at the bastard with hatred in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Connelly ." I was shocked at the sudden shift in the bastards tone. He sounded unabashedly apologetic. Dr. Connelly was clearly some sort of head doctor around here. "Please forgive my behavior."

The doctor chuckled softly, waving his hand in my direction. "You don't owe me anything, Michael , but I think you certainly owe Mr. Rogers an apology."

I watched Michael clench his fists at his sides, obviously tensing just at the thought of apologizing to me. He opened his mouth but I held a hand up to stop him, “Cut the shit. I don’t want to hear it if it’s not sincere.”

Dr. Connelly surprisingly smiled warmly at Michael before gesturing forward. "Shall we?"

I nodded as he led me down a few winding hallways, all painted that same maddeningly mundane pale yellow with pristine white trim.

"You guys sure do like yellow," I commented absently.

"You catch on quick, Mr. Rogers." We continued moving briskly through the mazelike building, and I actually started getting dizzy. Soon, we’d reached our destination.

"If you'll have a seat on that chair, your therapist will be with you in just a few moments."

Before he could leave the room, I said sincerely, "Thank you, Connelly." I didn't elaborate, certain he'd know what I was trying to really say without having to outright call one of his nurses a complete bitch.

"Paul," he offered simply, smiling, and I nodded, knowing that meant he understood my appreciation.

He left the room then and shut the door quietly behind him, remaining considerate but clearly very busy.

I looked around the wide bright room and sighed, “So this is what is come to.”

My thoughts were interrupted by the frenzied arrival of who I assumed could only be my therapist. She opened the door and shut it behind her quickly, grabbing my file from the holder on the inside of the door. I didn’t even noticed Connelly left that there. I must be really letting this whole therapy thing get to me.

My therapist was moving and fidgeting so rapidly around the room as she flipped hazardously through my file, I couldn't even get a good look at her at first, but when she finally faced me and stilled, I felt like I'd had the wind knocked right out of me.

It was her.

My therapist was none other than Natasha Romanoff. She ran her hands through her hair a couple times as she presumably read over my file, squinting at a few of the details and causing me to squirm a little.

She looked up, and my heart stopped. Her emerald green eyes were so alluring, more alluring than anything I'd ever seen before or would probably ever see again. Her lips parted slightly as she let out a breath, “Steve...”

“Natasha...”

She blushed a little before she finally tore her eyes away, scanning my file more scrupulously. I took in her figure , the way her black tank top clung desperately to her perfect breasts, the way that perfect breasts tapered into the most sensual, curved hips I've ever seen in my entire life… I felt my breath quicken of its own accord. God help me, but I let my eyes travel below those hips.

"Steve ?"

I jumped slightly and looked at her beautiful face, “Yes?”

“I said are you ready to get started?” She chuckled at me, and I almost came undone at the sound.

“Uh...sorry. Yeah, of course.”

* * *

 

"Come on Steve, just keep pushing. You can do this!"

It was almost the end of my session with her and I had to admit that this Natasha that took control and ordered me around was very...enticing. She was pushing me to the max that I haven’t reached in a long time, and I loved it.

I gritted my teeth and began lifting my leg against the weight machine again. I slumped back against the seat once I was done and let out a large huff of air. I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest from the physical exertion but the high was worth it. I missed this feeling.

"Alright, come on show off, let's get you stretched and outta here. You're starting to scare the other patients."

She leaned in close to whisper in my ear conspiratorially, and I shivered lightly. As she led me over to the stretching mats, I was left to think about the odd tingle that seemed to shoot through my body as I reveled in her closeness.

Normally I have a pretty strict policy in regards to my personal space , but it was different with her. It was almost as if … I wanted Natasha in my personal space. Did I?

"That was a pretty intense first workout, so I want to make sure I stretch you out properly." Natasha’s words echoed as her hands moved to my shoulders, urging me onto my back.

I closed my eyes, and as Natasha helped me switch from one leg to the other, I groaned at the sensation. "Don't fall asleep on me."

I could sense the smile on her lips, and I opened my eyes so I could capture the sight. I loved the way her eyes lit up with her smile.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She winked at me, "Good. Now’s the moment of truth.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Seeing if you’re able to move your feet.”

I felt disappointment flood my system as I dreaded of this part of the therapy. Apparently, Natasha noticed my change of mood, “Why so glum?"

I tensed up slightly, not quite willing to admit of how this affected me. "It’s just... I’m afraid."

“Afraid? Of what?” she asked softly, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Her mouth was directly beside my ear. Her hot breath on my skin did things to my body I didn't want to examine too closely right at the moment, so I just shrugged.

I didn't look up at her when I spoke. "Not to discredit your therapeutic abilities, but I’ve been believing that I may never walk again.."

I realized vaguely that she moved to kneel in front of me, “You don’t believe you can?”

“I’ve accepted the fact I might not be able to.”

Up this close, I couldn't stop myself from staring at her. Her face was pure beauty, eyes that could easily pull you in to her will.

“I just don’t want to fail, not at this.” I bent down my head down in shame.

Her fingers tangled in my hair as she laughed softly, “You can’t fail at something if you don’t try. And it’s going to happen. You will fail at something but you just have to get back up and try again.”

I looked up at her and smiled, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Yes, but it’s good to hear it every now and then.” She stood up and took my hand, leading me to a secluded area.

I looked at the seemingly daunting stretch of rubber trail with hand rails flanking each side. I was supposed to walk this? No, no, no. I can feel my legs start to give way as my hands flail, reaching out for the handle bars, my arms supporting my entire body weight.

"Take your time, Steve. Take as long as you need," Natasha tells me soothingly.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. "I-I can't do it Natasha."

She moved in front of me and placed both of her hands on my arms. After a moment, she looked up at me expectantly, inching her face almost imperceptibly toward mine

"Im here for you,” she whispered, her voice soft and quiet.

"Ok,” I said a bit breathlessly. Inwardly, I grimaced. I sounded ridiculous.

"Ready?” she asked quietly, her eyes searching mine for the truth. I nodded in response.

"Good," she finally smiled as she moved her hands down my lower leg.

Slowly, she began peeling back the bandages, cringing at the sight revealed to me. Stitches weaved through red and angry skin holding it together.

I didn’t like looking at my scars, it was another horrifying reminder of what I'd become.

She placed her hands on my thighs, applying pressure with the palms of her hands and the tips of her fingers. I could feel a slight pressure, but mostly it was nothing but numbness. You know when you're sitting in an uncomfortable position for too long, and one of your extremities 'falls asleep' and suddenly it's tingling all over? Well that's kind of what it felt like; only the tingling was not as intense.

"Try now," She mumbled as I stared intently at my toes.

It didn't matter how long I stared at them, it was impossible. They weren't budging. They were just not picking up on the signals my brain was sending them.

“I can’t, Natasha.” I grunted, trying my best to move the bastards.

“Ok,” she nodded and moved away from near me to the other side of the rails. “Close your eyes.”

“Nat...” I sighed.

“Just do it, for me?” She quirked a brow at me and I couldn’t resist.

“Now, relax. Breathe.”

I did.

“Now, picture yourself being able to move your legs. Think of yourself being in an open field, there’s nothing but you. Try something small, try moving your toe and we’ll go from there.”

I waited for a few moments, trying my best to do what she asked. That was the main thing on my mind, not disappointing her.

And then, it moved. My toe moved. It really fucking moved.

“Natasha...” I breathed out.

“I know,” she whispered. “Keep going.”

My fingers clutched onto the railings on the side of me tightly, keeping my eyes closed. I kept breathing in and out, doing exactly what she told me to.

Five minutes later, and nothing still happened. I felt a churny feeling within the pit of my stomach when I didn’t feel my legs move. Was it hopeless? Was it all just a waste of time?

“Steve,” I heard Natasha’s voice in front of me, her breath hitting my chin. “Open your eyes, Steve.”

I slowly opened them and there she was, staring at me with a small smile tugging on the corner of her lips.

My heart beated rapidly in my chest when I realized what was going on. I looked behind me and realized that I was no longer in the spot that I was in not too long ago.

“Natasha, did I...” I breathed out and she placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Yes, you did.”

“But...how?” I whispered. I didn’t even realize I was moving my legs at all.

“It seems that from the exercises you did yourself gave you an extra edge’from the exercises we did today. I just needed you to dig down and find your inner strength to move them a little..”

“So...I can...walk?”

A sad smile hit her lips,“Yes and no. Since this is the first your legs have moved in years, we need you to be confined to a exoskeleton for a few weeks to fasten your healing process.”

Words couldn’t express how grateful I was to this woman. The time Natasha and I spent together were the highlights of my day and she was always on my mind. I wanted to know what she was thinking all the time but she never gave anything away. We kept up a constant level of flirtation but I didn't know if that meant she liked me or if she was just being overly nice since I was famous like some girls would.

So was Wanda right with her three levels of infatuation bullshit? I liked Natasha, that was for sure but did it go beyond that?

I think it did.

Shit, I'm in trouble.

What would Peggy think if she knew I was falling for someone else?

Falling? Was that the right word? Was I actually beginning to have those feelings for Natasha?

Holy shit.

I tried to think about what Wanda had told me earlier: It had been three years. I had to try and move on. It was true, I loved my wife more than anything but she was gone and she wasn't coming back. I was lonely but that doesn't mean I should try to force myself into a relationship that might never work because I was still hung up on a woman who died three years ago.

This wouldn't end well for anyone. I could already see that but Peggy would want me to be happy wouldn't she?

“I owe you so much, Natasha.”

She chuckled lightly,” You don’t owe me anything, I’m just doing my job.

"I have to repay you in some way, are you hungry?" I asked shyly.

Great opening line shit head.

"Oh…I didn't even realize it was time for lunch. I've been so wrapped up in all of this I kind of forgot." She giggled and the sound was like an antidote to the stress I was feeling, "Why?" She asked.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go to lunch. You have to eat." I pointed out.

She raised her eyebrow and had a smirk on her lips, "Are you trying to ask me on a date Mr. Rogers?" The way she said 'Mr. Rogers' sent a pulse straight through my body that I tried to ignore but couldn't.

"Are you accepting?" I asked the same playful tone.

"I guess I can make time for you ." She shrugged, "Did you have any place in mind?"

Holy shit. I think I just got my first date with this amazing woman.

"Well I didn't make any reservations because I didn't know if you would say yes." I laughed a little .

"So what you're saying is that you've been planning this little date for a while?"

"Well no but a guy can wish can't he?”

“I guess so, let me fill out your paper work and then we can go.” She smiled at me as I sat down on the leather couch, waiting for her to return.

"So, where are we off to? I don't really know anywhere around here since I just moved and all." She asked as she made her way out the gate.

"Oh that's right. I keep forgetting that you just came here. Well then I guess we're going to have to go out a lot more so that I can show you around." I tried to gauge her reaction from the corner of my eye.

"I would like that." She said quietly from the drivers seat and I could practically feel the heat coming off of her blush.

I couldn't keep the smile off of my face the entire time she drove down Hollywood Boulevard to one of my favorite places. She pulled into the packed parking lot of Yamashiro and turned the car off.

"Do you need help?" She asked me and looked down at my legs. The braces were a little heavy on them but Natasha said I’ll get used to them soon.

“I’ll be fine,” I slowly moved my legs and got out of the car.

"Pride to swollen?” She teased.

"This is a date and my mother taught me well."

She didn't flinch from my words so I assumed I was ok to call this a date. I was going to try and work that word into our conversations as much as possible.

I went into the crowded restaurant after Natasha and went to the reception desk.

"Why hello Mr. Rogers. So nice to have you again." The owner came out and kissed my ass.

"Its nice to see you again as well Mr. Roliti. Table for two please."

He looked at me like I was crazy and then spotted Natasha standing behind me. I usually just ate here alone when I wanted a nice meal to think. This was the first time I brought anyone who wasn't in my family here.

"Of course sir." He grabbed two menus and led us to the back.

"You have a fair amount of clout in this town." Natasha whispered as we went to the back.

"You know it." I placed my hand on the small of her back and guided her even though she didn't need me to help her.

We sat in a large booth and I could see the people whispering and pointing but I tried to ignore it.

"I hope you two have nice meal and if you need anything, just ask." Mr. Roliti said, "Your waiter will be out in a minute."

"Thank you,." I replied and he left us alone.

"Wow, this stuff looks expensive. Maybe we should have gone to McDonalds." Natasha said as she looked over the menu.

"I told you that this was a date so you don't have to worry about anything." I told her and threw the word in there again. I gave her the "crooked smile" that my grandmother and mother said could kill a bull, praying that it worked on

"Ok but only this one time. I don't like people spending money on me." She shook like she was repulsed and I had to laugh because she looked so cute.

"You're a very interesting person Natasha ."

Our drinks came and then the waiter took our orders.

"I think I will have the steak done medium well." I said and handed him my menu.

"And for the lovely lady?" He turned to Natasha with a smile that was a little too friendly and for some reason my hand shook like I wanted to slap the man.

Was that jealousy there Steve Rogers? I think it was.

There was no doubt about it; I had feelings for Natasha Romanoff.

She ordered spaghetti and then we sat around sipping our drinks. I heard the snapping of a camera phone but I didn't turn my head to see who it was.

"People keep staring at you." Natasha whispered across the table.

"I think they're staring at us."

"Us?"

"Yeah. They think we're on a date." I smirked.

She thought for a minute before an evil smile came to her face, "Well aren't we?"

"Yes but I think our definition is different than theirs is." I said.

"Oh, well what's your definition? Just so I'm clear." She said and I could tell that she was teasing me with that devilish grin.

" I usually just go on dates with random women who my sister sets me up with and don't ever plan on calling them back. If you were some random woman, that's what this would be."

"But I'm not some random woman?" She asked and tilted her head.

"No. You're…"

She was what? Did I want her to be my girlfriend? Was it too soon for that? Damn. Did people even use the word 'girlfriend' after high school? Lord help me.

"I'm…?" She pushed.

"You're a woman I plan on calling back every chance I get." I said smoothly and she seemed totally oblivious to my internal debate.

She nodded her head, smiled and took a sip of her water.

What the hell did that mean? A head nod gave me nothing.

God, this girl was driving me crazy. How can a woman who I've known for a month make me question everything I've ever thought to be right?

"So, since this is our first date, I think we should play twenty questions." She said with another devilish grin.

"That sounds like fun. How about we switch off with the asking?" I ran my hand through my hair and thought I heard her catch her breath but when I looked up, her face was composed.

She must have acted before.

"I'll start. What is your favorite color?" She asked me.

"Blue."

"Green."

"What's your favorite holiday?" I asked her.

"Thanksgiving."

"Christmas." I chuckled.

"Ok, favorite type of music?"

"Anything except opera." I shuddered at the thought .

"Same here."

We continued that for a good ten minutes and we just ended up talking instead of asking each other questions.

I found out that she was an only child of divorced parents and loved her son more than anything in the world. That only made me more attracted to her because I could see the light in her eyes whenever she talked about Cade. She was divorced and we didn't go into her ex-husband but I got the feeling that she had some bad experiences with him, really bad experiences.

"Hey, we stopped asking questions." She said and twirled some pasta around her fork.

"Ok, then you start back up." I prompted.

"Did you go to college?" She asked.

"Yup. Princeton. You?"

"I went to Pratt Institute for literature. That's actually my major but I went to grad school for public relations."

"What for?"

"I really wanted to be a writer but Bruce wanted me to chose something practical so I switched., but I love my work so I guess it all worked out in the end."

I noticed that she flinched when she said Bruce . Whoever that was must have done something bad and I had a sneaking suspicion that it was her ex-husband but I didn't want to push.

"What happened to your writing?" I asked.

"Its in a box somewhere in my mom's attic." She chuckled.

"Favorite movie?" I asked trying to get the questions back on track.

"Uh….The Godfather Part II."

"Not part I?" I snickered.

"I like it but Part II was just so much better."

"Alright. I can see where you would think that." I nodded, "Your turn."

She thought for a minute, "This might be a little forward, but I really want to know. Actually no." She shook her head and chuckled nervously.

"Now you have to ask me." I said and took a bite of my steak.

"Favorite time of year?"

"Summer,”

She smiled darkly,"With who and at what age was your first sexual experience?" She asked and I choked on my water. “Tongue tied?”

"No no. Its fine, you just caught me off guard." I thought for a minute, "Wow, that was a long time ago but I think it was Mandy Van and I was thirteen."

"Are you serious?" She asked with wide eyes.

Shit, maybe I should have lied.

"Uh…yeah. You?"

"No. We'll get to me later. You were thirteen?" She brushed off my question and continued pushing. I couldn't help but laugh at her investigative skills.

"Yeah. Well I walked in on my best bud Bucky once. I don't even think he noticed me watching but I doubt be would have cared either way, but I wanted to be like him so badly because he was the cool guy and everyone loved him. A week later, I was making out with Mandy Van on her couch and bada bing bada boom." I shrugged.

"Did you even know what you were doing?" She asked sill in a shocked voice.

"No and it was horrible but Mandy kind of coached me. She was sixteen."

"Ok, this is getting a little too weird." She held up her hands.

"Oh no. You're not getting out of this easily. What about you?"

She sighed, "It was Cade’s father and I was seventeen."

The mentioning of Cade’s dad kind of put me on edge but I didn't let it show.

"That's not so bad. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"It would be if you knew Bruce." She said under her breath but I caught it.

"Is that his name? Bruce?"

She looked like she didn't want to answer but nodded, "Yup. Bruce Banner ."

Holy shit. I know who he is.

He was one of those playboy types five years ago and now ran one of the most successful hedge fund firms in the country. He handled all the big money for a lot of the wealthiest people in the US. I had never met him but he was supposedly a real douche bag. Well that's what the magazines said at least. He was a really big shot on the east coast but people still knew him out here sort of. She was married to him? She was Natasha Banner at one point? I tried to go through my mental database to see if i recalled anything about her from the articles i read about him but nothing came to mind.

The shock on my face must have shown because Natasha let out an awkward laugh.

"I know. I've been avoiding the 'who's the ex-husband' question for as long as I could. I knew people were bound to know him out here. There's just no escaping him." She played with her food.

"Sorry. I just never knew you were so high up on the social ladder."

"Well, Bruce hasn't always been either. We used to grow up together back and he was the sweetest kid on the block. We used to always play in the rain and make snow cones when it was hot and then we both went off to college after we started dating in high school. He became rich, the rest was history." She said and finished off her water.

"Wow."

"Yeah, but I don't really have any contact with him anymore. He's just Cade’s father to me. We aren't friends or anything. I don't even take child support from him." She shrugged.

"That's good I guess. What happened? If you don't mind me asking?" I rushed.

"Heavy stuff for a first date Mr. Rogers." She deflected.

She was about to say something else but a waiter stalked over and asked if we wanted desert. We said no and then I was handed the bill. Natasha tried to argue with me but I wouldn't even let her hold the thing in her hand.

We got out of the booth and as soon as I saw the scene at the front door, I groaned because this was something I really didn't want to deal with especially with Natasha in toe. The word must have gotten around that Steve Rogers was at lunch with some "mystery woman" and now the paparazzi were swarming the place.

"I guess that was nice while it lasted." Natasha said and I opened the door for her.

We were outside and good thing I had my sunglasses on because the flashes from the cameras would have blinded me if I didn't. I knew that I had to keep my head down and not speak a word. I tried to shield Natasha as best I could while we walked to the car.

"Steve, Steve, is this your new girlfriend?" Someone shouted.

I wish.

"When did you start walking, are you trying to make a comeback to the boxing industry?!"Another asked.

“Who is she?”

Natasha Romanoff, the greatest woman on earth.

"How long have you been dating?"

We aren't dating….not yet anyway.

"Who are you?!"

We braved the frenzy, I opened her door for her and made sure she was in before pushing my way through to my side. I got in and it took us ten minutes of her honking the horn for the cameramen to move so I could get out of the parking lot.

"I'm so sorry about that. Are you ok?" I asked as I raced back to the lot.

"Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." She was kind of frazzled but seemed to be taking everything in stride, "I've kind of dealt with them before but nothing compared to all that."

"Oh that's right, Bruce’s kind of a big deal in New York isn't he?"

"Yeah, just a little bit." She smiled.

"I really am sorry about all this. I bet you didn't expect your life to change this much when you moved out to LA."

"No, but it's a good change."

I drove and we stayed silent for the most part.

We were at my home and the car was off but neither one of us moved. For some reason, the air was thick and heavy. The collar on my shirt seemed to tighten and I looked over to see Natasha just staring at me.

Her emerald green eyes were intensely boring into my face with a look that was a mixture of lust, pain, frustration and passion. I knew that look.

I knew it. She did have feelings for me.

"Thank you for lunch, Steve. It was incredible,” She giggled.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it."

For some reason, I needed to touch her and she seemed to notice.

"You can hug me Steve." She smirked and I gladly wrapped my arms around her tiny body.

The hug wasn't anything inappropriate and to an outsider, it would look like friends but to me it was much more. I didn't know what was appropriate so I didn't push myself. Just the feel of her body in my arms was enough to pacify me for now.

She giggled again as I pressed my palm against the small of her back.

“I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me today,” I lifted her chin with my finger.

“I’ve already told you, you don’t have to thank me, it’s my job.” Her face was now inches from mine her breath hitting my lips. 

At that moment I couldn’t help myself.

I cradled her face in my hands and leaned in a little, my nose brushing against hers, “Steve.”

I leaned in closer only to feel a pang pull on my heart. I couldn’t. I sighed deeply and leaned back to press a small kiss on her forehead, “Thank you, Natasha.”

That was the end to one of the best days I have had in a long time.

Over the next three days, nothing really materialized from our "almost kiss" but the most important thing was that it was out there and she knew that I wanted.

I had been so wrapped up in my recovery exercises that I didn't have any time to call her but I sure as hell wanted to. I know it sounds like I'm being a pussy but I used Wanda and Maria as spies. I didn't have time to make it to the last couple of football practices so I couldn't see her. They said she was happy and Wanda almost forced me to call Natasha one night when I came in the door at midnight

Natasha has other patients than me so that’s why I rarely saw her. There was kind of a dull pain in my chest that throbbed whenever I thought about her and I ached to pull her into another hug or even go further and complete our kiss but I wasn't going to push the envelope.

Thankfully, I was definitely going to be seeing what I could do about getting a real date out of Natasha.

"Maria, hurry up!" I shouted from the kitchen while Leah was sitting on the couch eating her breakfast burrito with Zeus at her feet.

"Hey dad?" Leah asked.

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"Are you going to ask Natasha out today? Aunt Wanda said you would."

I dropped the spoon that was in my hand and heard it clatter to the floor. I quickly picked it up like nothing happened, "Uh…why do you want to know?"

"Because, I really like Natasha. She bought me a slushy yesterday when Aunt Wanda wouldn't." She smiled at me, "I used to think that she was mean but she's really nice and actually smart. She gave me a book the other day." Leah said happily. “And Aunt Wanda told me she’s helping you walk again.”

"So, you would be ok if I took Natasha to dinner?" I asked skeptically.

"Sure. I would normally not like you going out with other girls but you look so happy all the time. Its really funny. I bet you really like Natasha" She winked and went back to her reading.

She was the one I was worried about the most.

Over the past two days, I had come to terms with Peggy and convinced myself that she would want me to be happy so I didn't feel as guilty for liking Natasha but I was worried that Leah wouldn't take to kindly to me dating another woman. I knew Maria would be ok with it because she had been asking me practically since she met Natasha if I was going to go out with her but she didn't really know what that meant.

I guess I don't have any reason not ask her out now.

And suddenly, my heart took off like a lightening storm.


	6. V.

_Steve's POV_  
_"Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny."_  
_— Steve Maraboli_

* * *

 

**_V.|HISTORY_ **

"You're awfully quiet today Mr. Rogers… everything okay?" Natasha's voice rang through my head, pivoting my focus back to her.

I chuckled, "This is how I focus, Romanoff. Get off my back." I closed my eyes, continuing to move my legs at a fast pace.

Sweat was evident over my body as I continued my daily exercise. We've been going on like this for a month and the change in me was evident. I felt more...alive. And that was rare, and it was all because of her.

I wanted Natasha on more than just a sexual level and I couldn't understand why she was affecting me this way but she was. I needed to man up and just ask her out on a date already. Was I ready for that, was she ready for that?

"You're doing great, Steve." Natasha stood in front of me to fix the small piece of hair that was in front of my face.

I managed to grin at her.

"What?" She asked as she smoothed out my hair and ran her hand along my hairline.

"Just like your touch. You're very soft." I took her hand in mines and ran my thumb over her knuckles. I lifted her hand to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on her palm, never letting my eyes leave hers.

The entire place dissolved into no one but us. We were the only two who mattered and I didn't even know where we were anymore. I felt us draw a little closer. This was a weird place to have a first kiss but I could care less at this point.

"What are you doing Steve?" She asked. Our faces weren't too close but close enough.

"I'm… I don't know." I said seriously.

"We're in public." My mind was beginning to go blank form the closeness.

"I don't care. I can't stay away from you anymore. We've been beating around the bush for weeks. Please don't make me do it anymore." I pleaded.

"We need to talk to first." She said as she inched closer to my lips.

"So talk."

"I…I…"

Her hand never left mines and I was happy to keep it there. My arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer.

"Yo, Rogers!" A voice boomed from my left and I jerked slightly in my spot.

Damn it...

I turned around to be met with a familiar and old face. The man who paved the way for my success. My first real mentor and father figure; Roman Silvio. It feels just like yesterday when I first met him.

_I had been walking home from school one day (after getting into a fight with some guy about bumping into me in the hallway with my backpack digging into my shoulders from all the books I had in there when I passed by a building I had never noticed before that day. Usually, I kept my head down when I walked home from school, trying not to look anyone in the eye and keep my senses on edge in case anyone tried to jump me on the way home. It happened all the time in my part of the city, so I knew better and tried to stay invisible and aware._

_Boxer's Ring, the large, blue painted, brick wall read in huge, white cursive letters. Below read the phone number and the name of the owner. It piqued my interest in the name. Knowing how to fight in Jersey was a skill that would be well used around here._

_I hesitated for a moment, calculating whether or not Wanda would be home safely by now, and decided to finally just go in. As I walked through the heavy, metal doors that led into the Boxer's Ring I felt my heart start to speed up and gradually climb from my chest, up into my throat._

_As soon as you walked in the smell of vinyl, leather, sweat, and heat filled your nostrils. The entire inside of the square cut building was made of concrete; the walls, the floors, and even a few benches that seemed to be molded into the floor below my old and worn out sneakers. There was equipment I had never seen before lining every single inch of wall available and right smack in the middle of it all was a boxing ring._

_It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life, with four large red posts wrapped in padding to keep you from knocking into it too hard and each connected by three, white, elastic cords that could swing you back into an opponent easily. The blue box beneath raised the ring off the floor a good four feet off the ground and read Property of Boxer's Ring on the side where the steps that allowed you to walk up to the box was displayed._

_What had captured me the most was the two men brawling right in the middle of that ring. I couldn't see their faces, due to the position their hands were held in to shield from any blows being thrown at them but as I watched their entrancing circling I knew right then and there that this was what I wanted to do. What I wanted to be. Who I wanted to be._

_The man lunged forward at the darker male with such grace and fluidity that I gasped as he threw six or seven blows within seconds, causing his competitor to fall back into the cords, and gripping onto them for support. The mop-haired male was the winner without a doubt. They laughed loudly at something one of them had said as they pulled off their gloves with ease and the blonde male helped the other to his feet, patting him graciously on the back, neither holding grudges towards one another at all. As they hopped down from the large box of the boxing ring the darker male left to what I presumed was the showers through a large blue push through the door. The man grabbed a fluffy white towel and water bottle before noticing me._

_As he looked up from taking a swig of his water, he stopped dead in his tracks, a few feet away from me now. At first, I thought he was going to kick me out for trespassing or something and I really wouldn't have cared, seeing boxing like that, all up close and personal was the most magical thing in my life. He didn't kick me out, though. He smiled down at me and placed a hand on his hip, taking another swig of water._

_"You come here to take lessons?" the stranger asked. He set down his water bottle and was now using the towel to wipe off the sweat that poured from his face._

_All I could do was stare up at the man in awe, trying to take him all in. I couldn't exactly find words at the moment._

_"Huh?" I finally managed to struggle out. He chuckled and threw the towel in the same place he had put his water bottle down._

_"What's your name, kid?" he asked in a gentle tone as he looked over me in an assessing manner. Not something you'd expect from such a great fighter._

_"S-Steve." I stuttered out. "Steve Rogers," I said with a bit more confidence and tried adjusting my heavy backpack into a better position on my shoulders. Something caught his eye and soon he was grinning ear to ear._

_"Well, Steve, do you know how to fight?" he asked as his eyes bored into my own. It was a question that about half the population of my high school knew the answer to._

_"Yeah. I guess." I shrugged casually, as I tried to remain as calm as possible. His grin grew wider._

_"You have bruises on your knuckles," he said taking a step forward and plied my hands away from my backpack strap._

_"Yeah," I cleared my throat nervously as he looked over my purple and blue knuckles from the fight earlier today._

_"Well," he sighed and reached behind him to grab something off the shelf above his head. "Why'd you fight the guy?" he asked, not looking me in the eye. Instead, he opened a bottle of something that smelled foul and poured it onto my knuckles._

_I hissed in pain and tried to retract my hand from him, but his grip was firm. He soon began wrapping my hand in something soft and sturdy. It was some sort of blue spongy tape first and then another sturdier and much more stable white tape over that._

_"I've got a little sister," I said moving my hand after he let it go, for me to examine. I flexed my wrist and wiggled it around a little noticing it felt much better. I heard the stranger, who had just fixed my hand, give another low chuckle. I looked up to see him smiling down at me._

_"That's a good reason," he offered at me and sighed while shaking his head. As he looked back at me I could see something in his eyes and face begin to change._

_"You want to learn how to fight, for real?" he asked, leaning in to stare at me eagerly._

_Yes! I wanted to scream. More than anything! But I knew I couldn't afford it. Even if I had a job, I still had to wait until my next birthday until I could even apply for a stupid job at Burger King._

_I looked down at my shoes that were basically falling apart and adjusted my backpack again for the millionth time._

_"Money is… tight right now," I shifted my gaze back to the floor. "I can't afford it," I mumbled, kicking an invisible rock in shame._

_"I didn't ask for money, son," Roman stated._

_My eyes immediately shot up to stare into his serious ones. He really wasn't asking for anything?_

_"I asked if you want to learn how to really fight. Not just some jungle gym brawl," he said rolling his eyes at the last sentence. I could feel my heart drop to my stomach in an instant and my mouth bubbled out my answer before I could find my brain._

_"More than anything."_

"Rogers!" He yelled again.

I smiled brightly and pulled him into a firm hug, "Roman."

He chuckled as he patted me on the back, "It's good to see you kid."

Natasha looked at us and smiled softly at the sight of us.

"Roman this is Natasha Romanoff. Natasha, this is my trainer Roman Silvio." I introduced them.

"Its an honor to meet you, Mr. Silvio." Natasha shook his hand and nodded curtly to him. "My father used to watch all of your matches when I was a child."

"Why, thank you. It's nice to meet you too Natasha. I see you're working wonders on my boy." He smiled and looked at me.

"I'm trying sir." She teased me, "He's come a long way."

"He's always been a fighter." Roman patted his hand on my shoulder.

"I can see that," Natasha chuckled a little. "Well, I'll let you catch up. Steve, I'll be back."

"I hope so." She smiled lightly and brushed a soft kiss against my cheek before leaving.

"Wow," Roman whistled, "That's a hell of a woman you got there." He looked to her direction.

"Easy there old man," I chuckled. "She's just a friend."

"Whatever you say, kid."

I sat down on the leather couch before taking a swig out of my water bottle, "How have you been, Roman? It's been a while since I've last seen you."

He sighed deeply, "Yeah, since the funeral."

There was an awkward silence between us for a while. Roman was always by my side, ever since I was a teenager and throughout my career. But between Peggy's death and me being confined to a wheelchair, I pushed him away. I didn't want to burden him with my problems after all he had done for me.

"Roman..."

He held up a hand to me and shook his head, "Don't, it's alright son. You were going through a rough time."

"It doesn't excuse me pushing you away."

"Hey, I'm a grown man. I can handle it, Rogers. I understood what you were going through and I respected your space. You don't need to apologize for processing your grief." He placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks, Roman."

"Anytime son."

"So, how's Tammy doing?" I changed the subject. "I've missed the woman's turkey tetrazzini."

He laughed a little, "She's great. We've been living the quiet life for a while, Kasey just graduated from high school so now she's going to UCLA. Now all I have to do is wait for Sage to do the same."

"Wow, time passes by very fast."

"It does indeed. How are the girls doing?"

I shrugged, "Better, Leah's a lot more stable than she was before. It was really hard for her when Peggy died but she's hanging in there now. Maria's playing junior league basketball so everyone's doing good."

Roman crossed his arms across his chest, "And you?"

"What about me?"

"When are you gonna get back in the ring?" He asked and it was like a ton of bricks hitting me in the chest.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "So much has changed, I don't even know if I still have it in me you know?"

"Oh I know," Roman sighed and sat down next to me. "Better than anyone."

"I've left that life behind a long time again, it just doesn't feel the same."

"Well, I think you still got it in you, kid," Roman firmly placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll think about it, Roman. Seriously."

He chuckled a little, "I know you will, but think long, and think hard. A lot has changed, kid."

He gave me another pat on the shoulder before walking to the double glass doors, "I still have the same number, kid. Whenever you're ready." He said over his shoulder before exiting the building.

"He's a lot taller in person." Natasha was now back at my side, standing between my legs, "You OK?"

"It's complicated," I looked up at her.

"I can see that," she sighed running her hands through my hair again.

"It was good to see him though," I closed my eyes.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She cupped my face and I leaned into her touch.

"Will you join me for dinner tonight?" I opened my eyes to see her sparkle.

"I think that would be nice." She smiled.

_Finally._

"Good. I've been waiting to ask you for days." I chuckled and wrapped an arm around the small of her waist slightly.

"Where should I meet you for our…what is it? Second date?" She smiled.

"Glad you're keeping track. How about I have my driver pick you up at seven?"

"OK but nothing too fancy and what about the kids?"

"Wanda can take care of them. Your house or mine?"

She laughed, "Just bring your kids over when your driver picks me up. Wanda will already be over."

"Really, why?" I asked, "What has my sister done?"

"That part remains a mystery," she leaned forward and kissed my cheek gently. "I'll see you later, Steve."

I didn't even care that people were there watching. I bet they had better things to do anyway besides staring at us but I couldn't have cared less. I would have given them all the money I owned just to feel her body pressed against mine in a lip lock. Jesus, I sounded like a girl but who cares.

I knew we had to talk about things before we devoured each other but it was getting harder and harder to not take her whenever she looked at me with lust in her emerald green eyes.

To be honest, dating Natasha was a pretty impractical situation but I wanted it so badly. I hadn't wanted to really be in a relationship since Peggy but there was no choice with Natasha. I had to have her in every way possible; sexually and emotionally. I didn't know how well a relationship with her would work out but I was willing to try.

A major issue with a relationship with Natasha would be the kids. They weren't so much of an issue as they were a liability. I hadn't brought any women around my kids since their mother died for fear that they might get attached and I knew I couldn't have a real relationship with any of the women I went out with so why bother making ties? It was different with Natasha though. My kids were already attached to her and Maria and Cade was like siblings already. If things didn't work out between us, could we still be able to stay friends for the kids' sake? How would the kids ever react to me dating Natasha? Did they even know what dating was?

Another issue with a relationship was the fact that I was in the spotlight all the time no matter what I did to try and quell it. The public interest in me was always there, even after my departure from boxing. My family dealt with it easily but how would Natasha and Cade adjust to this?

Would they be ok with being followed? Of course not. Who would be but maybe we could work something out? It was unfair to ask Natasha to live her life in a fishbowl or get thrown into this world. She had been doing pretty well so far and I prayed that her strong will could keep up if we progressed like I wished we would. I hoped so because I really wanted this. I felt like I needed this and I was going to try to make it work.

What was I going to do about that date we had tonight? She deserved the best and I was going to give her whatever she wanted even if she asked me not to. I could already tell that Natasha was one of the few rare women who didn't like to be fawned over or receive lavish gifts. With her, simple was better. She's just going to have to get over that because Steve Rogers never does anything simple, especially when it comes to those he cares about.

I was kind of nervous about a date for the first time in years. With the other women, it wasn't like there was a future with them so I didn't even bother putting in the effort but did I have a shot at making this work with Natasha? God, I hope so. She makes me so happy and I haven't felt this way since Peggy. Now, I was thinking strange things in my head about a relationship with this woman who had turned my life upside down. This was going to be interesting.

"Hey, Steve, who was that lovely lady?" A paparazzo asked me as I went to my car.

"Just a friend." I chuckled.

"Who was she?" He pressed.

"My physical therapist."

"Well, she's pretty. Any chance that there's something going on there?" He snapped a picture.

"Thanks, guys." I gave them a goodbye wave and then hopped in my car.

It was already five thirty so I knew I had to hurry if I wanted to be prepared. Thank God, I already knew where she lived so my driver wouldn't get lost. My maid, Elsa was already whipping a special meal in the kitchen, prior to my orders.

"I'm going to go take a shower. You guys do your homework." I told them, "You're going to Natasha's in fifteen minutes. Oh and feed the dogs."

I stepped in the shower and let the hot water run over my body as I thought about what I was going to do to impress Natasha. I didn't know what she had been exposed to before but I was going to make sure that she never forgot this date or any other date that we happened to go on in the future.

I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my waist and padded into my closet figuring out what to wear. I had never been so nervous to go on a date. What the hell was wrong with me? I was so fucked up I didn't even know what I was going to wear.

"Jesus Steve, pull your shit together." I looked at myself in the mirror. I chose to go casual and pulled on a pair of dark blue slacks with a light blue button-up shirt. I put on one of my many sports coats and tried to do something with my hair but that was a failed attempt. As I ran my hand through my hair the last time, the light shined brightly off of the wedding band that was still situated on the fourth finger on my left hand.

 _Peggy_.

I closed my eyes so that I could speak to my wife, "I will never forget you but…it's time. I need something to help me get through this. I love you and I always will but I have to try. Please don't hate me."

I kept chanting that as I gently pulled my wedding band off of my finger and rolled it in my hands, "Please don't hate me." I placed my ring in my top drawer where I kept a couple of other pieces that my mother had given me and closed the drawer with a resounding thud.

"Daddyyyyyyy!" I heard Maria yell from the hall and my head was back to normal.

I put on my shoes.

"In my room sweetheart," I said back.

She opened my door and poked his head in, "You look handsome, Dad."

"I have a date." I smiled.

"Really? With who?" She quirked her brow comically

"I'm going to have dinner with Natasha." I went to the dresser to get my watch, "Are you ok with me and Natasha dating tonight sweetheart?" I asked hesitantly. As much as I wanted Natasha and me to happen, I knew nothing would if our kids didn't approve.

She jumped on my bed, "Do you like her?"

"Yes, I do… a lot." I said and turned to pick her up.

"Does that mean that Cade and I are brother and sister?"

I laughed, "No. It just means that I and his mom are having a little fun. Don't get your hopes up."

"But she's so nice and she bought me chocolate." I set her down in the hallway and took her hand as we went downstairs, "You better be nice to her daddy." She scolded.

"I'll do my best baby girl. Go get your sister."

I stood at the door and cursed myself for not getting her flowers or something like that. It had been so long since I had been on a real date I didn't even know the protocol anymore.

"Dad, why didn't you comb your hair?" Leah gave me the look of shame that was identical to my mother's.

"I tried." I ran my hand through it.

"Stop, now it's worse." Maria laughed, "You look like a scarecrow."

Great. Now my kids were making me self-conscious.

I bent down in front of them and opened my arms, "Alright, bring it in."

They bought wrapped their arms around my neck and I enveloped them in a tight hug.

"I love you girls. So much."

"We love you, Dad." Leah said into the crook of my neck, "Make yourself happy."

* * *

 

"Is dinner ready, Elsa?" I asked, fiddling with my watch.

"Yes, Mr. Rogers and the flowers have arrived just

like you requested." She bowed her head to me slightly.

"You're a lifesaver, Elsa," I smiled and kissed her cheek quickly in thanks.

"I know, I expect a raise." She poked my chest.

"Then a raise you shall have."

The doorbell ranged loudly throughout the house as I jumped in my spot a little.

"She's here, how do I look?" I straightened up a little and made sure my shirt fitted right.

Elsa had the flowers in her hands as she fixed the collar on my shirt, "Handsome, now go get her."

She shoved the flowers in my hands and pushed me to the door.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I opened it.

I shouldn't have been surprised to see that Natasha looked stunning. She was in a dark blue dress that was very form fitting but not too tight. It was strapless and the bodice cupped her breasts while the skirt portion was full and spread out to her knees. Her creamy legs were in a pair of blue heels that matched the dress. Her hair was matted down but a few strands were left to frame her face.

"Is this good?" She asked me.

"Perfect," I said quietly. I pulled her face to mine and lightly kissed the top of her head. I didn't think I could handle much more. I let my lips linger in her hair and took in the smells of vanilla that permeated my nose.

"Come in," I took her hand and led her into the house.

Elsa gave us a nice bottle of red wine along with the lasagna and butternut squash ravioli, though I had water. We nursed our beverages quietly and suddenly everything became awkward.

She nodded her head as she looked anywhere but me, "So…are we going to talk?" She asked and picked at the tablecloth.

"I think we should…what do we talk about?"

"What's going on here?" She pointed between us and looked at me with deep eyes.

She's not beating around the bush tonight.

"I don't know. What would you like to be going on here?"

"Always playing games." She said under her breath and took a sip of her wine.

Dinner was very strange. We didn't really talk much and I didn't know what had happened between this afternoon and now but there seemed to be something around us that was different. I didn't know if that was good or bad but I didn't really have a chance to think about it either way because everything seemed to pass so quickly.

"Would you like dessert?" I asked once our dinners were taken away.

"What are we, Steve? Let's stop beating around the bush." Natasha replied firmly.

"I know you feel what I feel so why are we tiptoeing around things?" I retaliated.

"I can feel it too." She said quietly and nodded.

"Nat, I want you to know that I fell very…in tuned with you and I don't know why." I said truthfully, "I've never felt like this before."

She lifted her head and looked into my eyes for I don't know how long before she spoke, "Are you lying?" She asked.

I raised my eyebrows in confusion, "Lying?"

"Yeah, right now, with all that stuff you just said, are you lying to me?"

"No." I replied simply, "I would never lie to you."

"It's just that…I've been so hurt in the past and I know I shouldn't compare you to Bruce, but he's all I know." She shrugged.

I moved so that I was closer to her and wrapped my arm around her waist under the table, bringing her flush against my body, "I don't know what he did to you, but I swear on my life that I will never hurt you. I can't." I whispered into her hair.

"Can we just take things…slow? There's a lot more here than you and me in this. I don't want our kids to get hurt."

"Of course." I kissed her hair and couldn't keep the smile off of my face. I let my lips linger there.

She wanted to try.

"I mean it, Steve. Slow." She smirked, "I want to do this right and that won't happen if your hand is down my pants every five minutes."

"I wouldn't dream of it. Do you want dessert?" I asked trying to stay cool.

"I don't know. I'm kind of full right now. I'll just eat yours."

I quirked my eyebrow at her but she gave me the same face back.

Feisty.

A small chocolate cake came five minutes later and it was actually steaming as the molten lava inside threatened to erupt. There was a generous portion of vanilla ice cream on top with caramel drizzle accenting the plate.

Elsa was definitely getting a raise.

"Oh my gosh. What is this?" Natasha asked in awe.

I snickered at her amusement, "It's called La Dolce Vita and it's my dessert."

"Your desert?" She asked and tried to take a bite but I hit her spoon away.

"Yes, my dessert and you have to eat it correctly." I dipped my spoon into the ice cream and chocolate cake, sauce oozing over the sides before lifting it to Natasha's mouth. Her plush pink lips closed over the silver of the spoon and sucked the contents gently. She took the bite and moaned as she swallowed. I almost came right there at the table.

"Did you create this or something because if you did, I might just steal you and lock you in a room so you can make these all day." She giggled.

"No, it's my mothers. And I'm sure she'll I took a bite and tried not to think about how our lips had eaten from the same spoon.

She was going to be the death of me!

"What does La Dolce Vita mean?" She asked, bringing me back from my lustful thoughts.

"The sweet life or the good life or simply life. It's also one of my favorite films ever."

"I haven't seen it."

"Most people haven't because it's by an Italian director, Frediciro Felini but it was popular when it first came out in the sixties. It's all about the glamorous life of Italy." I fed her another bite.

"And it's called La Dolce Vita?" She asked and I nodded.

"Well yeah. Every time my mother made this, she said Wanda and I were the best things that ever happened to her. So when she made the cake, she was living the sweet life."

"That's really thoughtful of her. Any more Italian favorites?"

"Don't get me started. Italian movie making is like their car making; beautiful, concise, and world-renowned."

"You like Italy don't you?" She giggled.

"I love it. Have you ever been?"

"No, but I want to."

I bent down and kissed her knuckles, "I'll take you there one day, I promise."

"I'll hold you to it," she winked at me.

I stood up from the table and held my hand out to her. She eyed me curiously.

”Come on, I want to show you something.”

She took it hesitantly without saying a word.

"Don't worry, I won’t kill you." I had to laugh at her shyness and kissed the side of her head.

"Where are we going?" She asked as I pulled her out of the massive living room and up the stairs.

"I want to show you something," I repeated.

Natasha just kept walking with me, down the halls of my home. I had to admit, the house sometimes seemed eerie and huge. Probably because the only people who stayed here were me and the kids. The first year, I almost got lost in here on occasion and I had to pull out information in the corners of my mind to remember how to get around.

I finally arrived at the door I wanted and pushed it open slowly, turning the lights on when we both were inside.

"Wow." Natasha said in awe as she dropped my hand, "Holy shit, Steve, are these all yours?"

"Yeah" I put my hands in my pockets, just watching her roam.

We were in my trophy room office, which I never really sat in unless I had work to do. The room always haunted me in a way, but it just felt right showing Natasha all of this.

The room was very minimal while still being overwhelming.

The oak parquet floors were covered in an expensive Oriental rug that had hypnotic patterns of red and gold. There were two large chairs in each corner and a cherry wood desk near the back with another chair behind it. But the main thing that attracted the eye was the tall glass trophy case.

"I can't believe this, this is amazing," Natasha walked towards the closest shelf and skimmed her fingers over the base. "You must know every one of these by heart."

Her fingers moved to one of my old high school championship belts and she looked at it with awe.

"May I?" She turned around and got a look of pure joy on her face. I wanted to see that look every day.

I chuckled, "Of course."

Natasha was mesmerized by my trophy case and I didn't mind at all. She stopped for a moment and looked at familiar pictures that sat everything. Her hands slowly grabbed one of them and her smile softened.

"Wow," she said breathlessly. "She's beautiful." 

I managed to give her a small smile in return as I looked over her shoulder. It was a picture of Peggy holding Maria in her arms while Leah and I looked at them with admiration. It was the day Maria was born. God that day was so crazy. I came to the hospital in a robe and dingy sweats and thrown breakfast. Peggy's water broke in the middle of breakfast and I was going insane, and Leah was no help at all. But in the end, it was all worth it.

"Yeah, she was." I sighed softly.

My fingers touched Natasha's as I held onto the picture with her. Her gaze met mines and she slowly put the picture down.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." She turned slightly to wrap her arms around my neck.

"It's alright," It took me a moment to realize how close we were to each other while I rested my hands on her waist.

"Do you miss it?" She asked, her fingers tangling my hair.

"Miss what?" I ask, running my nose along her creamy neck.

"You know, boxing, winning championship belts and stuff."

"I don't know, sometimes," I squeezed her hips, pressing myself further into her body.

"You can tell me you know, what you're feeling." She kissed my forehead softly.

This woman's lips were driving me crazy.

"I'm fine, Nat. Really."

She pulled back a little and grinned at me mischievously, "Bet I could take you on since you've been out of the game for a while," Natasha held up her arm and flexed.

"Wow, you're working with some nice guns." I squeezed her arm.

"Stop making fun of me."

"I'm serious."  I laughed as she punched me softly.

We stood silent for a couple of seconds before she brought her hand back to the nape of my neck.

"What are you doing?" I asked playfully.

"Just waiting for the right moment."

"For what…?"

I didn't get a chance to respond before her lips were on mine.

She crashed her lips to mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. My hands immediately went into her hair and the taste of wine and Natasha was overwhelming. Her lips were the most succulent thing I had ever tasted in my life and I sucked her bottom on gently while she took my top on into her mouth. I licked her bottom lip softly and she opened her mouth while moaning against the force of our kiss. Our tongues thrashed together and I didn't even think I took a breath the entire time that we stayed connected.

We didn't even bother with formalities as our tongues thrashed in a wicked dance of wetness that I loved. She began scratching my scalp with her nails and I was almost about to jump the gun but I knew that was moving too fast.

To hell with that.

I pulled her legs securely around my waist and ran my tongue along the roof of her mouth, which caused her to shudder violently.

She pulled back to breathe but my lips went to her neck, "I thought we were supposed to be taking it slow?" I muttered in between kisses.

"You keep distracting me whenever I want to pull back." She panted.

All the sexual tension that had been building for a while seemed to erupt in those few seconds and I didn't know if I could stop. I kept moving my lips on her skin while my hands roamed her hips. Her skin tasted better than her lips if that was even possible and I wanted to literally eat every inch of her.

She brought my head back up so that she could take my lips again and I was about to lift her up and carry her upstairs. Fortunately, Natasha seemed to have more self-control than I did. She took a step back, which wasn't much since we were flush against the door and smoothed out her dress.

"Slow Steve." She pointed at me while trying to catch her breath. She was panting like she had just taken her first breath in her life and I got a smug sense of satisfaction at that.

"I tried but you weren't helping." I licked my lips.

"I should go." She smiled at me and slowly climbed out of my lap. I caught her hand before she went inside and pulled her back for another kiss that only lasted a couple of seconds but said everything I wanted to.

"Goodnight Nat," I whispered against her lips.

"Goodnight Steve." And she was gone.

A sudden realization had hit me hard. We had just started this and already, she had physically, emotionally, chemically, altered me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was the one and I was happy to have her.

My eyes averted to my left and my smile saddened when it landed on a familiar picture again. It was one with Peggy and me after I won the WWBC for the very first time. Her arms were draped around my neck as I held the belt up high with pride evident on my face. A nostalgic feeling washed over me while I let my eyes travel along my trophy case.

So many memories, so many accomplishments, so many things left undone...

"Mr. Rogers," Elsa's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Mr. Silvio is on the phone for you."

"Thank you, Elsa." I nodded to her and grabbed the house phone on the desk. 

I took a deep breath and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked, not letting myself falter.

"Is it time kid?" He asked confidently.

I looked back at the picture of Peggy and me only to smile once more, "Yeah, it's time."

 


	7. VI

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word." — George R.R. Martin_

* * *

_**VI| OLD WOUNDS** _

Did that really just happen to me? Did I really just make out like a teenager with the most beautiful man on the planet?

I think you did Natasha.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.

I leaned against the door as I caught my breath and realized that I had just had the most intense kiss of my entire life and I knew it would have gone further if I had let it. That was…incredible and I bet it wasn't even as good as he could have given me. I planned on just getting a little taste but things escalated quicker than I thought, not that I was complaining but we needed to be careful.

The entire night had been pure bliss. We had had our "talk" and I think we came to some kind of conclusion but to be honest, I couldn't tell you what happened because my mind was still on that kiss.

Even before my mind was off in hormonal teenager land, I still wasn't sure what had transpired between Steve and I. We were close, that was for sure but how close? Were we in a relationship or was this just a casual thing? I wanted to take this slow, no, I  _needed_  to take this slow because we both had children and I couldn't afford to rush things.

If things didn't go well between us, there would be more people hurt than just us and that scared me. I would have to be sure to clarify things before we went any further.

I heard the light padding of feet coming into the front hall and prayed that it wasn't who I thought it was but I knew I wasn't that lucky.

"Finally." Wanda groaned, "I've been waiting forever. Geez, did you two go to Morocco or something?"

"Stop being so dramatic Wanda." I pulled myself together and went into the kitchen.

"Where do you think you're going?" She followed me.

"To bed after I get out of these clothes." I got a bottle of water and drank it quickly.

"So…." She looked at me with wide eyes.

"So…" I decided to tease her, "Oh, you must be waiting for babysitting money. I forgot. How much do you charge?" I asked and got my purse.

"I don't like you Natasha Romanoff and I don't think anyone's ever been so mean to me." She began to fake cry with real tears.

"How adorable." I rested my elbows on the counter while I watched her performance.

"Works on everyone." Wanda quickly went back to normal, "Please, I want to know what happened."

"We had dinner at his place and it was nice. We talked, and...that was it."

"Talked? What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that we learned some things about each other but I'm still not quite sure on our status," I said truthfully.

Maybe she could help.

"Well, what did he say?"

"It was more of what I said. He was willing to do whatever I wanted." I shrugged.

"So, does that mean you two are in a relationship?"

"I don't know. I don't think I got that far." I thought hard to see if I could recall anything.

"You are hopeless. I'm going home." She got her keys off the counter, "Call me when you have more information. I would be annoying and press for more like I usually do but I'm too tired. Those kids wore me out."

I followed her so I could lock the door, "Thank you for watching them."

"They were dolls, oh and I charge fifteen dollars an hour." She smirked before I shut the door in her face.

I turned out all the lights and made sure everything was locked before trekking upstairs to check on what was happening with the kids. Maria and Cade's snores led me to his room where I saw them both laid in their sleeping bags. I smiled at the sight before moving along.

I went into the guestroom where Leah was sleeping sweetly with a copy of Superfudge resting next to her. The book looked like my old copy of Wuthering Heights and I would take a guess that she had read that book one hundred times. The light was still on so I quietly turned it off before making sure the covers were over her and then shut the door.

I made my way to my room and suddenly realized how exhausted I was. I slipped out of my dress and shoes before doing my nightly routine. After I was in a big shirt of my dad's that he gave me, I got in bed and went to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I don't know exactly what I dreamed about but I knew it was something good because I could feel my cheeks getting sore from all the smiling I was doing. I rolled over into my bed and the morning light was streaming in but it was only seven in the morning, way too early to wake up especially when the kids didn't have to go to school today. It was some weird private school thing but I wasn't complaining.

I planned on going back to sleep until the kids woke up but that plan was quickly ended when I heard my phone beeping two minutes later. I groggily checked who it was and saw Steve's name appear on the screen.

I outwardly smiled but internally seethed as I cursed him for waking me up so early.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello to you too beautiful."

The inner teenage Natasha in me was doing cartwheels at his term of affection but I kept my cool.

"What do you need Mr. Rogers?" I said sternly but playfully.

"I was wondering if you could let me in." He chuckled.

"Let you in where?"

"Your house. I'm outside and frankly, I don't think you should be keeping a guy like me waiting."

"Hold your horses." I rolled my eyes and ended the call.

Just for his last comment, I decided to make him wait. I took my time brushing my teeth and making sure that I looked acceptable. I put on a pair of sweatpants so that I didn't answer the door practically naked although a certain part of me wanted to. Must be the hormonal teenager again.

Damn her.

I brushed my hair to try and get the tangles out and then messed it up again to make sure it looked like I wasn't trying too hard when I really was. All in all, I was pathetic. It took me ten minutes to get ready but it could have been longer for all I knew.

I quickly went downstairs and made sure to catch my breath before opening the door to see my morning glory with a scowl but he was still beautiful as all hell. He was carrying a bag with some things in it and two coffees.

"I thought I asked you to not make me wait." He growled and pushed his way into the house, setting the stuff on the table near the door and then capturing my lips in his. He shut the door with his foot and moved us so that I was pushed against it. My body formed against his as he pressed into me.

His hand gently went from my waist to my neck and held my head in place while his tongue inched into my mouth. I almost died right there but then I remembered that I had to respond or he might leave. I fisted his hair with my hands and made my tongue work, tracing the contours of his mouth and sucking anything I could reach.

We both pulled back breathlessly after some amount of time, I don't know how much.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to but if that's the welcome I get then I'm going to be doing it more often." I panted.

"I just couldn't help myself. Sorry if I was rough." He sweetly kissed me again for a couple seconds.

"Never too rough with Natasha. She always wants more." I told him pointedly before kissing him chastely, "What did ya bring me?" I asked, trying to get back to reality.

He took my hand, the coffee, and his bags before leading me into the kitchen, "First off, how was your morning?" He asked and I sat at the island.

"Good. Very good." I clarified when he raised an eyebrow.

He started unpacking the bag and I noticed it was filled with breakfast foods, "Second, how are my little girls?" He chuckled.

"Safe and asleep." I saluted, "I would actually think that Maria was dead if it wasn't for her bear snores." I giggled.

"Yeah, I don't know where she gets that from but it gets pretty bad when her allergies kick in."

"My turn for questions. What is all this?"

"Well, I recall a certain someone telling me last night that she wanted to read all the new gossip magazines over bagels and coffee. Did I hear that correctly?" He smirked as he held up the latest issue of People with our picture splashed across the front. The headline read: Rogers' New Mystery Woman. Who is she and where did she come from?

"You can't be serious." I snatched it out of his hand and started to flip through it.

"Yup and I have three others here just in case we run out of lies to read."

"I think I'm going to need that coffee now." I groaned.

"Iced or hot?" He held up both with a grin and I got off the stool so that I was standing in front of him.

"I'll have to test that out. We all know you can't make coffee." I said innocently and let him hold the iced coffee as I took a sip out the straw. His eyes watched my lips the whole time and I was about to combust from just his gaze.

"That's ok but I like hot better." I took the cup out of his hand and drank from the hot coffee before nodding, "This is the one." I said.

He kissed me so hard, I thought I was going to roll over and die. I put the coffee behind me on the island and he lifted me up so that I was sitting on it. I think I heard something fall to the floor but I didn't care.

"I can't help myself." He snarled as he recaptured my lips, sweeping his tongue into my mouth without hesitation. He tasted like sweet peaches but still had that masculine taste of…God who knows but it was amazing and I wanted more.

"I thought we were taking it slow," I said in between ravishing kisses.

"Fuck slow." He growled.

Fuck slow. I like that.

Eventually, he slowed his kisses to light pecks that traveled from my lips to my cheek, down my neck, and to my collarbone.

"You have no idea what you're doing to me." He huffed as he rested his head on my shoulder, "I…I don't even know what this is."

"Me either but I like it." I grinned and lifted his head up, "Can we read some smut now?" I asked and he nodded, lifting me off the island before taking our coffees and the magazines to the family room.

He sat on the couch and I sat next to him. Once he got situated, he pulled my legs into his lap and it was intimate but incredibly innocent at the same time.

"Which one first? People or InTouch?" He asked.

"I don't really care." I said truthfully, "I don't even want to be doing this."

"You have to. I know all the Hollywood people say that they don't read these things but they do. How else are we supposed to know what people say about us?" He shrugged.

"But doesn't it get embarrassing?"

"Not when you know what the truth is. Then it doesn't matter. It turns into a game after a while. I rarely get mad or care what they say unless it has something to do with the kids." He handed me my coffee, one half of a bagel and People.

"Ok, let's get this over with." I opened the magazine to the page that had our picture. It was us as we left the restaurant and my hand was in his as we made our way to the car. I was surprised at how calm I looked because I know it felt very differently.

"Start from the beginning." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back while his magical fingers worked wonders on the bottoms of my feet.

I cleared my throat, "A couple of days, famed boxer and an unknown blonde beauty stepped out to dine together at local Hollywood restaurant Yamashiro. Sources say that the pair sat in the back of the restaurant and kept to themselves while mostly chatting and having a good time.

'We didn't want to disturb them' one patron recalled, 'They looked like they were on a nice date so we decided to not ask for his autograph.' The pair left the restaurant around seven when they headed into Rogers' car to go home. No word yet on if this is a relationship or just a friendship but she has been photographed with him lately at several places around town over the past month. Another source close to the boxer says that she works for him as his therapist, but we couldn't get any comment from the head doctors. Could this be a summer fling for Rogers or is this the real thing?" I finished.

"Good lord, they make it sound like a soap opera," I said as I looked through more of the pictures. There were some that were grainy and taken by cell phones of us eating dinner. I was thankful that there wasn't a picture of him feeding me desert because that would have been a little too much for me to handle.

"Does this bother you?" He asked worriedly.

"It should…but it doesn't really."

I should feel weird that my picture was in the magazines and that people were watching us eat but I didn't feel that way. I looked at the photos and saw how happy I seemed, how natural it all looked and I was so stunned that I didn't really care if people saw or not.

"They probably think I'm some sort of gold digger." I groaned.

"It doesn't matter what they think." He kissed my ankle lightly and shocks ran up my leg.

"How are we going to do this?" I asked worriedly.

"Do you want my advice?" He said when he leaned back into position.

"Of course. You're the one who's used to all this." I joked but he looked grave.

"From what I can tell you, it's best to just not talk about it. If they ask you, just stay silent. The more we talk, the more things get out and the more lies they start. I want to keep this to us for now." He said seriously.

"Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I don't want everyone trying to weasel their way in…because…." He rubbed the back of his neck, "…because I'm really enjoying my time with you and I want it to last as long as possible." He said nervously waiting for my answer.

I climbed into his lap, straddling his legs, which was extremely bold of me but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. "Just tell me what to do because this is all new to me." I kissed his chin.

"We don't have to hide but we need to be careful. There's a difference between hiding and being private. What's ours is ours and no one else's." He said as he rolled his head back to give me better access to the one-day-old stubble that looked so sexy on his jaw, "We should have minimal contact in public and make sure to watch what we say. People are going to be speculating all the time so the less we say the better."

I kissed his jaw again and he moaned, "I can do that. What else?"

"Should we talk about the kids?"

"Of course." I grinned and kissed his chin. I could tell that his mind was slowly wasting away, "Maybe we shouldn't have any physical contact in front of them either. We need to ease them into this. I don't want Maria or Leah to think that I'm trying to replace their mother and Cade needs to adjust." I said seriously but kept up my kisses.

"I agree and what should we tell them?"

"Nothing." I suggested, "Their children minds' will pick up on something but we don't have to come out with anything. I don't want them to feel any pressure from us or anything like that."

"What do you mean?" He asked and brought his head back to mine so that he could kiss the side of my mouth.

He was turning the tables.

"I don't want them to think that if things don't go the way we planned, that they were to blame. I want this to be as normal as possible. I know it won't ever be but we can try right?"

"Of course. I wouldn't want it any other way." He moved my hair so gently from the side of my neck, I almost thought a ghost had inhabited his body. He lathered my skin with wet kisses.

"What about your therapy sessions?" I asked through pants and his kisses dipped lower to the cut in my shirt that exposed the hollow of my neck.

"I can tell you about that later." He said.

"So does that mean we're dating?" I teased.

"God, I hope so because I can't stay away from you anymore." He kissed his way to the other side of my neck and I felt a thin sheen of sweat on my brow as my body heated up.

"Good," I said lamely.

As he said, we weren't hiding but I knew how vicious the media could be and if we gave them an inch, they would take a mile. I had seen far too many relationships destroyed by the media and pressure from outside sources. That wasn't happening to us.

"Physically?" He asked and gripped my waist tighter.

"And physically, I…I can't right now. As much as I want to, I need to stay focused." I cursed myself for saying those words but I knew I had to. There was too much to worry about right now to get laid down with sex so early, "And I meant what I said about taking this slow. It's like you said, I want this to last as long as possible so we have to do this right." I whispered and looked him in the eye, all kisses stopped.

"Natasha, I want to say something." He moved me off of his lap so that he could have a more professional stature, "I don't want you to think that you're some quick fuck." I flinched at his words but he kept going, "What we have is real and I don't know how serious we can get but I know there's something there."

"I know." I took his hand.

"I…I haven't felt this way since…well, in a long time and I don't want to screw this up so I will follow your lead. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it." He finished.

"Thank you…for that." I decided to tell him a little bit of why I have to take things slow, "Steve, you're only the second relationship I've had…ever."

He looked at me weirdly at first but then nodded.

"I have only ever been with one other man and that didn't end up too well. Sexually, I really want you." I felt myself blush and his eyes looked like fire but he didn't move, " Bruce…well let's just say he didn't like the word no when it came to sex and it's been three years but he still scares me, relationships still scare me, sex still scares me." I promised myself I wasn't going to cry and I was holding up well, "I need to make sure that you won't hurt me or Cade."

He opened his mouth to speak but I put my finger over his lips, "I know you wouldn't but I have to make sure. I can't get too deep into this until I fully trust you and I'm getting there. It's just going to take time."

He looked at me with a stare that could almost crack the wall before speaking, "I'll wait as long as you need me to."

I gave a weak smile and then wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing him closer, "Thank you." I kissed the side of his neck.

He pulled back after a couple of minutes and wiped the tears from my cheeks that I didn't even know where there.

"Natasha, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer but…" He said while still holding my face.

"Sure," I said.

"What…what did Bruce do to you? I can see that he broke you pretty badly and I just want to make sure that he never hurt you or Cade." He said fiercely.

I let out a deep breath, "Would it matter if he did? That's all in the past." I said evading his question.

He nodded, "So…I don't get an answer?" He said gravely.

"I'll say this…Bruce never laid a hand on Cade. That's all you get for now." I gave another weak smile and saw something behind Steve's eyes that I had never seen before.

Anger? Rage? Hatred? Whatever it was, it was scary. If he knew what Bruce used to do to me, it might scare him off.

"Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?" I asked quietly as the rest of my tears dried.

"Anything." He took me in his arms.

"I need you to promise me that you'll never act with me. I don't want to ever question if you're being genuine. We can't keep secrets from each other."

"I think that's a good plan and I promise to never act with you. I wouldn't dream of it." He kissed my hair and I felt complete for the first time in years.

"Mom, where are you?" I heard Cade's voice called thickly from the hallway.

I gave Steve a short kiss before getting off the couch to meet him in the doorway.

"Hey, bud. How was your sleepover?"

"Awesome. Ms. Wanda let us watch a scary movie." He replied.

I was going to have to talk to her about that later.

Then Cade noticed Steve, "Oh hi Steve." He ran up to him and gave him a hug as much as he could with Steve still being seated on the couch, "What are you doing here?"

"Just came to visit your mom." He winked at me.

"Can Maria stay for another day? We don't have school tomorrow again and I promise we'll be good." Cade pleaded.

"How about we eat breakfast first and then talk about that." I patted Cade's shoulder, "Go get everyone up."

He raced off to go upstairs and I went into the kitchen but Steve caught me by the waist before I was in front of the stove.

"When we're alone, we can't waste any time." He said before taking my lips in his, "It's going to be hard enough to keep my hands off of you."

"You have to be good," I said.

"I'll try."

"What does everyone want for breakfast?" I asked the light padding of feet came into the kitchen. They sat at the table with Steve leaning against the counter.

"Waffles."

"Pancakes."

"French Toast."

I got them all at the same time and it took my mind a second to process it, "Lucky for you guys, I have a secret weapon." I smirked.

"Really, what is it? Tell us." Maria commanded.

"Only if you promise to keep it a secret," I said.

"I promise." Maria and Cade said at the same time, holing up their fingers in the Boy Scout salute. Leah just giggled beside them and I gave her a 'don't say a word' look. I was having too much fun for this.

"Alright, they're called French Waffle Cakes," I said and began pulling things out of the pantry.

"What's that?" Maria asked in awe.

"I'm not telling you. You'll just have to wait and see."

"I bet I could guess," Steve smirked.

"Do your worse Mr. Rogers." I played with him and started making breakfast.

He thought for a minute, "French Waffle Cakes?" He asked and I nodded, "Ok, got it. One waffle in between two pieces of French toast, wrapped in a pancake?"

I looked at him in awe as he totally ruined my surprise.

"Nailed it, daddy," Leah yelled from the table.

Maria and Cade erupted in laughter.

"How did you know?" I hit his shoulder playfully.

"It sounds like something you would do." He chuckled, "Did you just make that up?"

"On the spot," I said proudly.

"You're amazing." He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my temple. The kids were still in side-splitting laughs so they didn't notice.

Everyone helped make my creations and I didn't know what the hell I was doing or if this would even work but thankfully it did and we had French Waffle Cakes that were actually pretty good. Steve and I were still full from the bagels and coffee this morning but I forced him to finish one, which he did happily.

"Ok, so what's on the agenda for today?" I asked as I cleared the plates and Leah got up to help me.

"How about a movie night?" Maria suggested.

"Doesn't sound too bad." I shrugged.

"Alright kids, upstairs so you can get dressed and we'll go to the movie store," Steve commanded and they all raced upstairs.

I was still at the sink washing dishes when I felt his body press against mine, his hands and arms entrapping me.

"Is there a problem?" I asked without turning around, my heart pounding.

"I don't think so." He pressed himself into me harder and I could tell that he was playing with me but at this point, I was beyond playing back.

He moved my hair to one side and ran his nose along my neck.

"Just keeping you on your toes." He kissed me so softly, my knees gave out and I stumbled back into him.

He chuckled when he caught me and lifted me back up.

"I hate you." I panted and turned around once I got my footing.

"Anything I can do to rectify that?" He leaned in closer but stayed away from my lips.

"Just kiss me," I growled and he captured my lips in his.

He made sure that I was propped up against the counter so that I would be stabilized. His hands trailed fair across my hips while mine ran through his hair. That luscious hair, so thick, so…incredible. His lips were so soft they almost weren't there. His tongue darted into my mouth and I sucked on it gently, making us both moan into each other.

He pulled back swiftly and whined.

"What the hell?" I asked and tried to kiss him again but he laughed at my antics.

"Our children are coming down the hall."

"Oh." I went back to washing dishes, trying to look like nothing happened but I'm sure I looked high.

"Come on Steve. We have to go before they run out of good stuff." Cade took Steve's hand and began to lead him out of the kitchen while Maria pushed.

"What about you Natasha? You want to come?" He asked.

"No, you guys go ahead. I'll stay here and finish these."

And fantasize about you.

"Ok, we'll be back in half an hour."

I got four byes from them and then the front door closed.

"Oh my God." I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding and gripped the side of the sink so hard, my knuckles turned white, "He's going to kill you, Natasha."

He was without a doubt, the most gorgeous, sensuous, sexy man I had ever met and he was making it harder to resist him. I knew I had to keep up my walls because I couldn't let him in, not yet. I still had some healing to do before we went that far.

I dipped my hands back in the water and began washing the remaining dishes that were left over from breakfast. As soon as I placed the last dish in the rack, the phone rang and I rushed to get it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Natasha, it's Bruce. Can I talk to Cade?" He said forcefully.

"Uh…he's not here right now." I didn't want to talk to him right now. I was feeling too good for him to ruin it.

"Why? Where the hell is he?" Bruce slurred.

"Bruce…are you drunk?" I asked.

"So what if I am. Let me talk to my son!" He screamed at me and memories came flooding back.

"I said he's not here."

"Well fine. How are you?" He grumbled.

"Fine."

"I see your picture sometimes in the magazines and on the internet. I see you've made friends with that Rogers bastard."

"What do you want Bruce," I said, not really wanting to get into this especially with him.

He laughed at me, "You do realize that he's just using you for sex right? He wouldn't dare touch you if you didn't look so good. You have a kid for Christ's sakes. Natasha, use your head."

"You don't know anything about him, Bruce." I sneered.

"Do you really think a boxing star like Steve Rogers would like you? I barely liked you and I was a nobody." He laughed.

"You're a fucking drunk."

"And you're a whore. Let me talk to my son."

"I don't think you have any right to tell me how to live my fucking life, Bruce," I said seriously but I heard my voice quivering.

He still struck the fear in me.

"I do when it has something to do with my son. Where is he?"

"Out."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Like I said, out."

"Fine. Maybe I'll come out there and stay for a little bit. I need some sun anyway."

"Don't you dare Bruce. I'll get a fucking restraining order if I have to."

"Yeah right. I'll just take you back to court. I want to speak to my son." He repeated.

"And I told you he wasn't here. What the hell do you want me to do?"

"Go get him." He snapped and I flinched.

"Call back when you're sober." I hung up the phone before he could hear my cries and even the sound of his voice was enough to scare me. I fell to the floor and rested my head against the cabinet while I tried to calm down.

I thought I had gotten over the fears he brought me but I obviously wasn't. Bruce could instill a fear in me that shook my bones.

I knew Bruce was going to see pictures of Steve and I but what could he do. I had custody and I could do what I wanted with my life as long as I didn't hurt Cade. What made me mad was that Bruce was hurting me when I should have gotten over him. He wasn't supposed to have power over me anymore but he did. He was trying to get under my skin but I wouldn't listen to him. I was going to be happy. I  _deserved_  to be happy.

Why was he still affecting me this way?

"Natasha?" I heard Steve call my name from the door, "We're back."

I picked myself up off the floor and didn't even try to fix myself up because I knew I wouldn't be able to fool Steve no matter how much I tried.

"Mom, look at what Steve got us." Cade came in and showed me one of the Power Ranger movies, "It's the one with the race cars." He bounced and down.

"That's pretty cool. Did you say thank you?" I asked.

"Yeah, and he said he could show me his movie collection when we go to his house. Maria said he has like a billion movies."

"I bet you'll be able to spend days in his movie room. What'd you get Leah?"

"A movie called Pride and Prejudice. Daddy said it was a grown-up movie but I might like it. He said we could watch together. Have you read the book?"

"Of course. It's one of my favorites. We'll watch it after we watch Cade's and Maria's movie ok?"

"Ok." She smiled.

Maria got the SpongeBob movie so I knew we were going to be up watching TV for the whole day.

"Why don't you guys go get the movies set up and we'll be in there in a minute." Steve said and they all rushed out of the kitchen.

I stayed leaning on the counter while Steve stared at me from across the table.

"Is everything ok?" He asked softly.

"As well as can be expected." I pushed off the counter and walked towards him.

"I just want to help." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. Just the feel of his lips on my skin was enough to make me forget the feelings that were flowing through me.

I decided to tell him what happened since I didn't want to keep things from him. We had just made that promise to each other and I wasn't about to start lying now.

"Bruce called," I whispered.

"And I take it wasn't pleasant?"

"No."

"What did he say?" He pulled back and brushed some hair out of my face.

"He said that you would never like me and then called me a whore."

"You know that nothing he says is true right? He's just trying to scare you."

"I know but he still gets to me."

Steve turned his face up, "I could kill him."

I laughed at how serious he sounded, "If it was only that simple."

He pulled me into another tight hug, "I wish I could take your pain away."

"Having you with me is enough."


	8. VII

_Steve's POV_  
_"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."_  
_— Audrey Hepburn_

* * *

**_VII|REVIVAL_ **

"Again!" Roman's voice boomed in my ear once again for the thirtieth time today.

"Roman," I managed to huff out, "I've been here since five in the morning."

I turned my head at the clock on the wall and sighed in exhaustion, "It's four in the fucking evening."

There were a couple of people lifting weights on the other side of the room while others just milled around, not really working out.

"We would be done if you did it right!" He said roughly. "They way you're hitting today, that bastard is gonna knock you on your ass this Sunday."

After our little talk a couple of months ago, Roman managed to pull a few strings to get my boxing license renewed and schedule me a fight for this weekend. I told him to keep it under wraps for now until the night before so I could have enough time to tell Natasha and the kids what's been going on. Ever since then, Roman's been training my ass like I was a fucking workhorse. I was used to it, sure. It's not like he hasn't been like this before, but it was something that I had to get adjusted to again.

"I've been giving my all, Roman. I don't know what more you want from me." I ran my hand through my sweaty hair and couldn't help but wince in pain from the contact.

"You are, and I'm proud of you. But the games changed kid. I need you to be on your A-game," He nodded curtly.

He hit my chest where a huge, purple bruise was developing.

"What if..." I sighed tiredly. "What if I'm not the same, what if I'm just another faded memory of the past like all the other retired boxers?"

"Well," He shrugged. "That means I've failed you and that I didn't do my job. And have I ever failed you before?"

"Of course not."

"Then you don't worry about that other stuff. You just do what you do best." He hit my chest where a huge, purple bruise was developing.

"I will, I promise you."

"Good." He patted my back. "Now, let's get back to it."

Before I could move my legs, I could hear my phone vibrate in my bag violently.

"That's like the third time your phone has gone off. Who is it?" Roman asked, a little frustrated.

"I think Natasha wants me at the house," I said as I read through the text messages on my phone.

"Now?" Roman groaned.

"I promised her I wouldn't be late for dinner."

"Oh," Roman looked at me for a moment and just chuckled. "I see."

What do you mean?" I feigned stupidity.

He laughed at me, "Don't look so scared. She seems amazing Steve and I'm happy that you're happy."

"Really?"

"Of course. You've been too hard on yourself for the past couple of years and you need someone. I finally see some light back in your eyes. Love is a good look on you." He clapped my shoulder.

"Come on Roman, it's too soon for that, and I haven't even…" I was at a loss for words because he was right.

"You can't fool me, kid." He said, crossing his arms.

"I just want to be sure."

"How long did it take you to fall in love with Peggy?" He asked nonchalantly.

"I…I don't know."

I did know that it wasn't as fast as I was falling for Natasha though and that made me feel guilty once again.

His eyebrows rose into his hair and he took another pull from his water bottle, "I see what Natasha's done for you. Stop fighting it."

I tried to respond but I couldn't find the words.

As we got more comfortable with each other, I was sure that we would probably slip up and people would make assumptions but I was ok with that. I knew there were going to be lies but as long as we and the people we loved knew the truth, it was going to be ok.

The kids were a separate issue on their own. Of course, they knew that Natasha and I were more than friends but I doubted whether they even knew what boyfriends and girlfriends were. They had caught us kissing once but we were more obvious than we thought because they were on with their kissy faces and snarky comments. It was like being in high school again but I couldn't help laughing whenever Natasha would blush from something Cade would say. It was the cutest thing.

The rest of the day went extremely well and it was very productive if I do have to say so myself. Natasha, me and the kids sat at the table while we discussed our days. Thankfully, the kids were entertaining themselves so that Natasha and I could talk.

"I have something to tell you," I said as I took a bite of Natasha's amazing pot roast.

"Oh, please. Do tell." Natasha teased, placing a hand on my thigh and kept moving it up high but I would push it back down with a smirk each time.

"Well, tell me about it." Natasha pressed as she took another helping of mashed potatoes.

"Well, you know for the past couple of months I've been training with Roman right?" I asked, trying to refresh her memory.

"Yeah, why?"

I leaned in to whisper to her," Roman has scheduled a fight for me this Sunday against Luis Ortiz. I have a press conference tomorrow in Vegas." I said proudly.

"Steve, that's amazing." She looked across the kitchen table and looked at the kids who were oblivious to our conversation.

"What about the kids? Have you told them about it?" She asked, turning back to me.

"Not yet. I want it to be a surprise you know? I want everything to be right."

"You'll do fine. I'm so proud of you on how far you've come." Natasha placed her hand over mines gently.

"Come with me," I said immediately.

"Come with you?" She laughed a little but stopped when she realized I was being serious. "Are you serious?"

"I don't want to do this without you. I wouldn't even be fighting without you. Come with me," I smiled softly as my thumb brushed against her fingers.

"I don't know," Her gaze averted back over to Cade and it softened a little. "I haven't been away from Cade before, and it seems so soon."

"Just four days, and we'll be back before you know it."

She etched a smile at me before tightening her grip on my hand slightly, "I just can't say no to you."

I grinned as I lifted her hands to my lips, "You won't regret it."

"I better not." She winked before proceeding back to her meal.

The rest of the week went by very quickly and I didn't even really have time to breathe before it was Friday; conference day. I was basically a nervous wreck because this was big. I was basically getting pulled from interview to interview and numerous cameras were being flashed before my very eyes.

All I wanted to do was spend time with Natasha. I hadn't seen her for long today because she wanted to get away to get ready for tonight but none of that mattered to me. I would give all of this up to just be with her for an hour, uninterrupted and without commotion.

I was never anxious or nervous to be at a press conference but I would rather have Natasha on my arm. Now that I had her, I wanted to show her off and make sure that everyone knew she was mine. That might seem very primal of me but I couldn't help it.

The buzzing of my phone in my pocket brought me out of my thoughts.

I smiled when I saw her name on the screen.

"Hello gorgeous," I answered smoothly.

"Hey, handsome." She replied without missing a beat, "I hope you're ready for tonight."

"Of course, where are you? I waited at the hotel as long as I could but we had to leave so that I wasn't late."

"I know. I wanted to see you before you got too busy but the lady wouldn't let me go."

"It's ok. I bet you look spectacular."

"I do look nice if I do say so myself." She giggled, "When are you getting here?"

"Wait, you're already there?" I asked and looked out of the window since we were approaching.

"Yeah, I got here before the traffic. I was going to stop at the house but I didn't want to be late so I just decided to come here instead."

"Where are you? We're almost there."

"I'm right at the beginning of the carpet. I don't think I've ever seen so many people."

Even though they weren't screaming yet, I could hear them and my body was already tingling with excitement and a hint of fear.

"I can't wait to see you."

"Same here." She said quietly, "Oh, I see your car. I'll be right there when you get out. Be prepared for hell. Good luck."

"I'll see you in a second."

I could hear the screaming through the car as we approached the theater and my head was already pounding. I looked out of the tinted windows and through the mass of cameras and people, all I saw was Natasha.

"We're here Mr. Rogers." The driver said from up front.

"Thank you," I replied and made sure I looked ok before stepping out into the craziness that was Hollywood.

There were screams that could kill an elephant, shutters from the cameras that could blind the sun and I swear that I could feel the ground shake. I saw my family already doing interviews and posing for pictures on the carpet along with some other actors who came out to support the film but everyone was waiting for me.

I put on my smile and waved as I got out of the car and headed to Natasha who had a massive grin on her face.

"You look nice," I said so that she could hear me. I held my arm out and she placed her arm into the crook of it.

"You do too." She said eyed my suit-clad body, "Well, shall we?"

She led me across the street to where the fans were camped out and she gave me a Sharpie that would be my sword for the next twenty minutes. At this point in my life, I was used to all the grabbing and signing pictures along with everything else that came along with this job but it still shocked me that people actually cared about me.

I signed gloves and magazine articles along with pictures and even a woman's bra. There was security next to me just in case someone got a little too touchy-feely but I had never truly been in a situation where I feared for my life so I didn't really worry too much. Natasha was by my side the whole time making sure that I kept my schedule and pulled me away from the fans after my ten minutes were up. I would have loved to stay with them the whole time but I had work to do.

"They were nice." She smiled at me.

"Told you they were," I smirked.

I stood at the marked places on the carpet so that every cameraman in the city could get a picture.

_Steve, over here._

_Steve, to your left._

_To your right._

_Steve!_

_Steve!_

_Steve!_

That was all I heard and the flashes were blinding but I was used to it. I guess I missed this life more than I let on because it did feel good to pose in front of a poster that had my face on it. It was just strange sometimes but I liked what I did so I couldn't complain.

As soon as my photos were done, it was time to brave the interview line. I started at the end and worked my way down. I wasn't nervous or anxious but it did calm me to have Natasha standing to my right the whole time.

Her smell was intoxicating and I didn't know if it was her natural smell or if she was wearing new perfume but it was driving me insane.

Roman from the side of me and clapped my shoulders roughly, " You did good kid. I might have to make a few calls on Monday morning for the lack of security." He pulled out his phone to check for messages. "You ready?"

I took a deep breath, "Let's do this."

The murmurings quieted as Roman and I walked onto the stage. It felt the hundreds of eyes burning holes into my back but at this time I was pretty much used to it.

"Thank you all for coming here today. As you all know, I've decided to come out of retirement and pursue my career again. It's been a long road but I'm finally ready to come back home. I will start answering questions now."

Hands began waving all around the room and finally took me a moment to find a person to call on.

"What was the rehabilitation process like," a reporter asked.

"It was very unexpected. I didn't even think I would even be going to rehab in the first place." I paused for a moment before I continued."But it was exactly what I needed to get back on my feet, so I can continue to do what I love."

"What was it like, the retired life?" Another reporter asked.

"It was hard, at first." I nodded my head. "I've missed out on a lot of things and that's partially my fault. But that time of my life is over now. I'm here to get my life back on track for the sake of my little girls."

"And who is this you're here with tonight?" The reporter asked as his gaze averted to Natasha, "Is she the new woman in the picture?"

"Please stay on topic people," Roman sighed in annoyance but I couldn't help but look at Natasha as she softly laughed at my embarrassment.

A half an hour passed by and thankfully, everything was sailing by smoothly.

"Last question, Mr. Rogers. How soon will it be before you the belt is back in your possession?"

A lump suddenly formed in my throat and before I could speak, a voice interrupted me, "Never."

I looked over by the entrance and saw a fucker with a smug grin on his face.

Brock "Crossbones" Rumlow, one of the biggest and nastiest competitors in the heavyweight division. Rumors were going around that the guy was a fucking junkie that was hooked on steroids before he supposedly went 'clean.' The bastard was cocky and arrogant like most competitors but unlike everyone else, he was a bully. And I hated bullies.

"Who the hell invited this guy?" I muttered to Roman.

"Calm down kid," He turned to me and roughly patted my shoulder, "Let me do the talking."

The grin was still on the bastard's face as he climbed up the stage stairs while the chatter in the room grew louder. It was almost if his body was floating over the steps. I could tell he was trying to pump himself up mentally, considering he wasn't all the way there yet. And honestly, neither was I.

"Roman Silvio, in the flesh. It's an honor." Rumlow smiled and nodded curtly,

"I know," Roman replied shortly. "Such a surprise to see you, may I ask what are you doing here?"

"Well, I heard the infamous Steve Rogers was coming out of retirement and I just had to see it myself," His gaze brushed past Roman and landed on Natasha. "And you must be the magnificent eye candy that's been around this guy a lot."

"I guess I am," Natasha said and made a move to shake his hand but I wouldn't let her.

"It's so nice to meet you." He spoke in a chilling tone.

She just nodded.

"You're so beautiful," His eyes shifted to mine, "I wonder if he's taking care of you as a real man should."

My fists were bunched by side to the point of pain. They only eased when Natasha slipped her hand into mine, squeezing it lightly.

"Easy there." Rumlow crossed his arms, "Just trying to break the ice with a joke."

"A joke?" My voice rose slightly.

"Calm down kid," Roman said, only half-heartedly.

"Thank you for the apology," Natasha spoke up.

I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Well, you heard him. It was just a joke." Natasha gave me the eye as to say 'don't start something over anything'.

I sighed softly and gave her a nod.

"So I guess it's true then," Rumlow said to me, his dark eyes trying to burrow through my forehead.

"What." I snapped.

"You've found someone worth it." He looked between me and Natasha, "I never thought I'd see the day when Steve Rogers would find true love again. I wonder how Peggy would feel..."

"If I were you, I would quit while you're ahead," I said, nearly tearing myself from Natasha's grasp.

"Please." He knocked off my threat.

"I can see that this isn't going to be a nice meeting." Roman wrapped things up, "This conference is over with.."

Maybe I was just honing in on his voice or maybe I had vampire hearing but as Rumlow was walking off, I heard him whisper to his guard, "I bet she has a sweet cunt."

By then, I had him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him against the wall near the table before anyone could even blink.

"What the hell did you just say?" I got in his face and curled his shirt in a tighter grip.

He had the audacity to snicker in my face, "I knew I would get a reaction out of you."

"I have the mind to rip your spine from your body."

"You don't have the heart to taint your image in front of the babe." His eyes went to Natasha.

"Shut up! If I ever see you even look at Natasha again, I will not hesitate to snap your neck."

"No need for violence." He smirked, "I'm just trying to have some fun with the sweet…cunt." Rumlow spoke softly and slowly.

I slammed him against the wall harder and had my forearm against his meaty throat.

I was so enraged that I couldn't even think. The only thing that was keeping my head off was the fact that I could smell Natasha's perfume from behind me, keeping my mind clear from the fire.

I heard a pistol cock at my head and saw a security guard to my left.

There was a lot of movement as guards had weapons drawn out of nowhere and we all created a pentagram with outstretched arms.

"When the time comes, I will fight you and I will  _break_  you," I spoke so deadly that even I was scared.

He didn't say anything but I could see the fear in his eyes. Truthfully, I was surprised that I hadn't killed him by now.

I backed up but kept my arm outstretched.

"Oh, don't worry," Rumlow stated with a sadistic smirk on his face, "Our clash will be one for the books."

"I'm counting on it."

Rumlow's lip twitched and he shifted his eyes between all of us before giving up, stomping back down the stairs.

"I'm counting on it."

* * *

The music played loud in my ears. So loud, I don't think the volume could get much higher. But that is what I need. Focus. No distractions.

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. It was the third set of the matches (the quarterfinals) and I needed to do whatever I could to stay in the zone I had built around myself, I knew I was slowly slipping, but I refused to let that control my fight. I didn't do all this training to lose now.

I have no idea how long I stayed in that room with music constantly blaring through the headphones, I couldn't even remember which artists or specific songs played; I didn't pay attention to that. All I do remember is Roman tapping me on my shoulder to announce his presence, he then proceeded to tape up my hands, but I closed my eyes again and allowed the music to transport me back to my zone. I don't even remember him slipping my gloves on or tying them to my wrists.

A nudge on my shoulder told me that it was time to go. I stood from the bench and pulled the headphones from my ears. Music wasn't going to help anymore. If I wasn't in my mental zone by the time I left that room, I'd never be in it. That was just how I worked - every athlete had a different way to prepare themselves.

Roman began his pep talk and said anything he knew I needed to hear. "Focus, kid; you've got this. Don't concentrate on anything apart from that man in front of you. Learn his weaknesses and feed off that. His weakness is your strength. Leave your mark - we didn't come all this way for nothing."

I nodded as I sent off a silent prayer to the sky.

I felt a small hand on my back, "Steve." Natasha whispered.

God, this woman - she was my fucking rock. Through the months of training, I had to endure, she stood alongside me and never once complained. "Date nights" were hard to come by and even when a free evening came up and I suggested something, nine out of ten times Natasha would have us include the kids too. She put my daughters and her son before everything, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

My girls and Cade. That's who I was doing this for. As long as they were proud and supported me whether I won or lost, that was what I did this for.

I turned slightly and to see her holding her phone to me, "It's for you."

She places the phone on my shoulder and I tilt my head to the side to keep it in place, "Hello?"

"Dad!" I heard Leah and Maria yell at the same time

"My girls," I chuckled lightly, "You see your old man on TV?"

"Yeah! I can't believe you're fighting again and you didn't tell us about it! I wanted to come," Maria huffed through the phone.

"Yeah, not cool Dad." Leah chimed in.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," I couldn't help but chuckle at their enthusiasm.

Always supportive of their father...

"Leah," I started slowly. "Make sure that Elsa is watching the fight with you. If she feels like it's getting too violent, you do as she says. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, I love you girls. I'll be home soon."

"I love you too, Dad. Go kick that guy's ass."

Natasha took the phone from my shoulder and gave me a faint smile. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. I knew from the look in her eyes that she was scared shitless and would have rather I was doing anything else but this, but she was here to support me and I couldn't have been more thankful.

"I have something special planned for you after the fight is over with."

She managed to pull a teasing smirk on her lips, "Oh, do you?"

"Of course, it's Valentines Day," I said it like it was obvious.“But you're not gonna get anything else out of me."

She pouted at me and tugged on my red headband playfully, "You're no fun."

We managed to laugh for a moment before

"This is your moment." She turned in my arms and pushed some hair out of my face, "No matter what, I'll be by your side."

"I can't believe I found you." I said truthfully, "I never thought I would feel like this again."

"How do you feel?"

"I...I..."

_I love you. Say it._

"Steve." I spotted Roman standing at the doorway with his arms crossed. "It's time kid."

I nodded curtly and turned my attention back to Natasha.

"Come back to me in one piece, please."

I dropped some sweet kisses to her lips and then one to the crown of her head. "Anything for you."

_I love you._

* * *

"Ladies and gentlemen!" His deep voice echoed around the entire arena, welcoming everyone to the fight and gave them a quick run-down of what was about to happen. I could tell he liked to draw out his words for a more dramatic effect. "And now get ready to ruuuuummble! In the blue corner, weighing in at approximately one-hundred and eighty, with the record of 36-1, Luis Ortiz"

I closed my eyes and listened to the loud music bang against the walls by the side entrance for a small moment.

_Focus, Steve. Focus._

"And in the red corner, weighing in at approximately one-hundred and ninety-four pounds, with the record of 44-0, Steve Rogers!"

As I stepped out, it was like the hole that's been in my heart for the past three years was beginning to piece itself together. The feeling was electric, a feeling that was I was accustomed to and grew to miss. All of these people came here for me, talk about loyalty.

I turned to look at Natasha and briefly tapped my heart as she did the same. I didn't have to say a single word; we both knew what I meant.

The referee brought us together, "I want a nice clean fight, okay?" We both agreed, even though we were kinda busy trying to get a read on each other.

"Touch gloves," I pounded my gloves against his and felt my heart beat excessively at that moment.

This was it.

I went back to my corner and tried to pace myself.

This was the worst part of the whole thing, the arrival. Butterflies conjured up a mess in my stomach and I was close to running to the restrooms to take a nervous shit. Do you find that? Whenever nerves get a hold of your body you instantly have the need to shit, it's the same with when you're moments away from doing something special or important and bam!

Roman noticed this and laughed at me slightly, "No time to take a shit kid, time to go to work."

Ding! Ding! Ding!

_Time to go to work._

The first round was over after three minutes and apart from sweat gleaming across my entire body, I was doing OK. He landed a few hits, nothing critical.

"You're doing great, kid," Roman said as he gave me some water and cleaned down my face a little. "Watch out for that right, with you being a southpaw, this should be a cakewalk for you."

"Is he okay?" I heard Natasha ask from the side of me.

"He's fine, Romanoff. Nothing to worry about."

I turned my head slightly and gave her a subtle wink, making her smile a little in the process.

The next few rounds flew by and they grew more intense with every passing moment. The bastard was quick and persistent. There was a small cut that formed on left eye that got more irritated as time passed. I guess Natasha noticed the new addition to my face as blood slowly trickled from the side.

"Is that blood?! Tell me that's not blood!" Natasha demanded to Roman, but he ignored her and helped the guys try to seal it up the best way they could.

"I'm alright, Nat," I said breathlessly, trying to gain back a little strength.

"God, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your fucking hands up kid!" Roman yelled through the hands that were examining my face.

"More times than I count." I laughed hoarsely.

"Stop kidding around with this guy! Handle it!" Roman shoved my mouth guard back in and back into the fire.

Round 5, longer than I expected.

"Watch the eye! Keep it covered!" Roman yelled at me before the bell rung once more.

Come on Steve, focus!

Guard, block, step back, step forward. Punch.

"That's it, kid! Keep up the pressure!

He stumbles back as I proceeded to attack his body. He could only turtle himself for a certain amount of time.

After a series of punches to the body, his arms finally dropped and I found my opening.

Pow!

His head jerks back violently and after a moment, he collapses to the ground.

The crowd went ballistic as the ref began to count.

_One..._

_Two..._

_Three..._

_Four..._

_Five..._

_Six..._

_Seven..._

_Eight..._

_Nine..._

_Ten!_

I couldn't help the emotions that overwhelmed me as I dropped to my knees and let out a roar of victory. Tears flooded my eyes while I laid on the mat on all fours. After all of the pain, sorrow and heartbreaks for the past three years, I was here, doing what I love the most. And it felt good.

"I'm back," I whispered. "I'm back."

* * *

"Steve," Natasha squealed as I nearly bumped her into the wall once more.

"Almost there, sweetheart." I chuckled, trying to guide her through the door without removing my hands from her eyes.

"You're such a tease, Steve Rogers." She huffed childishly.

"OK," I removed my hands and kissed the junction of her neck, "Open them."

I smiled lightly when a gasp escaped her perfect lips, "Steve, it's beautiful."

"But I'm staring at something much more beautiful," I kissed her crown once more before settling down by the fireplace.

I couldn't help but admire my handiwork. Near the fireplace, it was a fort of makeshift pillows sitting alongside water and champagne and red rose petals. The mood was set perfectly. After eating, I waved her over to me and she sat against my chest between my legs, enjoying the moment.

"This was so thoughtful, Steve," Natasha whispered, brushing her lips against my bruised knuckles.

"Well, it's a special day, you know?"

"I suppose it is." She chuckled before staring back at the fireplace. "You know you had me scared back there, right?"

"Did I?" I decided to tease her a little.

"Yes, you dork." She punched my arm softly, making me whimper in fake pain. "It took everything in me not to jump in the damn ring with you."

"I had him on the ropes." I waved it off.

Natasha traced her fingers along my face before it landed on the white bandage above my left eye,"Tell that to the cut on your eye."

"I'll be more careful next time." I grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. "Promise."

"That's all I'm asking for." She sighed as she leaned back against my chest.

We reminisced about the fight a little bit before falling into a comfortable silence.

"Nat?"

"Yeah?

"I have to tell you something," I said seriously.

She turned to look at me quizzically but nodded in understanding, "OK."

This is it...

I grabbed her hand and let the emotions flow out freely, "Losing Peggy was one the hardest things for me. I thought I could never move on, you know? I thought shutting out my emotions would be healthy for my kids but it wasn't. I was at the lowest point of my life and I didn't think there would be an end to it. Until I met you."

Natasha listened intently. She lifted her leg up and laid it on my thigh. She eyed me expectantly, encouraging me to continue. I smiled as I reached up and cupped her cheek in my hand.

"From the first day we first met, you held me together when I wanted more than anything to fall apart and you care about me unconditionally. You are everything I want, Natasha, everything I need and not a day goes by that I don't feel grateful for the time I spend with you and the kids."

Natasha leaned into my hand while I confessed my feelings for her. Her eyes were full of hope and adoration. It looked as though she was processing a thousand things in her mind all at once.

"Natasha, I love you."

She looked shocked for a moment while her breathing became heavy, "What?" She whispered.

"I love you, Nat."

Tears were threatening to leave her eyes as a small smile hit her lips, "You love me?"

"Of course. How could I not love you? I know we haven't been together for a long time and doesn't make any sense to me but then I thought about all I was losing by fighting this and I can't do it anymore. I need you, Nat, I can't live without you." I said it all in one breath.

"I...I don't know what to say." She whispered.

"You don't have to say anything."

"It's just that...I'm scared Steve. I'm really terrified because when I told Bruce that I loved him, he turned on me and became...whatever he is today and I can't do that with you." She hung her head and let the tears flow, "I know I'm being bitchy and emotional but I have to protect myself."

"Natasha look at me." I lifted my head back up, "You have to know that I'm scared too. The only other person I felt this close to was...Peggy and she was taken from me. You don't think I'm terrified? But I learned a long time ago that life is too short to just let your brain out think your heart. I need you Natasha and I won't lose you too."

Suddenly it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. She was the most amazing woman on this entire earth and what I saw in her eyes made me even more determined to keep her. Natasha was my saint. I couldn't stop my heart from loving. It was too hard to fight this so I wasn't going to.

"I love you, Natasha," I said and she laughed softly through her tears.

"And I love you more," she whispered gently, her hand caressing my face. "More than anything. More than everything."

And suddenly, it all seemed so easy. Everything just seemed easier even breathing.

Her lips crushed hungrily onto mine, and we both moaned at the contact. We kissed eagerly, our tongues fighting for dominance, as we lost ourselves in the feel of each other's touched. We only released each other's lips when oxygen became necessary.

Without breaking apart, I shifted us so that she was further up on the black and I was hovering over me. Her body pressed into mine, and I groan softly in both pleasure and pain at the feel of her against me.

Guess I was still a little sore from tonight.

"Was that a good groan or a painful one," Natasha teased, brushing her lips against my neck.

"Whatever you want it to be."

We kissed urgently, my hands traveling down her waist, her legs wrapped around mines like a vice. She hastily helped me out my shirt and threw it to ground, never breaking our kiss. She climbed on top of me to get better access to whatever she desired. I didn't mind that.

"My brawler," She whispered. Her nails traced the muscles of my stomach as my breathing increased. Her hands suddenly stopped and I knew why. I looked down to see her hand on an odd scar traced the circumference of his my left hip. The scar from the accident.

"Steve..." A faint whisper left her lips.

"It's alright." I kissed her chastely. "I'm ok now."

Natasja let her fingers linger on my hipbone, making me shiver a little, "You've been through so much..."

"Yes, but it led me to you, and I can't complain."

"Neither can I." She leaned up to press small kisses among the bruises and small scars that littered my body. She didn't pity me, she was accepting me.

I kept my eyes locked on hers as she proceeded to dig further into my pants but didn't go all the way.

"Three dates Nat," I whispered huskily.

"Fuck that," She said back forcefully and tugged on the band of my pants.

"Wait," I laughed softly, "I want you to know something. I would never hurt you. I love you too much to ever scare you or make you question how I feel for you. I'm sorry that you were hurt but I won't ever make you feel that way again."

"Promise me." She ran her fingers through my hair and couldn't break my stare, "Promise me."

"I promise."

My hands swept along the sides of her t-shirt. She raised her arms, and I pulled the shirt over her head, tossing it next to mines on the floor. I slid my arms underneath hers and easily unclasped her lacy blue bra.

God, take me now.

She whimpered as my hands began to fondle her left breast softly. I shivered lightly when I felt her tongue run along my pulse point.

My hands wandered up her bare back as I proceeded to pull her body against mine. The feeling was incredible. She moaned roughly as my fingers slowly traced her nipples, and arched into my hand. She tried to pull my pants down again but I stopped her before she could.

"Nat, are you sure about this? I don't want you to regret anything."

"Yes, I'm sure." She said unwaveringly.

Fuck it. I made it to two dates. That's about as good as I can do.

Carefully, I pushed her back onto the furry blanket and ran my hands along her bare legs which automatically opened to me, like they were trying to magnetically pull me towards her center. I pulled off her shorts leaving her in nothing but her lacy blue panties.

She sighed again as my hands massaged her feet before making a trail her legs with small kisses. My hands finally came to rest along her stomach, and my eyes never left hers as my fingers traced the outline of her panties.

She moaned in encouragement, and I hooked my fingers into the sides and slowly pulled her panties from her body. I couldn't help but let my gaze trace down her glorious body.

"You're so beautiful," I whispered as my fingers softly traced the skin of her upper thighs. I bent down to lightly kiss her wet center and her hands immediately gripped my hair.

"Can we please stop playing?" She whispered softly.

"Of course"

I grunted loudly and thrust against her hand as Natasha reached between us to grab my obvious arousal. She moved us again so that I was against the pillows as she was straddling me.

With a smile, she glided down my body and tugged my pants down my legs before throwing them to the floor. She kissed her way up my legs and onto my thighs. She leaned back slightly and stared at me with hungry eyes.

"Stop teasing," I whispered forcefully, pulling her back to the same length as me.

She cupped my face in her hands and began to trace small kisses along my jawline and neck, brutally continuing her teasing, "I thought you craved for the wait."

I entered her slowly, leaning down to met her lips as she adjusted to accommodate me.

"Not tonight," I growled against her neck.

"Oh...shit." She panted, urging me deeper as she plunged herself over me again. I groaned as the motion forced me to completely enter her, and our cries of pleasure were sweet and quiet but said everything we wanted them to.

We continued our movement, whispering each other's name over and over as she wrapped her arms around my neck, giving herself to me The only sounds in the room were our moans and the sound of our skin slapping against each other. Fire ran through my veins as I allowed myself, for the very first time in a long, to love and be loved in return.

"God, I can't get enough of you," Natasha whispered urgently as my lips stayed on her neck. Our movements became frantic.

I think I said something back but I couldn't tell. I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten, and as much as I didn't want to give in, I couldn't help it. We needed each other for so long. There was no way we could take this slow. Not this time. I knew we would have time for proper lovemaking later.

Lights flashed behind my closed eyes as I came violently, grunting into her bare shoulder and grabbing onto her back to hold her close.

Our thrusts slowed as I began pressing soft kisses to every inch of her face and we rode out or orgasms together. Exhausted, we both moaned and collapsed onto the warm blanket. Natasha crawled over a little and laid her head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her waist and cuddled against her.

"Wow. That was..." I couldn't even finish my thoughts and closed my eyes to revel in the feeling.

"Wow indeed." Natasha leaned and placed a small kiss on my jawline.

I sighed contently and pulled her impossibly closer against my chest as she rubbed her hands against it in a soothing motion.

"Happy Valentines Day, Steve," Natasha sighed, tightening her grip around me.

"Happy Valentines Day, Nat." I placed a kiss on her temple before letting myself fall into a sweet sleep.


	9. VIII.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning| This chapter involves domestic abuse and is heavily scripted in this chapter. If it offends or upsets you, I highly advise you not read this chapter. I have a positive message at the end that could hopefully lift your spirits.

_Natasha's POV_  
_"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places."_  
_— Ernest Hemingway_

* * *

**_VIII|BROKEN_ **

"Mom, when are you and Steve going out on another date?" Cade asked from the backseat as I drove him to school.

Here we go again.

"I don't know sweetheart and could you please stop saying things like that?" I stressed.

"But me and Maria want to be brother and sister so that means that you and Steve have to get married."

"Well, it takes time to get to that point with someone. We can't just jump into marriage." I snickered at his fallen face.

Oh to have the innocence of a child; free from pain and the pressures of the outside world.

"What about you and dad? He said that you two knew you were going to get married."

"We're here," I said as I pulled into the school parking lot, thankful that I didn't have to respond to that comment. Bruce hadn't called since his last disastrous attempt and I was seriously considering that restraining order because Bruce would be the one to make the trip over here. He wasn't above threats and I was scared but I knew that I would be ok if I just let him talk to Cade when he called and was sober.

Good thing I had Steve.

That night had been the best night of my life, apart from the gross misunderstanding, of course. When Steve and I made love, I felt a deeper connection than I knew was possible. It wasn't just a physical connection, although that was phenomenal. It was the look in his eyes when we had sex that told me he felt it too. His eyes were so full of love, all for me.

I had learned a lot about Steve that night. It was like the last piece of his puzzle was put in place and I could finally see the whole picture.

I was so happy that I left New York when I did. I never seemed to give myself the time to figure out what I really wanted. I was clueless as to what I needed in life. My stay in L.A helped me heal my torn heart. I was able to see clearly for once and I realized that I needed Steve. Steve loved and respected me for the person I was, not for who I could be or who he wanted me to be. He was in love with me and he showed me that.

There was a time when I would've thought that I didn't deserve the kind of love and devotion he showed me. I would have felt unworthy. But, not anymore. Steve and I were on equal footing. We loved each other beyond words. I would never doubt that I was worthy of love again. But Steve just had to prove me wrong.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I smiled when I saw Steve's name on the screen,  _"On the way home now?"_

_"Why? Miss me?"_

_"You know I do."_

_"Don't worry I'll be there."_

_"I'll be waiting, I love you."_

My heart fluttered at that, I was still getting used to it after all.

_"I love you too."_

Twenty minutes later, we were on his bed, gasping for breath as our kisses grew more and more frenzied.

Steve took my bra off not caring if he ripped it or not but thankfully his hands were working with restraint.

I gently yet surely kissed his lips, gliding my hands up and down his chiseled chest. He let out a groan and that only pushed me harder. My hands were running up and down his back as he soon moved his lips from my mouth to my neck and sucked on the area right behind my ear which drove me insane. He traveled farther to my collarbone and licked down onto my chest.

"Oh, Steve…."I arched unconsciously.

He began kissing down my body before reaching my hips. He leaned down, grabbed my panties with his teeth and pulled them down to my knees tantalizingly slow so that I could feel the cotton over my legs. He pulled them down the rest of the way with my fingers. I came back up between my legs and saw a hungry

"Wow…" He gasped before placing kisses on my inner thighs. "You're so beautiful."

"And I'm all yours."

Steve bent in and my toes curled at the sensation.

"Oh, God," I moaned loudly as my hips bucked up.

His hands ran up and down my legs as I grabbed a fistful of hair.

"Oh..." I shuddered from the sensations and I could tell he was enjoying himself down there.

He kept up his constant motion, in and out, at a quick speed as my breathing became more labored and my body contorted from the pleasure.

"Let it go, Nat," He whispered and that seemed to do the trick.

I reached my peak, gripping on the sheets with one hand and my other still in his hair.

My breath was slowly coming back to normal while my legs were still spread, "How was that?" He asked smugly.

I couldn't really speak so I just nodded my head. I ran my finger up her waiting entrance and she shuddered. Her eyes rolled

He ran his finger along my folds and I was dripping wet again.

He hovered over my body and looked at me with hungry, lustful eyes. All for me, all mine.

I reached up and pulled him down for a needy kiss as he slowly entered me.

"Fuck Steve… "

"Jesus Nat..."Steve breathed harshly against my neck as he moved in rhythm with my body.

He drove into me harder and harder. He sat up and brought my left leg over his shoulder so that I could get a new angle. I threw my head back, gripping the sheets for dear life.

He pumped into me forcefully, using the headboard as a stabilizer. I was close, very close.

A few more thrusts and my orgasm shook my body. Steve collapsed on top of me and we both laid still for a good ten minutes before I even had the energy to move.

"I think you killed me," I spoke first.

"I was just saying that in my head." Steve snickered and rolled off to the side.

I laid my head on my chest and our breathing became more normal as our eyes started to close.

I woke up in Steve's arms, my naked skin pressed tightly against his. The blanket was draped loosely over our midsections leaving our legs and arms exposed. The sun gently filtered in through the tent flap. My head rested on Steve's chest while my leg was tangled between his. His breathing was slow and deep. He looked beautiful, peaceful, and content. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how wonderful it felt to wake up in his arms. I snuggled closer to him, breathing in his scent letting my bare skin siphon the heat from his body. I couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped my lips as my hand casually traced patterns on his hot skin. I was in a state of euphoria. A part of me wished we could stay, just like this, forever.

I felt Steve's warm arms wrap tightly around me. I looked up and noticed that his eyes were open, though clouded with sleep. I smiled at him and his eyes brightened in response. He pulled me up to his body so that we were face to face. I leaned down and kissed him, barely able to contain my elation in being with him.

"Hey, sleepy."

"Hey." Steve leaned over for a kiss only to chuckle lightly, "We slept the whole day away."

"Really?"

Where did the time go? We couldn't seem to get enough of each other. We brought each other to exquisite release after release. We would rest, gaze into each other's eyes, and hold one another. A touch would then turn into a caress, a caress into a kiss, and we would start all over again. We were insatiable, and as a result, I was spent.

I felt him shift beneath me. He rubbed his hand up and down my back, pulling me closer with each pass. His other hand drifted to my face, angling my chin up so that he had better access to my lips. He kissed me sweetly, moaning against my mouth.

"I could get used to this," he grumbled.

"Oh, can you?" I teased, biting his lip softly.

"Definitely."

I tilted his chin towards me and leaned closer, "Did you know that I love you?"

"Funny, I believe I love you too." He chuckled lightly before leaning in for a soft kiss.

It was weird how easy it was for me to say 'I love you' to Steve. I only said 'I love you' to three men in my entire life. My father was a given but we never really showed affection to each other even though I did love him. My son was another given because he was...my son. How was I not supposed to love him? And then there was Bruce. I said it at our wedding and the first time we had sex, and a couple of times in those first few years but besides that, I didn't think that I could remember a time that I uttered an 'I love you' towards him.

How could I when he was screaming and throwing plates at my head? I was fucking scared for the whole time I was in my marriage and Bruce still scares me. It seemed that after Bruce knew that I loved him, he could really let loose. He didn't have to worry about me leaving him because he owned me. Would that happen again? I knew that I had to stop comparing Steve to Bruce but I couldn't help it.

"He won't hurt you again, Nat." Steve suddenly said solemnly.

"How..."

He interrupted me, "Every time you even think about him, you shake. You're doing it right now."

He nudged his head at my hand and sure enough, I was trembling, "Some scars never fade."

Steve ran a hand through my hair soothingly, "I would never hurt you or Cade. You know that right?"

"I know that but I'm scared Steve. When I told Bruce that I was leaving him, he said that I would never find anyone else who could love me because I was too damaged. He always put me down and never made me feel pretty. How can I just get over all of that? How can I forget all those years of..."

"Abuse?" He asked and I nodded.

"He was so cruel to me but I still loved him. I let my heart take over and didn't use my head. I got too far in and couldn't get out for years." I wiped my face when I realized that a tear was rolling off of my cheek.

"Natasha, listen to me," Steve said, sitting up and looking me in the eyes. "He isn't going to hurt you again, I swear. I won't let him. I swear, if I ever see him, he's going to regret everything he did to you."

"What is beating him up going to accomplish?" I said my voice breaking. "He's only going to get mad at  _me_  for what you do. And he'll do everything in his power to take Cade away from me."

"He isn't going to touch you. I'll kill him."

"Stop," I said, tears falling freely. "I don't know how serious you are about killing him, but the last thing I want is to have you locked up in jail."

Steve stared at me, his eyes soft.

"I hate being afraid," I whispered again, looking in his eyes for any kind of comfort.

Steve took my face in his warm hands, and his blue eyes were the most intense I had ever seen them.

"Listen to me," he said, wiping my tears with his thumbs. "You have nothing to be afraid of. It's over between you and him, okay? Even if he doesn't know it yet, he will. I'll tell him myself if you like. But he isn't going to hurt you ever again. I'll take care of it."

"But-"

"No buts. I love you, which means I'll protect you and Cade, I'll always protect you both. No matter what."

He didn't let go of my face and I saw in his eyes how sincere he truly was. He meant every single word.

But that didn't settle the fear in me. It was lessened, but it was still there.

"I don't want you to get hurt," I said.

Steve let go of me and snorted. "I'll be fine."

"I forgot who I was talking to," I said jokingly, wiping my face.

"I'm not saying I'm perfect. I have a temper and I'm overly possessive. I scream and yell but I promise you that I'm not anything like Bruce. I would never lay a hand on you and I will never stop loving you."

He was right. I had to stop comparing Bruce with Steve, I just didn't know how. I had only tried to have a relationship with a couple of guys ever since Bruce but I never got past the first stage with them. One guy was so nice but yelled at a waiter who got his order wrong and my mind went right back to Bruce. With therapy, I got myself back together but I guess I still hadn't gotten over him completely. Bruce still had power over me. I had to break him and Steve was the key.

I knew I loved Steve. He was my soul mate and on some level, I knew he was right. He had altered me in such a short amount of time and even though it didn't make sense rationally, my heart knew what it wanted. I had to have him in every way possible because I might die if I didn't.

* * *

"I just don't understand why you didn't let me take you home."

"I'm fine and very capable of taking myself home. Besides, I want this bikini to be a surprise for you."

He laughed out loud, "You just love surprising me, don't you?"

"Of course."

"Alright Nat, we're already at the beach, so just park by my house and walk on down. I'll see you when you get back here. I love you."

"I love you too Steve."

I couldn't believe how lucky I was to find a man who was my best friend, confidant, and lover all rolled into one. I had finally found the man of my dreams.

I was about to go back into my room but there was a low knock at the door and my body shook for some reason.

I rushed downstairs and pulled open the door.

I would have recognized him anywhere. Short, lean, tanned, short curly hair, deep terrorizing eyes.

"Wh...what are you doing here Bruce?" I asked and he grinned.

"It's nice to see you, Natasha." He spoke sweetly and hugged me. I stayed completely still until he pulled back.

"Go away." My voice was quivering but I wasn't going to let him terrify me.

"I want to spend time with you and Cade of course." He added his son's name like it was an afterthought.

"You don't deserve to spend time with us. You haven't called Cade in months and you expect to just show up here and act like nothing is wrong?"

"I'm trying to be better but you won't let me." He growled.

"What the hell does that mean?" I had grown a backbone in a couple of seconds and was stupidly still standing in the doorway.

"It means that you keep taking him further and further from me. I see you prancing around with Steve all the time and my son is acting like that's his father. Are you trying to make him forget me?"

"Yes."

He pushed his way into the house and held me up against the wall before grabbing a fistful of my hair, "Watch your mouth, Natasha. You know I can hurt you."

"Fuck off!"

"Quit your blubbering," Bruce growled. "Nobody can hear you crying, baby. No one except me, and I don't give a shit."

I tried to swallow back my sobs, racking my brain for ways to get him to let me go.

"Get your fucking hands off me!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, right."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why?" he asked incredulously. "Maybe because you fucking cheated on me a thousand times. Maybe because you never want to spend time with me. Maybe because after I told you to stay the fuck away from Rogers, you didn't want to fucking listen."

Steve.

I suddenly wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. Upon thinking about him, a fresh wave of tears began and I just couldn't control myself.

I took deep breaths through my mouth, trying to keep my mind clear. I had to think through this.

"You're mine and I'm gonna make sure it stays that way."

I knew what I had to do, I would fight.

Bruce dragged me all the way around to the back of the house, not bothering to carry me to make it easier on himself.

He was trying to make it as painful as possible for me, and so far he was pretty damn successful in that area.

Bruce pulled me up the stairs of the back porch; my bound feet slammed on the edges of every single one of the steps that he dragged me across.

Finally, the heels of my bare feet met the cool, smooth surface of kitchen tiles. Bruce kept pulling me, and the carpet in the hallways managed to burn the cuts on my heels even more. I clenched my teeth and took deep breaths through my nose, determined to show some strength.

He threw me on the floor, hard, and crouched down to hold me in position.

I stared up at him, terrified, as he fixed me with a cold glare.

"Don't try anything funny," he warned me.

The second I was free, I stretched on the cold ground, grateful for the feeling of circulation in my wrists and ankles beginning again.

I looked at Bruce and saw that he was staring at me contemplatively, his head cocked to one side.

My heart was pounding, wondering what he was going to do next. I wondered if I should try and hit him; after all, I was free now.

One glance at the huge muscles protruding from his tight t-shirt dissuaded me.

Still, I would try. If I couldn't persuade him to let me go, I'd fight until he was forced to.

I watched Bruce's hungry, predatory eyes travel from my face down to my boobs, and then lower.

My heart rate sped up; I knew that look.

"I'll be right back," he said, his eyes snapping back to my face. "I'm gonna go get you something to eat. I'll still be in the house, so I swear if I come back and you're not lying right here you're gonna be sorry."

With one last warning glance at me, he stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him. The doorknob moved a little and clicked.

He was locking me in.

I heard his footsteps retreat and then suddenly it was silent. I lay staring up at the ceiling, feeling lost. How was I supposed to get away?

I gasped lightly when I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. I looked at the caller I.D and it was like the sunshine parted the clouds. It was from Steve. I was going to be OK. I glanced at the top and noticed that I had 2% on my phone, I had to make it count.

I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes and control my voice before I spoke to Steve.

"Steve..."

"Nat, honey are you OK? You sound upset."

"Steve, I don't have that much time..." 

"Nat what the hell is going on, you're scaring me."

"Just come get me," I begged softly. "Please."

"Natasha, I'm on...." The line went dead.

"Shit!" I tossed my phone across the floor.

I glanced around me at the windowless room, empty save for the double mattress in the corner and a lamp in the other corner across the room. It was the back room in the basement. I've been meaning to make this a guest room but I never had the time to do so.

I looked up at the source of dim light, seeing that the sun was about to set right above the mattress. The blue sky was getting dim and at that moment I wanted nothing more than to be in the comfort of my blankets.

I stared at the skylight and saw that there was a latch that held it closed. The ceiling was a little low, so if I stood on the mattress I might be able to unlatch it and possibly stick my hand out, maybe even my head.

Maybe, if I was insanely lucky, someone would see me and call for help. Maybe I would even be able to go back and lay on the floor before Bruce got back.

A minute later I decided that it was worth a shot.

Heart hammering, I got to my feet and quickly tiptoed over to the mattress. I was a little unsteady on my feet but managed not to fall.

I climbed on the double mattress, seeing that if I stood on my toes, my fingers would be able to unlatch the skylight. However, I wouldn't be able to stick my hand out.

"What the fuck are you trying to pull?" Bruce's loud, an angry voice made me jump.

I whirled around and saw him standing at the open door, two bowls of soup in his hands. He looked absolutely furious.

How did he get in so fast? Did he just try and make me think I was locked in, so I wouldn't try and get out?

Suddenly he hurled a bowl across the room.

I dodged out of the way and the bowl crashed against the wall next to me, breaking into pieces as the soup flew everywhere.

Bruce set the other bowl down and made his way slowly over to me.

"Here I was, getting us some food, and you try to get away," he said, his eyes dangerous. "That's not very nice, is it?"

I was frozen, pressing myself against the wall.

"You...

He cut me off with a sharp slap to the face, grabbing me by my hair and throwing me off the mattress and onto the floor. My head hit the floor hard and I groaned, rolling onto my back. Bruce came over to me and grabbed my hair again, dragging me to the other end of the room, by the lamp.

"You think I was kidding when I told you not to try and pull anything?" he hissed in my face. He punched me in the face again and I cried out, despite my earlier promise to stay strong.

"Go fuck yourself," I spat in his face.

"Mmm," he hummed, wiping my spit off his cheek. "Still resilient as ever." He punched me again and I whimpered into the cold ground and held back a cry as I felt an excruciating pain in my nose.

"Don't worry baby," he whispered in my ear. "I'll break it out of you."

He stood up then and I refused to look at him, trying to ignore the pain in my face as I focused on the white wall next to my head.

"Look at me," he demanded.

I refused.

"Natasha," he warned.

I ignored him.

He kicked my back but I kept my lips shut tight as I winced.

Bruce lifted me by the hair again and slammed my head into the wall.

My suppressed cry of pain turned into a whimper as black spots appeared in front of my eyes and something warm trickled down my eyebrow and from my nose. I looked up and found my arm pointing at the lamp in the corner.

That's when I decided that it was time to start fighting back.

I crawled forward and grabbed the lamp, pulling it hard so its cord was pulled out of the socket.

"What the fuck are you-"

Before he could finish, I threw the lamp at him, falling on my back with the power behind my throw.

Bruce ducked and the lamp flew over his head, crashing into the wall and shattering but it caught him in the arm, cutting his wrist.

I got on my feet as Bruce said, a maniacal growl to his voice, "Oh, so now you want to fight."

I tried to run, but he grabbed me and punched me so hard that I fell on my ass again, spots forming before my eyes.

He beat me until he was so tired that he was panting. My head was covered with my hands but that only meant that my arms took all the pain. He kicked when his arms got tired and punched when his legs got tired.

When he was done he dragged me over to the mattress and threw me down. I moaned in pain, my eyes opening wide when he straddled me.

"I fucking love it when you moan," he said, roughly pushing my hair out of my face. He took my aching face in his hands and kissed me hard, pure aggression in the movement of his lips. He bit my lip and I screamed, knowing that it would bruise.

I kneed him easily in the balls before he let go of my lips to punch me in the nose.

The pain that it caused me was agonizing, and I knew for sure he had broken it now.

Somewhere, buried deep inside, I found the power in me to punch him back. My fist connected with his jaw and a sharp pain went through my wrist. The punch made him angrier as his fist rained down on me even more.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ , I cried in my head. He's on top of you; did you expect him to get off? Did you expect to actually hurt him?

I protected my head again but that didn't help much. My hurt wrist was screaming in pain, as were my arms.

I fought as much as I could, scratching his face, slapping him, punching him, trying to kick him off me. I tried to ignore the torture provided by my injured wrist, nose, and arms, clenching my teeth against the pain.

It was like trying to fight a brick wall.

Useless.

The only time he got off me, it was just so he could kick me in the ribs.

The whole time this was going on, I tried my hardest not to cry out. I took the beating silently, wanting nothing more than for him to take out his supposed gun and shoot me.

I just wanted it to end.

It felt like hours before he was done. I remained completely still, playing dead in a way. My whole body ached; there wasn't an inch of my skin that he left untouched. I was afraid to move, wanting him to think that he killed me.

Because that's exactly what he was doing. Slowly, but surely.

I was laying sideways, my face pressed into the wall, so he rolled me onto my back with his foot.

He came on top of me and started kissing my neck as his hands traveled under my shirt and under my bra.

My eyes flew open as his hands traveled down to the waistband of my sweats.

No, not this. Anything but this.

"Stop," I said, my voice hoarse. "No."

"Shut up," he said through clenched teeth.

His hand went under my waistband and under my panties.

"No!" I screamed.

I didn't know where my strength came from, but it came from somewhere. I poked him in the eyes, my fingernails connected with his eyeballs, causing him to scream and cuss loudly.

"Fuck!" he cried, pulling his hands out from my pants. "You bitch!"

He climbed off, clutching his face, and I took that opportunity to get on my hands and knees and crawl as far as I could in the state I was in. I tasted blood in my mouth as it trickled down from my nose and every single movement was so painful that the black spots came back.

I had only made it halfway to the door when I felt him grab my ankles, my knees giving out as he yanked me and I collapsed onto my stomach.

He dragged me back and I kicked with all my might; my foot was able to connect with his face and I took that opportunity to get on my feet and run.

I ran as far as the living room before he came up behind me and grabbed my arm, twisting it behind me painfully.

He threw me on the floor, but I was able to grab hold of a vase on a nearby table and smash it into his face as he tried to climb on top of me again. I crawled away, towards the front door, screaming for help in the hopes that someone out there would hear me through the walls.

Bruce kicked me in the back of the head and I was on my stomach once more. He rolled me over onto my back and took my face in his hands. I was in too much pain to move so I just whispered, "Let me go." My voice was seeping with desperation.

Bruce's hard glare bore into mine. "Never."

He was off his guard so I stabbed his eyes with my fingers again. He cried out and grabbed his face with his left hand while his right wrapped around my neck tightly.

He was choking me.

I was struggling to breathe, my fingernails clawing at his hands.

I was suddenly tired of trying to run. I didn't know what I did to deserve this. No one deserved this. Bruce had tried to control me from the beginning, and it was time I put it to a stop. There was no one here to protect me, no one here to help fight Bruce off.

No Steve, no army, no police.

Just me.

I didn't want to be Bruce's victim.

I wanted him to be mine.

I had let go of him just recently, and now it was my turn to tell him that I wasn't fucking around anymore. He had his fun breaking and bending me, making me hate him, but enough was enough.

He couldn't have me anymore.

My lungs were screaming for oxygen as I tried and failed to pry Bruce's fingers from around my windpipe.

He scowled down at me with a bloody face (did I really do that to him?) and his teeth were bared, his eyes bloodshot (did I do that, too?).

"You can never have me," I gasped, and it hurt to speak. "You'll have to kill me first."

With that, I spat again and caught him right in the eye, causing him to sprawl in pain.

I barely halted myself up and grabbed the nearest thing I could use as a weapon.

After a moment, he looked at me with a shocked expression as I held the fire iron in front of me, "I will never, ever stop fighting you. I'm done running." 

I spat blood on the floor before I said, "You don't own me anymore."

"We'll see about that."

* * *

I was awake, but I was actually dead.

I was in pain, but I was numb.

I could see, but I was blind.

Where was I?

I couldn't move, it hurt too much.

But I could feel a little. I knew I was lying down because I could feel something soft under me.

The mattress.

So I was still here, I was still alive.

Damn it.

It hurt so much to breathe.

Why was I still breathing?

I didn't want to breathe anymore.

Then, I felt something.

It wasn't anything on my body; it was something outside of it.

A presence.

Was it Bruce?

I hoped it wasn't.

I hoped he dropped dead somewhere.

I found that I could move my head without the pain in my torso.

The presence felt like it was to my left, so I turned my head in that direction.

My vision was blurry, but I saw someone standing in the doorway.

Who was that?

I blinked, trying to see better.

That face. That beautiful face. I knew that face, I loved that face. It was an angelic face, a face that made me feel like there was hope.

But who was it?

He was tall, with a messy head of bronze hair. His blue eyes were wide with horror.

"Steve," I finally gasped.

It hurt so much to say his name.

It hurt so much that for the fourth time, I let myself be swallowed into darkness.

* * *

_Steve's POV_

The second her eyes closed, I started moving. I was on my knees next to her in an instant, taking her battered face in my hands.

"Natasha, Natasha," I said frantically. "Natasha open your eyes, please." My voice was breaking, my eyes wet. My heart felt like someone was squeezing it in a vice grip, my chest tightening painfully.

Her face was cold, and my hands shook as I set her head back down and pulled my phone out.

I was breathing heavily, blinking back tears.

I hadn't fucking cried since Peggy's funeral; this woman had the power to do that to me.

My thoughts were in a jumble, my hands never ceasing to shake as I kept chanting her name, hoping that she would hear my voice and lead herself back.

She couldn't be gone, she just couldn't.

I'd die. I'd follow her, wherever she was.

I stared at the slow rise and fall of her chest, telling myself that that was a good sign.

"911, what's your emergency?" came the voice from the other end.

I swallowed, my mouth opening but no sound coming out.

"Hello?"

"I need an ambulance," I finally choked out. "310 Haymaker Street... Downto.."

Something hit me hard on the back of the head and I fell to the side, my phone flying out of my hand and sliding across the floor.

Trying to blink the dark spots away, I flipped onto my back in time to roll out of the way a second before Bruce's fist could hit me again.

I hopped onto my feet, one final glance at the broken girl in the corner enough to get the angry blood pumping through me furiously. I only had a second to look at Bruce's face; apparently, Natasha had put up a fight. He had his own set of cuts on his face.

But that was nothing compared to what I was going to do to him.

He lunged at me and we tumbled to the floor.

My fists connected with his jaw a few times as he tried to get his blows in. I pushed him off of me and he fell on his ass. I took that opportunity to kick him in his face as he tried to get back on his feet.

I wouldn't let him.

I made sure he stayed down as my fists rained down on him, a string of profanities the only think leaving my mouth and going through my head. He got his blows in, but I barely felt them.

All I felt was the months of built up rage, blinding fury that was turning me back into the monster I used to be.

I threw Bruce against the wall and it shook with the impact; his fist collided with my left eye and I returned his blows as he returned mine- a vicious circle of violence. Both of us wanted the other one on the ground, at our mercy.

I was thrown on the ground, Bruce on top of me as he grabbed my neck, choking me. I struggled to breathe, using my hands to try and punch him, but he was leaning out of reach. My lungs were about to burst from lack of air as my fist finally collided with his jaw. His grip loosened and I took that as my chance to take his fingers and bend them backward, hard.

There was a loud snap and Bruce cried out in agony, falling to the ground and clutching his hands.

I kicked at him, punched him, hit him until he was curled on the ground, helplessly trying to protect his head.

I became pissed that he wasn't fighting back. If he didn't fight back I wouldn't have the satisfaction of knowing that I had fucked him up in a fair game.

"Get up and fight me, motherfucker!" I growled, kicking him until he was on his back, his distorted fingers in the air.

"Get up!" I said as I kicked him in the head.

He groaned and rolled over, getting on his knees and climbing to his feet as I caught my breath.

He stumbled back against the wall and I knocked him down on the ground again, his head hitting the floor with a loud thud.

I was getting tired; my muscles ached and my face hurt. My knuckles were cut up and sore and my heart was hammering as sweat ran down my forehead.

I threw the fucker off me and he came for my throat again, but I kicked him in his dick and he fell on his knees, clutching his crotch.

Normally I would sympathize shit like this, but not this time.

Bruce wasn't human to me.

And at that moment, neither was I.

I kicked him some more, stomping on his face mercilessly.

He was yelling something, probably telling me to stop, but I didn't care. My ears heard nothing but the sound of the blood rushing in my veins and the sound of my frantic heartbeat.

"Wait, stop," Bruce was saying, his face contorted with pain as blood gushed from his nose. "Wait!"

"Fuck you!" I cried, barely recognizing the insane, demonic voice that came out of me.

I wanted him dead, and I wanted it to be slow.

Bruce kept trying to get on his feet, but I kept knocking him down. He was crying out in pain, the pathetic little shit, but I didn't give a fuck.

Somehow he managed to aim a kick at me and I fell on my ass in the kitchen. I grabbed the leg of a stool and threw it at him just as he got on his feet. He grabbed the stool before it could hit him and threw it aside, charging at me like a wild bull, half-crouched.

He grabbed me around the waist and we were on the ground again, my foot pushing up to hit him under the chin.

He held up a hand. "Wait," he said, panting. "Just wait. Think about Cade. He needs his father and you wouldn't kill his father, would you?"

I paused only for a second before I ignored his plea and punched him in the head.

His head flew back and knocked into the corner of the counter loudly.

His body became limp as his eyes closed and he fell back onto the tiles of the kitchen with a loud thud.

He was still.

I stood over him, panting, waiting for him to get back up.

He didn't.

Was he playing dead?

I kicked him in the shins. "Get the fuck up!"

He was silent.

I kicked him in the face and stepped on his cheek. "I said get the fuck up, asshole!"

He was still, unconscious, and that infuriated me.

My fists started raining down on his head again, the only thought in my head that I wanted to do to him what he did to Natasha.

I hit, kicked, and punched his lifeless body, the echoes of skin upon skin reverberating through the kitchen like drums.

I grew tired and stopped my blows, panting.

I stared at him; I had knocked him out cold.

His chest wasn't rising or falling and I paused.

I hesitantly got to my knees next to him and put my ear close to his mouth.

The lightest trickle of breath came out, but nothing more.

He was still breathing.

I stood up just as I heard the sirens. They started out in the distance and then got louder. I wasn't sure if it was the ambulance or the police.

I stared down at Bruce's body, his face paler than usual. An odd kind of panic went through me.

Had I killed him?

I mean, I had wanted to, but not quite literally.

Then again, maybe I did. . .

I had meant to disable him, but had I gone too far?

Did I care?

Just a bit.

I heard pounding footsteps and then Wanda's voice called out, "Natasha! Steve!"

"In here!" I called back, my voice hoarse.

Wanda came running into the kitchen, her eyes falling on the lifeless body at my feet.

She stared at it in shock and horror, just as the sound of more pounding feet met my ears.

"Oh my god! What did you do to him?" Wanda asked. She almost looked scared.

I shrugged sheepishly. "Beat the shit out of him."

". . . Is he dead?"

"Still breathing."

"Didn't I ask you to keep him conscious so I could get my share in?"

I gestured at Bruce's body, indicating that she should proceed and do what she wanted.

A few paramedics came in, along with a few cops.

"Where's Natasha?" Wanda suddenly asked me.

I remembered her then, my throat closing up again.

Two paramedics came forward to look at Bruce.

"What happened?" one of them asked me.

"I need to see Natasha," I said curtly, ignoring their questions.

"Wait, let me take a look at you!" a paramedic said to me as I went in the direction of the room Natasha was in.

"Get out of my way," I snapped, hurrying now.

When I walked into the room, the sight I saw before me made me freeze.

There she was, lifeless. Bloodied and beaten to a pulp.

I carried her in my arms and set her down gently on the gurney, rolled in by two paramedics.

"Help her, please," I whispered to a paramedic, his voice agonized. "I can't . . . just, please. . ."

They checked her pulse and said some words of reassurance to me, but I couldn't focus on them.

My eyes were on the woman lying on the gurney, her bruised face battered yet still hauntingly beautiful. I somehow managed to blame myself. If I had gotten here on time, if I hadn't left her house last night, if-if if if-if. . .

So many fucking ifs and it felt like they were all pointing to me.

I watched as they rolled Natasha out of the room, and I followed with a heavy heart and aching body. As soon as Natasha was pulled in the paramedics and I followed, firm hands were placed on my shoulder.

"Sir, only family members can rid..."

"Get your fucking hands off me!"

A few cops were getting me to calm down and it wasn't long before I was thrown on the ground, arms behind my back. "I'm not leaving her alone again," I mumbled into the ground, the pavement becoming wet with my tears.

Wanda went to my side and knelt by my head as the cops tried to get me to relax.

"Calm down," She said, her own shaky voice betraying me. "She's going to be fine."

I didn't respond and kept my face pressed into the concrete.

A few minutes later they let me up and a few paramedics started bitching at me about my own cuts and bruises, but I told them to piss off and headed for my car, intent on following the ambulance to whatever hospital they were headed to.

Before I could reach it, I was stopped by a cop, who questioned me more about what happened at the house.

I knew I couldn't tell him to piss off, so I told him all I could without saying anything that would get me in trouble. I went on about Bruce abusing Natasha, about him holding her hostage, and about me coming and fucking him up.

"You do realize you truly hurt that young man, don't you?" he asked sternly after I was done."That was the intention," I said stiffly.

He stared at me, probably contemplating if he should arrest me for anything. I hadn't necessarily done anything wrong. I had tried to make it look like a testosterone-fuelled, teenage fight in my story.

Well, maybe I had done something wrong, but I basically sugar-coated every fucking thing to make me look like the good guy.

"Do you realize that you trespassed on private property?" he asked.

What the fuck. It was like he was trying to find a reason to arrest me.

"This is my girlfriends home.," I replied, trying to keep my cool. "She lives here with her son and I was worried about trying to save the woman I loved, so I didn't give a shit about trespassing, really."

"Well you did a hell of a job with saving her," he said condescendingly.

I almost punched him in the face. The only thing stopping me was the fact that he could throw my ass in prison and also that my whole body was aching. I just didn't want to fight anymore.

"Listen, I could give a shit about what you have to say so either get out of my way or I'll move you out the way," I said.

He let me go after that, asking for my information and shit first so he could get in touch if this turned into a full-blown investigation or something.

By the time he was done, the ambulances were long gone and I had to find my own way to the hospital. I followed some signs that indicated where the nearest one was, and silently prayed that I was going to the right one.

* * *

"Mr. Rogers, the paparazzi won't leave..." The doctor started before I cut him off.

"If they even step foot in this building, I will have your fucking job in the palm of my hands."

"Yes, sir," He nodded curtly before leaving.

I stared at Natasha's heart rate monitor, the steady beeping of the machine assuring me that everything was okay. Well, other than the fact that she still looked like crap and would probably be in pain once she woke up.

It was the day after the whole ordeal, around two in the morning. Wanda was asleep in an armchair in the corner of the room, a blanket draped over her small form. She was snoring lightly as I sat in the chair by Natasha's bed, my eyes always on either her face or the monitor.

Wanda and I hadn't left the hospital. We took turns sleeping in the armchair in the corner, wanting someone to be there when Natasha woke up. We lived on crappy cafeteria food and coffee, both of us, especially me, need to have a shower. My jacket and jeans weren't exactly in the best condition after rolling around in the dirt, fighting. I had gotten dirty looks from nurses due to my appearance, but I honestly didn't give a fuck. They couldn't make me leave.

The kids don't know what happened to Natasha, I couldn't bear to tell them, especially Cade. I just told them that she wasn't feeling too good and that she had to be in the hospital for a few days. I also informed Elsa to keep them off their devices for a while, knowing that the fucking Hollywood feds already caught wind of this.

I smiled slightly when I saw the teddy bears and flowers sat on the table by Natasha's bed, an indication of how much she was loved.

My body still ached, but that didn't stop me. I was going to sit my ass right here until she opened her eyes.

I knew Bruce was in the same hospital, but I didn't trust myself to find out exactly what room.

I glanced down at her right hand, which was lying next to her thigh, a cast around her wrist. Her knuckles were all cut up and were just starting to scab over.

I reached out and stroked her cut knuckles, my first time touching her since yesterday when she left. There was a slight undercurrent of electricity in my fingers when my skin touched hers. That always happened, and I never quite understood why.

I gently took Natasha's limp hand in mine, my brows furrowing at how cold she was.

I glanced at her face, which was overpowered by the oxygen mask, and wondered if she could hear me. The doctors had said that she wasn't in a coma-like Bruce and that she was just in a deep sleep because of the anesthetic. Her eyes were responsive to light, but she just hadn't woken up yet.

They also said it was somewhat of a miracle that she only had a few broken ribs, a nose, and a sprained wrist. With the beating she had to take, it could have been much worse.

"Alright beautiful," I whispered to her lifeless form. "It's time to for you wake up now, don't you think?"

I sighed. "But we know it's not your fault. He isn't going to bother you anymore. I took care of him. I may have overdone the whole thing, but all that matters is that he is officially out of your life. For good."

I paused, watching her face. For a second I thought I saw her eyes move under her eyelids, but once I was staring at her she was still.

I bit my lip and continued, my throat feeling a little tighter. "I'm sorry, Nat. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I broke my promise. You know how I said that Bruce won't hurt you again because I'd protect you? Obviously, you know that that shit didn't exactly go as planned. If it did, you wouldn't be here attached to so many fucking tubes. Now I feel like it's my fault that everything happened. If I had just. . . I should've never let you go home alone."

"And now I could be taken to prison. Really fucking brilliant, right? Bruce should become some inmate's bitch, not me. He hit me first anyway, though even if he hadn't I still would have fucked him up. Still, just seeing you like this kills me, it kills me so much that I can't even..."

I trailed off, sighing. I might as well have been talking to myself. I glanced at her heart rate monitor, which had pretty much become a habit, and noticed that there was something different about it.

Was her heart beating faster?

I glanced at her face, worried. She looked the same.

I leaned forward again, squeezing her hand just a bit.

"I love you, Natasha, I love you and I'm gonna get you through this." I clasped her hands and raised them to my lips, kissing them softly, "I'll never leave you again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have read this chapter, I have a few things I would like to share. As a child, domestic violence was very evident in my home and it's something that I believe should be talked about. The mother of my children has also been traumatized with this and I wrote this chapter to bring awareness to my readers/supporters to show them that if they are going through this, you are not alone. You are worth more than what people tell you, you deserve better and there is someone out there who will love, respect, and treasure you every day. Much love. 🧡


	10. IX.

_Steve's POV_  
_"There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."_  
_— Laurell K. Hamilton_

* * *

_**IX|COPE** _

The loudest sound in the room was that of Natasha's heart rate monitor, and I had yet to let her hand go.

"Come on beautiful," I asked her. "Can I see those beautiful green eyes please,?"

I felt free talking to her, not knowing if she could hear me. Everything I said to her was things I wanted her to know, but I also didn't mind if she couldn't hear a word of it.

Every time I looked at her face, the guilt became overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," I said for the millionth time. "I love you, so much Nat. Come back to me."

Then, ever so slightly, I felt her finger move.

My eyes shot down to our hands and again, gently, her middle finger pressed lightly against the back of my hand.

"Natasha?" I said. "Natasha, can you hear me?"

Two of her fingers moved this time, and I knew I had to keep talking.

She was finally coming back.

"Natasha, listen to the sound of my voice. I know I sound like shit, but still, follow it out, okay?"

She made a soft noise in her throat, almost like a light moan.

"C'mon," I said. "I know you can hear me. Open those eyes."

Her heartbeat accelerated a little and her eyes fluttered.

I smiled and squeezed her hand. "That's it. Wake up now."

Her beautiful green orbs opened and she stared at the ceiling, her eyes moving here and there as they blinked. Her brows furrowed and she used her left hand to pull the oxygen mask off.

I squeezed her hand again and she finally looked at me, her sleepy eyes staring.

I stared back hesitantly, not knowing what the expression on my face was.

"Hi," I said softly.

Natasha smiled just a little and then winced.

"What hurts?" I asked, concerned.

"Everything," she whispered. Her voice was raspy.

I glanced around, not knowing what to do. I spotted the button to the right of the bed, the one that called the nurses.

"Want me to call a nurse?" I asked. "I think they're supposed to give you more pain reliever."

Natasha shook her head and winced again.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "You'd rather be in pain?"

Natasha nodded. "I don't want to go to sleep again," she whispered.

I didn't want her to either, but I'd rather she wasn't in pain.

I bit my lip, thinking. "I think Wanda would like to see you awake. She went to get coffee. Do you want me to call her?"

She shook her head and I raised my eyebrows, surprised. "No? How come?"

Natasha stared into my eyes and then squeezed my hand.

I understood. She wanted to be alone with me for a few minutes longer.

I smiled at her and kissed her forehead as soft as I could. Natasha sighed and then winced, "Ow!"

I pulled back immediately, "What is it?" I asked.

"My ribs."

"That's right, they're broken."

"Shit."

"I know. Maybe you do need some more anesthetic."

She shook her head frantically, looking almost scared.

The door opened and Wanda walked in, two cups of coffee in her hands.

She froze, staring at Natasha wide-eyed.

"You're awake!" she said, a huge smile spreading across her face. She quickly walked over and held the cups out to me. I took them from her, scowling.

She reached down to hug Natasha and I panicked a bit. "Hey! Gently! Are you trying to fucking crush her some more?"

Wanda pulled back and saw Natasha's pained expression.

"I'm so sorry, honey," she said. "Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head.

"She needs more anesthetic," I told him.

Natasha threw me a death glare and I laughed, amused that she could look so threatening in the state she was in.

"Really?" Wanda said. She reached out to press the button for the nurse.

"No!" Natasha said loudly, and Wanda froze.

I watched as her face contorted with pain.

"No need to shout," I admonished. "Relax."

"She doesn't want to go back to sleep," I informed Wanda before I took Nat's hands in mine again, "Nat, I'm glad you're awake, but if you're in pain. . . "

"I'm fine babe," she whispered. "Honest."

"I know, but the pain is one of the reasons you passed out in the first place. According to the paramedics, anyway."

She stared at me in defeat.

I pressed the button and called for the nurse, and I held out a cup of coffee to Wanda. I wanted one hand free so I could hold Natasha's.

She took the cup from me just as a nurse walked in. She gave me a look that clearly said "get the fuck out of my way" and I sighed, standing up.

I stood next to Wanda as we watched her inject something into Natasha's IV. Natasha looked terrified, and I could tell by her heart monitor that her heart was beating fast.

"Calm down, sweetheart," the nurse told her. "This is going to make you feel all better."

The nurse left soon after, and Natasha started to stare at me intensely as I took the seat next to her again. Wanda was on the phone with our mother, telling her that Natasha had woken up.

"What's wrong?" I asked with her hands close to my lips, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't-"

"I know you don't want to go back to sleep, but you have to. The more you sleep the better you'll feel every time you wake up."

She continued to watch me, looking like she had something to say.

I stared right back, taking a sip of my coffee.

A bitter taste filled my mouth and I grimaced, swallowing.

"What the fuck is this shit?" I asked Wanda.

She paused her conversation with mom to look at me like I was stupid. "It's coffee, dumbass."

"Doesn't taste like it."

"Don't you like yours without sugar?"

"Fuck no!"

"I could've sworn you told me you did. Oops. My bad."

I stood up, rolling my eyes. "I'm gonna go get another."

I glanced at Natasha, who was still staring at me.

"You okay?" I asked.

She nodded and blinked, her eyes half-closed from the anesthetic catching up with her system.

"I'll be back," I told her. "Though you'll probably be asleep when I do."

She opened her eyes wider as if to make sure she was still awake when I returned, but I just smiled at her effort. She would be out cold any second now.

"Good night," I said, smirking, and she glared at me. I bent down and brushed my lips against hers softly as she lightly placed a hand on my cheek.

I sighed and headed towards the door.

"Steve?"

She called me softly, her voice barely above a whisper, but I heard it even over Wanda's hushed conversation with mom.

I turned to look at her again, and she was fighting to keep her eyes open.

"Nothing is your fault," she whispered. "Nothing.

* * *

"Shit." I growled, "I'm on the wrong floor."

I looked around at the doors and saw that all their numbers began with two. I was on the second floor and Natasha was on the third.

I cussed and stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway, turning around and crashing right into an elderly nurse that had just come out of a room.

She squealed and dropped the files she was holding, and I caught her before she could fall over.

"Fuck," I said, crouching down to pick up the scattered papers. "I'm sorry."

I stood up with the papers and was about to hand them back to her when a certain name on one of them stopped me cold.

On one of the papers, the patient's name was listed as Bruce Banner.

I stared at it, my eyes running frantically over the other information. I wasn't able to take in much before the nurse snatched them out of my hand.

"Watch where you're going, young man," she chastised. "This is a hospital, you need to be careful. And don't be so nosy, this is none of your business."

"Sorry," I muttered again, and she turned and walked in the opposite direction.

I looked at the door the nurse had come out of, my heart hammering.

Was Bruce in there?

I glanced down the hallway to see that no one was paying any attention to me.

Quickly, I reached out and grabbed the door's handle, turning it and quietly slipping into the room.

The room was empty, except for the broken boy on the hospital bed.

Bruce didn't look so arrogant when he was unconscious. He had several stitches and a cast on his left hand, while a tube attached to a ventilator was shoved down his throat.

His room was smaller and looked so much colder than Natasha's. He had no teddy bears or flowers on the bedside table, and there was no fam5ily here to sit by him and see if he would wake up.

He looked completely and utterly alone.

I stood far from his bed, not trusting myself to get too close. I still had the coffee cup in my hand, but it was frozen in mid-air.

"You know," I started off, "It's always guys like you that makes the world so fucking disgraceful. You think you can just flaunt your fucking money around and own everything and everyone around you. You..." I broke off, clearing my throat. "You think you just put your hands on a woman, my woman, like a coward and just damn the consequences."

"And the worst part is that you won't even be around to watch your son grow up, to watch him flourish into a mature young man." I closed my eyes and sighed, "You're an even bigger bastard than my father was."

"That motherfucker put his hands on women too, and he had no respect for his children either. But my daughters will have nothing to do with that man as long as I breathe because I will love them as a father should. And that includes Cade."

I opened my eyes and part of me wished that he was awake, so he could actually feel the pain he was in. I suddenly wanted him to stay alive because dying would be the easy way out.

"You won't ever come near Cade and Natasha ever again, I bet my life on it."

"Who are you?"

I whirled around at the sound of the timid voice.

It was a small woman, slight in figure with pale skin and jet black hair cut short. She wore a large winter coat that seemed to swallow her small body, and her dark eyes were beady and frightened.

She had to be a relative of Bruce's.

"Uh, I, I...," I stuttered.

How was I supposed to answer that?

Hello, I'm responsible for this fuckers death?

"What are you doing in my son's room?" the woman asked.

So she was his mother. . .

"I was just paying Bruce here a visit . . . "I said solemnly.

I bit my lip, feeling awkward as the lady stared at me.

"I'll just . . . leave," I added.

I went around her to get to the door and was about to get my ass out of there when her voice stopped me in my tracks.

"I don't know what to do with him," she said. Her voice sounded far off like she was daydreaming and just mumbling to herself.

"Sorry?"

She had her back to me and didn't turn around as she kept talking to herself.

"They say it's my choice whether or not to take him off life support," she muttered. "They say he won't make it. But I don't know . . . that would be like killing him . . . even though he's already dead."

I was frozen, not knowing what the hell I was supposed to do.

"Even after everything he did, he's still my son. I still love him, despite the torture he's put me through. I'm going to be all alone if he's gone. . ."

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly going dry.

"Lady, why are you telling me this?" I asked.

She jumped at the sound of my voice and turned to look at me. Her eyes looked dazed and were frantically looking me over.

She looked mentally unstable.

"Who are you?" she asked again.

I didn't say anything.

With one last parting glance, I turned and left the room.

I was sure about one thing: There was a lot I had yet to know about Bruce Banner.

* * *

 

The first night Nat came home, and she was in my arms, I couldn't help but wonder if she would ever be the same again.

That first week back was hell. Natasha's body was a mass of bruises and broken bones. She was also mentally and physically exhausted. After that first night, The doctor checked on her and recommended that she take stronger pain medication and sleeping pills. He thought it best that she remain partially sedated to allow her mind and body to heal. It spoke to Natasha's state of mind that she didn't argue with him. In fact, she agreed whole-heartedly.

She stayed with me and only managed to stay awake for a few hours each day. It was just enough for her to eat to keep up her strength. We didn't talk much, though I stayed by her side whenever I could. The medication was pretty strong so that even if she did talk, her words were slurred. But, during those few lucid moments, she would mumble, "I don't want to be weak, Steve. I'm not going to be weak anymore." Other than that, she slept the hours and days away. She missed a lot of the kids' basketball games because of it.

I had never needed her more than when I had to tell Cade that his mother wasn't feeling well, I couldn't bear to tell him the truth. I felt like such a fraud. I hadn't been there for him when Natasha needed me most. The guilt was crippling, but I knew that I needed to be strong for my friends and family; and especially for Natasha.

After that first week, the doctor took Natasha off of the stronger pain meds and recommended that she scale back on the sleeping pills. He felt she was strong enough to begin the process of healing on her own. The swelling had finally gone down, but she was still covered in dark bruises. It would take a while for the bruises to fade from her pale skin. Her ribs were still wrapped up tight. Nothing to be done about that. They would heal in time. Aside from the obvious, the doctor said she was in good enough health, but that she should take it easy for a while.

Natasha disagreed with that recommendation.

Once the doc gave the go-ahead, Natasha turned into a whirlwind of activity. She never mentioned her time with Bruce. In fact, other than her initial break down in the shower, she didn't talk about what happened to her. She acted like nothing was wrong; pretended she wasn't covered in bruises and healing from broken bones.

I had to practically beg Nat to come to stay with me for a while. In light of everything that had happened, we all felt safer knowing she was close to me. I loved having her near me, but despite her reassurances to the contrary, I knew Natasha was on edge.

She didn't allow anyone to visit except for the doctor, and that was only because he was a doctor. She'd smile politely when he showed up, but the smile never reached her eyes. She'd flinch whenever he touched her during the examination and the moment he removed his hand, she'd shiver with a look of disgust on her face.

After that first week, I took to sleeping on the couch to give Natasha some space. She didn't ask me to do it, but I could tell that she was relieved when I offered. She brushed it off saying that she was still healing and she didn't want to bump into me while she slept and injure herself further. But, I knew that wasn't the whole truth. She just didn't want to be touched, by anyone. And considering what she'd been through, I couldn't exactly blame her for it. I loved her. It wouldn't kill me to give her the space she needed.

The nightmares started the first night she was off the meds. I was startled awake by the sound of screaming coming from my bedroom. I jumped up off the couch and ran upstairs to Natasha. Leah peeked out of her room looking worried. But I waved her off.

I burst into my bedroom to find Natasha tangled in the sheets. Her skin was damp with sweat. Her brow was furrowed and her hands fisted the comforter in a death grip. I ran to her, cradling her against my chest. I brushed her wet hair from her face. "Shhhh, Nat. It's me. You're okay. You're safe now." Her subconscious mind must have recognized me because she instantly stilled in my arms. She took a few calming breaths before opening her eyes. I expected to see fear, but instead, she looked embarrassed.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Must have been a bad dream," she added lamely.

She gracefully pulled herself out of my arms and scooted towards the middle of the bed. I tried not to show how much that hurt, but if I was being honest, it had felt like a dagger to the heart.

"You're safe now," I told her.

She smiled at me. "I know, Steve. Thank you." She turned onto her side, her back facing me. And just like that, I had been dismissed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She laughed nervously. "God, no," she said. "It was just a silly dream. Good night."

And that was the end of that. Except, the nightmares didn't stop. They were a nightly occurrence. Every night I went into my room to find her in the same state, screaming and tossing and turning. She'd wake up looking embarrassed and then she'd thank me for checking up on her. Sometimes she'd even give me a squeeze on the arm and a timid smile in reassurance. But, she refused to talk about it. She acted like the dreams were no big deal.

And then real life started getting in the way. I wasn't around the kids as much as I would've liked. I had missed two weeks of training and I had to catch up on a lot of work. Luckily Roman understood my absence when I explained what happened to Natasha. I would much rather spend all my time with Natasha anyway. I had failed in protecting her from Bruce. I would be damned if I would disappoint her and postpone our plans for the future.

But the stress was starting to get to me. Normally, I would be able to take comfort in Natasha, to lay my burden down so we could both work through it together. But more and more, I felt like I was on my own.

Needless to say, I was busy with my responsibilities. But, nothing was more important to me than Natasha and the kids. She was my top priority. I would come home for lunch as often as I could to spend time with her. And assuming I didn't have patrol, I'd spend my entire evenings with her. She had the kids and Elsa around during the day to keep her company. And of course, Wanda stopped by daily to check on her. Natasha said all the right things, reassuring everyone that she was fine. But, it became painfully obvious that the situation was far from ideal.

I came home from training one night only to have Elsa stop me at the front door.

"Mr. Rogers, may I have a word with you about Ms. Natasha?"

I leaned back against the door and closed my eyes letting out a huge sigh. Every day I was hoping that Natasha would snap out of it; that she would open up and talk to me about what was going on. Instead, she walked around like she was Teflon like nothing could stick to her. I thought maybe if she wouldn't open up to me, she would talk to someone else.

"What happened?"

Elsa's eyes bugged out and she gestured behind her. "Look around, Steve."

I took in the living room and kitchen and then it was my turn for my eyes to bug out. The place was spotless. The kids and I weren't slobs by any means, but I had never seen the house this clean. Even the couch sparkled.

"The little ones and I came back from lunch and we found her cleaning up a storm. She was on her hands and knees, scrubbing and cleaning as her life depended on it."

I ran my hand over the back of my neck. "Elsa, Natasha cleans when she's nervous or upset. It just gives her something to do."

She sighed and looked at me with pity. "I get that, sir. But, her ribs are still healing. The doctor told her to take it easy. And," she bit her lip, cutting herself off before she could finish.

"Just spill it."

"You didn't see her eyes, sir. She looked manic. I know she's trying to be strong and act like nothing's wrong, but she's losing it. She needs help, sir."

I threw my hands up. "Alright, I don't need to hear any more. I'll talk to her."

"I'm worried about her," she said. "I'm worried about both of you."

She wasn't the only one.

I walked into my bedroom to find Natasha curled up on my bed reading a book with Tank laying at her feet. I longed for the days when I would enter a room and she'd jump up and throw herself into my arms. Instead, I got a sweet smile and a "Hey." It wasn't ideal, but I'd take whatever I could until she was ready for more.

"Hey," I said back. "So, Elsa tells me you were on one heck of a cleaning spree today."

"Oh my god," she said, throwing her book to the floor. "I was just trying to help."

"I know you were. But, you know you don't have to do that, right? I mean, Elsa does a great job cleaning the house, you didn't need to do that."

"I know that. But, the place could use some sprucing up, and I had the time, so I figured why not."

"Nat, honey, you're still recovering from your injuries. Your ribs haven't fully healed. The doctor told you to take it easy."

Her eyes narrowed and I couldn't help but think I'd pushed her too far. "So what, you don't think I can handle a little cleaning? It's no big deal. I'm fine. Besides, you have way too much to worry about with school and everything to worry about little old me and my cleaning habits."

"Honey, you're the only thing I worry about."

She got defensive right away. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine. And, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need someone to rescue me from household chores. Now, if you don't mind, I kind of want to finish this chapter before dinner."

She leaned back against the pillows with her book in hand. I saw her wince for the briefest of seconds when she fluffed the cushions behind her. Clearly, her cleaning marathon had taken a toll on her physically, but she refused to acknowledge it.

I admired her commitment to show strength, I really did. But, I knew she was barely holding it together inside. I wanted so badly for her to lean on me like she always used to. I never thought of her as weak. She was the strongest person I knew. But, nothing I said would convince her of that. She needed to feel it, believe it of herself.

"Nat, please talk to me. You can tell me anything. I'm here for you."

She smiled kindly and said, "I know, Steve." And then she went back to her book.

Over the next couple of weeks, Natasha found another outlet for her pain. Cooking. She pulled out various cookbooks and studied them like they were textbooks. I felt bad for her. If she wasn't cleaning, she was reading up on complicated and elaborate recipes and cooking up a storm.

For a whole week, I could relax at home and be with Natasha. She still had so much to work through. I didn't want to push her or pressure her. I was sure that she'd come back around in her own time. I just wanted to be there for her in case she needed me.

She had shown some signs of improvement. I heard her humming a few times when she was cooking.

I hoped that interacting with the kids would help her feel more comfortable. Under normal circumstances, Natasha would confide everything in me. But, in light of what had been done to her, maybe the fact that I was a guy was what was keeping her distance. We weren't sharing a bed and she shied away from any contact that I initiated. I had to walk on eggshells around her. But, every once in a while she would hug me or give me a peck on the cheek. It wasn't filled with the same passion she normally showed. But, the love was there. And that love would tide me over until I had my Natasha back.

The day started out okay. Natasha nearly put Elsa to shame with the amount of cooking she did. She just didn't interact much with anyone. She greeted everyone who said hello, but she quickly returned to her cooking.

The mood was somber until the kids started bickering over the remote control. It was something so normal. I egged them on because I thought a little light fun would help cheer everyone up. Cade ended up chasing Maria, remote control in hand, all around the house. Everyone was screaming and hollering, cheering them on.

The chase made it into the kitchen. Wanda and Elsa looked on with smiles on their faces. For the briefest of moments, we could forget about all the pain and just enjoy the simple things. Cade ran past Natasha who was checking the oven. Maria followed yelling at Cade. It was harmless fun, at least until Natasha started to lose it.

"Stop it!" She screamed. "You're going to ruin my soufflé!"

She opened the oven, looked inside and slapped her hand down hard on the countertop. "Damn it!"

She reached into the oven with her oven mitts and pulled out her dish. I wasn't sure exactly what a soufflé was, but the fact that the center of it looked flat and sunken in was probably not what she was going for. "It's ruined," she cried.

Cade and Maria stopped in their tracks the moment Natasha started yelling. Everyone was looking at her like she'd lost her mind. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Nat, honey it's okay. I'll help you make another one."

I placed my hand on her shoulder to reassure her. "Don't fucking touch me!" She screamed, with terror in her voice. She was so startled by my touch that she dropped the dish on the floor and fell back against the counter. I tried to reach for her again but she waved me off.

"God, Steve, you scared me. I didn't realize that was you. You sure know how to sneak up on people." She tried to shake it off with a laugh like she hadn't just freaked the fuck out that I touched her. She looked embarrassed, but none of that hid the pure fear I had seen in her eyes the second my hand made contact with her.

She got a towel and moved to clean up the mess, but Elsa knelt in front of her and took the towel, "Natasha, sweetheart, you need to stop. I'll clean it up."

Natasha gave Elsa the meanest glare and my heart nearly stopped.

"If you don't mind, Elsa, I'm really busy."

Elsa tried again. "Natasha, you've already done so much. You've cleaned this whole house from top to bottom and made dinner. You really don't need to do this."

"Well maybe I wouldn't need to if you did," Natasha snapped.

Elsa gasped in shock, "Natasha!"

Natasha stood up and threw her gloves to the floor. "What?" She glared at me. "I clean this damn house every day and I can't even get a fucking thank you? Instead, I get criticized and judged by my every move. So mature."

She brushed past Elsa and Wanda and stormed out of the kitchen.

What the fuck was that? Even on her worst days, she cared about people's feelings. She had completely gone nuts on Elsa or no reason. Her fuse was getting shorter and shorter. It was painfully clear that things weren't going to work themselves out. I had been trying to give Natasha time, but nothing was changing. If she kept this up, she was going to alienate everyone. And that's exactly what she didn't need.

I walked over to Elsa and brought her to my chest. It broke my heart to see that she was crying. "Steve," she said. "This can't go on anymore."

I ran my hand through my hair and nodded. "Don't worry, I know someone who can help."

Elsa nodded in agreement and I met Natasha in the bedroom. She whirled on me. "I can't believe what just happened!"

"I was about to say the same thing."

"I know, right? The way Elsa went off on me…"

"Nat, that's not what I meant. All this pent up anger isn't healthy. You keep cleaning and cooking like a maniac. But you're not really dealing with what happened. You need to talk to someone. And since you can't seem to talk to me, I think you need to talk to a professional."

"Oh, so now I'm crazy? God, I should've known you'd turn on me just like everyone else."

"No one is turning on you," I tried to reassure her. "We just want you to deal with how you're really feeling. You're burying it all so deep down inside, but it just keeps exploding out of you."

"God, what happened, Steve? I was molested and nearly raped by my psychotic ex-husband! I was beaten to a fucking pulp and nearly died! It happened. There's not a god damned thing I can do to change it. I'm dealing alright! I'm not gonna let anyone else walk all over me. Never again!"

"Baby, no one is trying to walk all over you. We all love you. You keep putting up this front like we're the enemy. We're not. You're snapping and yelling at the people who love you the most. This isn't you."

Natasha sat on the bed, her eyes cast down. "Yeah, well maybe I've changed."

I knelt on the floor in front of her. "We all grow and change based on our experiences, Nat. But deep down, we're always who we were. Something horrible was done to you and I hate that it's killed your spirit." I placed my hands on her knees and she jumped back at the touch. "You can't even bear the thought of me or anyone else touching you."

She scooted back on the bed. "God, Steve, just because I don't want to jump your bones every minute there must be something wrong with me? In light of what I've been through I can't believe how callous you're being."

I stood up and stepped back away from the bed knowing that she needed some physical space. She looked like a cornered animal and I hated that I was the one to make her feel that way. "Have I ever once pressured you or made you feel like I needed more from you physically?" I asked.

"Well, what if I never want to…what if I can't be with you that way again?"

There was that knife to the heart I was getting so used to feeling lately. "Natasha, I love you. No matter what. If you finally deal with things, and you decide that you can't be with me, then my broken heart will still love you until the day I die."

I turned to walk away. I felt like such a pussy but I was about to start balling like a little girl and I didn't think Natasha needed to see me like that.

"Steve?"

I paused at the door, my body frozen in place by the pain and longing I heard in her voice. My Nat was in there somewhere. But, I now knew that I'd never see her again unless Natasha really worked through her feelings instead of burying them under the stone wall she'd erected around her heart. I turned back around and met her eyes.

"Honey, sometimes being strong means knowing when to ask for help. We're all here for you. We all love you. We just want you to get better."

"Steve, I love you. That's never changed."

"I love you too, Nat."

"I…I wish I could be with you…like that." She looked at the bed longingly, almost desperately. "But, I just can't."

I swallowed hard. "As I said, I love you. None of that matters. All that matters is that you're happy, mentally and emotionally. I know you don't want to be weak. And I admire how brave you've been. But, you've got to let down some of those walls and really deal with everything."

I didn't wait to see her reaction I just told her good night and shut the door behind me. She stayed in my room for the rest of the night. I wasn't surprised. I hoped our talk would resonate with her. But even if it did, I wasn't expecting a complete transformation immediately. All I knew was that I was done being so passive about it. I wanted to give Natasha the time she needed to figure things out. But, it had already been a month, and in many ways, she was worse than when we first brought her home.

I wanted to beat Bruce all over again. That mother fucker got off way too easily. It was so hard to contain the rage I felt whenever I thought of what he did to Natasha. And to hear her be so blasé about what happened to her like she was reading off a grocery list, just killed me.

If talking didn't help Natasha work through her feelings, then I was going to take it to a physical level. Hell, the night she came home I had destroyed a freaking punching bag in my anger. Maybe Natasha needed a physical release too. I'd talk to her about it when she woke up. With that new plan in mind, I grabbed my blanket and pillow and made myself comfortable on the couch. 

I sighed and dialed a number in my phone that I knew who could possibly understand what Nat what was going through, "Hello?"

"Hey Mom, it's me."

* * *

"I just don't know what else to do, mom." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I love her so much, I can't lose her."

"These things take time, dear," Mom walked up to me and wiped the tears off my cheek, "I know this hasn't been easy on you either, my boy."

"It's my fault. I should have protected her from this, " More tears welled up in my eyes but I stubbornly wiped them away.

"It's not your fault," Mom whispered, "We can't control how other people feel, Steve."

"I'm sorry you have to meet her this way, " I joked, earning a laugh from her.

"Well, it was bound to happen eventually." Mom grabbed my hand and looked upstairs to where my bedroom resided. "Let the healing begin."

When we got there, Natasha sat on my bed, hugging her knees to her chest, tears streaming down her face. I moved to go to her, but Mom placed her hand on my chest to hold me back. She just shook her head and approached the bed slowly.

"You must be Natasha," My mom started off sweetly. "I'm Sarah Rogers, Steve's mother."

"Hi," Nat said weakly, managing a small smile, "It's so nice to meet you."

My mother smiled back before shaking her head slightly, "I know exactly what you're going through, Natasha."

"You do?"

Mom nodded her head, "Yes. I went through the same thing with Steve's father." Nat gave me a look and I nodded as an answer.

"And not a day goes by when I don't think about..." Mom closed her eyes, not wanting to really get into details. "I need you to know that what happened to you, wasn't your fault. You're a very strong woman and you're going through a lot. But it gets better because you're surrounded by a lot of people who love you, like my son. You're not alone, and I will make sure that you get through this sweetheart. I promise."

Mom climbed onto the bed with open arms and Natasha instantly threw herself into the loving embrace. Mom held Natasha to her chest, kissing the top of her head and smoothing her hair. And Natasha cried. She shook with sobs that wracked her body. The stone she had built around her heart was crumbling. The dam had broken and her tears flooded from her eyes. It was the most beautiful and most heartbreaking thing I'd ever seen. I fell to my knees, tears spilling down my own face.

I settled on the floor with my back against the bed. My head fell back against the mattress and I closed my eyes. Mom whispered soothing words to Natasha. But she let her cry. It was a private moment between them, but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I didn't want to leave Natasha when she was at her most vulnerable. And after a few minutes, I felt a gentle tug on my hair. I turned around to find Natasha's tear-stained eyes seeking mine. She clung to my mother with one arm but reached for me with the other. I clasped her tiny hand in mine and she responded with a gentle squeeze.

I don't know how long the three of us sat there. All I knew was that for the first time in a month, I finally had hope.

* * *

Natasha's POV

"Nat!" That voice. That voice was always thereafter one of my dreams. It was a voice like warm honey; soothing to its core.

"Nat, wake up. You're safe. I'm here."

I sat up in bed and took in my surroundings. I was in Steve's bed. In fact, he was on the floor watching me with nervous eyes, my hand clasped in his. And that's when it all came back to me.

Steve's mother had come. And by the voices in the kitchen, I could tell that she was still here. I had felt so lost for so long, and yet, one look from at a woman I barely knew and I had fallen apart like a child. And then there was that nightmare, the same one that had been haunting me since my attack.

Steve was right. I hadn't been dealing with my feelings. I'd been burying them, only I hadn't been doing that great of a job.

"Steve?" He squeezed my hand in his. "I need help."

He let out a tearful laugh and kissed my hand. And I didn't flinch for a second at his touch. "Yeah, Nat," he said. "Anything you need."

"Will you hold me?" I asked timidly. After the way I'd been acting, I wouldn't blame him for refusing. Instead, I was rewarded with his mile-wide smile that always set my heart racing.

"Of course." And with that, he climbed up onto the bed next to me and wrapped me in his strong arms. And I was home again.

There was no quick fix to healing. It was a process and it took time. But Steve had given me the biggest gift in the form of his mother. He seemed to know that there were some wounds that only a mother could heal. And as usual, he was right. One look into his mother's warm, loving eyes and I was a kid again, crying in the park over a skinned knee. It was strange that she would have that effect on me. But I'm glad she did, it made a little stronger.

I had it stuck in my head that the only way to be strong was to keep everyone at arm's length and pour all my energy into mindless activities like cooking and cleaning. I didn't want to wallow in my pain. I didn't want to put the people I loved through that again, like my son and Steve. So, I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and walked around acting like I wasn't affected; like I didn't have nightly dreams about the monster who tried to rape me.

I tried making amends with Elsa, but she graciously waved off all attempts. She told me she loved me and that she understood. That was the problem though; I didn't fully understand what was going on with me. I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling. Everyone wanted me to get help. And I finally agreed with them.

I went to my first counseling session that following Monday. Sadly, I wasn't the only person who was ever kidnapped and molested and I was glad I had finally realized that I needed someone to help me navigate the dark waters of my recover; someone that wouldn't judge and someone who could handle it if I lashed out inappropriately.

I soon concentrated all my efforts on my therapy and in fixing my relationship with Steve. I hated the way I had treated him. Sure, none of it was intentional, but that fact didn't make me feel any better. There I was, wallowing in my own pain and shutting him out when he was dealing with some serious issues of his own.

So, when I wasn't talking to my therapist, I was talking to Steve. We took long walks on the beach and we talked about everything. I was able to fill him in on my progress and really talk out what I had been going through. He understood when I told him how violated and dirty I felt after what happened with Bruce. I still wasn't comfortable with the idea of physical intimacy. But, Steve now knew exactly where I was coming from and he promised that we would work through it together.

I just hated that all the crap I was going through had affected Steve the way it did. It was yet another thing to hate Bruce for.

I had a lot of anger to work through. I hated that I was found and kidnapped in the first place. I had felt so weak and helpless and it wasn't the first time he had made me feel like this.

My doctor helped me see that there were some things I couldn't change, but that it was how I reacted to those things that mattered. She suggested several ways for me to channel that anger and rage, one of those being physical activity. When I mentioned that to Steve, his eyes lit up.

Steve picked me up from my session the next day and I could tell something was up. He looked really excited about something, but when I asked what it was he just said, "You'll see." I liked that he was so pleased with himself. Normally I would've been dying of curiosity. But, I was in no mood to press the issue. I had a particularly draining therapy session and I wasn't exactly in a playful mood.

When we got in the house, I was headed towards the living room only to have Steve stop me and steer me towards upstairs.

"Steve, what are you doing?"

"I want to show you something."

I sighed. I was so emotionally drained. "Can't it wait?"

He shook his head. "You'll love it. I promise."

I couldn't resist his eager expression. So I followed him into the room down the hall that I had never been to before.

I couldn't help but be amazed at it. In the middle of the room, hanging from a sturdy chain in the ceiling was a large punching bag. There was also a weight bench and treadmill resting against the far wall and on it were a couple of pairs of sparring gloves.

"What's this?" I asked, amazed by the transformation.

Steve's smile was huge. He grabbed the smaller gloves, which also happened to be neon pink, and started to help me into them. He gestured around the room, "This is for you," he said. "Your doc said you should channel some of your anger into physical activity. So, I figured we could kill two birds with one stone. You can work off some of that rage while I train you in self-defense. What do you say?"

What do I say, I thought. I wanted to cry. Steve was always thinking of others, me especially. He knew I needed something, and he went the extra mile to make it happen. I willed the happy tears away and raised my gloved fists.

"Let's do this."

Steve was a great trainer. Steve was relentless. He pushed me beyond my physical limits. When my arms felt like lead weights, he coaxed me into throwing a few more punches. Some days I worked so hard I literally ended up in tears. I'd sit there sweating from every pore and cry my eyes out while Steve held me and rubbed my back soothingly. Half the time I didn't even know what I was crying about. After I'd cry myself out, we'd go downstairs, get cleaned up and Steve and Elsa would make dinner for us. I always felt so happy and refreshed after days like that.

The physical training increased when my therapy sessions got more intense. I felt physically stronger which meant that Steve pushed me that much harder. We progressed from sparring to grappling. I loved how empowered these sessions made me feel and I asked Steve not to pull any punches, so to speak. He was happy to oblige.

One day, I had a particularly hard therapy session and I really wanted to lay into Steve. He was more than willing to go toe to toe with me, especially since he knew how good I felt when we were done.

I got in a good hit and he taunted me, "Is that all you got, Nat?"

He was pissing me off on purpose, but I refused to lose focus. I landed a hard kick to his leg, but he just shook it off.

"Come on honey, Maria kicks harder than that!"

That's it, I thought. I charged him feinting first left then right and landed two hard punches to his stomach. I then hooked my leg around his and yanked with all of might. He was surprised. That's the only reason he lost his balance. I punched him in his chest once more and he fell on the floor.

I landed on top of him in an uncoordinated tangled mess. I was breathless and sweaty. But, he looked up into my eyes with so much love and admiration that he nearly melted my heart.

"That was so badass," he said, smiling wide. I smiled in return, proud of myself for not giving up.

His warm hand caressed my cheek. His eyes focused on my lips. I could feel his hardness beneath me. He leaned forward. Our lips were an inch apart. All I had to do was meet him halfway and we'd be kissing.

Steve cleared his throat and quickly averted his eyes. "I'll um…where were we."

I couldn't believe it. Steve was actually blushing. He started to walk away. "Steve!" I called out to him and he stopped in his tracks. We hadn't been intimate since my encounter with Bruce. At first, I had felt too damaged to even feel desire. In the past few weeks, we had kissed here and there and shared warm embraces. We shared the same bed, but all he did was hold me. It was nice. Slowly but surely, I had been feeling my desire for him growing. Our intense sparring sessions probably helped a lot with that.

He couldn't hide the fact that he wanted me. But he was respecting the boundaries I had subconsciously erected and he didn't want to be the one to cross them, at least not unless he was invited.

"Steve, come here."

He watched me a moment before complying. When he was inches from me he ran his hand nervously through his hair. "Sorry about that, Nat."

I shook my head. "Nothing to apologize for." I grabbed his hand and said, "Touch me."

His eyes widened. When he still didn't make a move I stepped into him, pulled him down for a kiss and placed his hand on my breast. He groaned and I shivered. He tried to pull his hand away, but I held him in place.

"I want you," I whispered. And it wasn't until that moment that I realized just how much I missed the intimate part of our relationship. For a while, I had thought I was damaged beyond repair. But I wasn't. And it was because of him.

The last time I had been touched this way was by a maniacal, evil bastard. I didn't want the taint of his touch on my skin anymore. I wanted to feel the warmth of Steve's touch and remember that lust could also be a beautiful thing.

I pulled Steve's head down and kissed him again. This time I slipped my tongue past his lips and he groaned, pulling me close in acquiescence. He kissed me with all the pent up passion he'd been holding back for weeks. His hands roamed my body freely and I melted into his embrace.

I ended up in his arms, pinned against the wall. Steve settled between my legs, his weight supported on his forearms which framed my face. He smiled sheepishly. "I never wanted to pressure you," he said.

"You didn't. I want you, Steve. I need you."

"That's all I needed to hear."

We made love that day for the first time in months. It felt like I had finally reclaimed all of myself. I felt whole. I was loved. And most importantly, I was alive and ready to face whatever the future would hold for us.


	11. X.

_Steve's POV_  
_"Sometimes in life, we need a few bad days in order to keep the good ones in perspective."_  
_— Colleen Hoover_

* * *

_**X|REVITALIZED** _

"Steve, where is my bra?" Natasha huffed as she got out of bed and tried to cover up.

"Why?" I smirked at her and rested on my elbow.

"Because I need to get ready for work." She flew around the room, "If you make me late, I swear I'll tell my boss what you did to me."

"Oh, you're going to tell your boss that I fucked you six ways from Sunday?"

"You're such a guy," she chuckled, clutching onto the bed sheets tightly and leaned in to kiss me chastely.

"Are you feeling any better?" I asked, pulling back. Nat has had the stomach flu for the past week, throwing up in the morning. She would easily wave it off like it was nothing but I was starting to get concerned.

"I'm fine, it's just a little bug."

"Well, before you leave, I have a gift for you." I chuckled in a whisper.

"Why are you grinning? What's going on?"

"You'll see." I basically lifted her up and placed her against the headboard so that she wouldn't be tempted to get back under the covers, "Stay there." I said pointedly before getting out of bed.

I kept a close eye on her as I went to one of the suitcases that I had yet to unpack and told Natasha not to either. This was the gift bag and hers was at the very bottom, hidden from prying eyes. She watched me dubiously as I walked back and got in bed next to her.. 

"I don't want it." She huffed like a petulant child as I placed that small rectangular box on her thigh.

"And why not?" I smirked. I knew I was going to have to fight her. I always did but there were some things I wasn't budging on. I could be stubborn as hell if I wanted to. It was a family trait and since Natasha was going to join the family one day, it would only make sense that she would have it as well.

"The box looks like it contains a certain piece of jewelry that I told you was off limits in our relationship." She picked up the gift-wrapped box and inspected it closely, "What is it?"

"It's a gift and I can't tell you what it is." I was trying not to laugh at her but I couldn't help it. She was acting like I was giving her a bomb.

"Do I have to?" She asked quietly.

"Yes and if you don't, I'll just buy you something bigger and more extravagant."

This whole situation was incredibly funny because the truth was, I didn't spend one cent on her gift. I was going to tell her that straight off but she got so defensive and it was too funny to watch.

She lightly peeled off the wrapping, muttering something about how I never listen to her and what she was going to do to me if the gift was expensive. I just rolled my eyes.

"Tiffanys? Really, Steve?" She held up the light blue box after the unwrapping was done. Her face filled with anger, tension, worry, more anger, and a little hint of apprehension.

I shrugged and put on my best puppy-dog face, "I couldn't help it."

"I'm putting you in shopaholic rehab along with Wanda. This isn't right." She shook her head as she lifted off the top portion of the small box.

Inside was a standard, small, black velvet box and we all knew what it held.

"Steve..." She sighed but I interrupted her.

"I'm not proposing. Not yet at least" I took the black box from her hands and opened it.

The first thing you noticed was the gigantic sapphire that was sitting on the white gold band, surrounded by a ring of small, perfectly cut diamonds.

She covered her mouth when she saw it but I still heard an 'It's beautiful'.

"I didn't spend any money on it. This was my mother's. She gave it to me a couple of days ago and she said that I had to put this ring on your finger because it was meant for you." I took her hand from her mouth and pulled the ring out of the box.

"This was Sarah's?" She asked in a whisper and I nodded.

"From her grandmother. It was the only piece of jewelry she owned. I know this is going to sound so high school and you're going to think that I haven't gone through puberty yet but its a promise ring."I said unashamedly, "I know we have some stuff to settle first but I wanted you to know that I'm in this for the long haul Natasha, nothing is going to change that."

She had unshed tears in her green eyes and I could practically see the gears in her head working, trying to figure out the situation.

Natasha, always the thinker.

"I wanted you to know that engagement and marriage is on the horizon." I uncurled her fingers of her right hand, instead of the left and gently slid the ring on her ring finger, "I will marry you one day Natasha and this just lets you know that."

She was at a loss of what to say when I let her hand go after placing a kiss on her knuckles. I waited for a couple of minutes for anything, something.

"I love you, Steve." She finally uttered and wrapped her arms around my neck, rolling us over so that she was on top of my body, "I love you so much it hurts and I love this gift."

"Really?" I was kind of astonished that I didn't have to convince her, "You'll wear it?"

"Nothing would make me happier." She sadly smiled.

"I love you, Natasha. I never thought I'd say that to another woman but I do and I can't live my life without you." I sat us up so that I could see her better. Her legs were on either side of mine and I wiped the small amount of moisture from the corner of her eyes.

"Thank you." She said when she pulled herself together, "I never thought I would find love." She whispered.

"You never thought it was an option for you?"

"I thought I did love but...no one besides Cade or my family has ever entered my heart as you have."

"I can't have a life without you and when I see the future, I see you. Ten years down the road, if you want a big house, a white picket fence, more dogs, more kids, whatever, just as long as you're with me." I said truthfully.

I felt her stiffen the slightest bit on my lap and she dropped her head, suddenly occupied with the ring on her finger that she was twirling around.

What was that about?

"This is a really beautiful...promise ring." She laughed, "I feel so weird saying that."

"We can call it an engagement ring," I suggested, optimistically hopeful.

She smiled to herself but tried to cover it up, "I like the sound of that." She looked at me with penetrating eyes. She took the ring off of her right hand and placed on the fourth finger on her left.

"Really?" I was about to jump up and down on the bed, "We don't have to do this now. I can wait if you need me to wait." I was blabbering now because I didn't want to give her a chance to say 'no'.

She silenced me with her lips, which were on mine surely yet ghostly soft, "Just seeing it there made me change my mind. I can't...not be yours and I want this so badly." She whispered.

I jumped off the bed, pulling her with me and stood her up against the window. I dropped to one knee and held her hands in mine.

"Natasha Romanoff, I know that I'm doing this wrong and it might not be traditional but I have to take it where I can with you." I snickered, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, from now until the end of forever and I can't see my future with anyone else. You have given me so much in these past few months and I truly love you for it. And you will never find a man or woman who will love the way I do."

She sniffled but didn't shed a tear, clinging on the sheets to make sure it covered her naked torso.

"You're a mother to my children, a saint among devils and have finally given me something to live for. I promise to never lie to you, never be unfaithful to you and always treat you like a queen. Will you marry me?"

She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, collecting herself and uttered a crackled, "Yes."

I hugged her around her stomach and she ran her fingers through my hair. I could finally feel the wetness from her tears as they dropped from above me and she made no move to stop them. I held her so close that I could almost feel her ribs breaking under my grasp and I wasn't ever going to let her go.

"I love you so much." She muttered through tears, "Thank you for treating me and Cade so well."

"I won't ever lay a hand on you." I vowed and she gripped my hair tighter, "I can't promise that we won't have fights but I won't ever stop loving you."

She crumpled on the floor next to me and took my face in her hands, kissing me fiercely. Our lips moved together like a wet, fiery tango that was filled with passion, raw sexuality but so much love that I thought my heart was going to burst. Our mouths opened at the same time, letting our tongues begin their own dance.

I was claiming her, I was loving her, I was feeling her, I was wanting her and I was showing her how much she meant to me with my kiss.

I didn't know how much time had passed but we were interrupted when I heard a shuffle from the door and small bell-like laughter.

"There we go again, kissing in front of the kids," I said as our kisses slowed to pecks but I sure as hell didn't want to stop for anything.

"I really do think that they should start seeing a therapist with all that we've exposed them to. We're being completely inappropriate." Natasha giggled.

"We can't help it." I couldn't keep the smile off of my face, "You really want to marry me?" We were both still on the floor but it felt like a cloud.

"More than anything." She nodded, "Let's just finish things first."

"Of course." I kissed her again, "And I'll get you a new ring."

"No, I like this one."She said quickly, "It's a little much but its ok. I like that it's not a quote-on-quote engagement ring and it means something. Please, let me keep this one." She pleaded.

"Ok, anything you want." I kissed her again. I couldn't help myself, "Now, I think we have children to entertain."

After getting dressed, I took her hand, feeling my ring on her finger as we walked into the family room where we saw three bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, inquisitive-looking children who were trying to be as innocent as possible.

"How much did you see?" I asked as I pulled Natasha to the other couch, giving each of the kids a kiss on the top of their heads.

"Nothing. What are you talking about?" Leah answered for the group, "We were asleep the whole time."

Cade and Maria were looking at their laps and meddling with their thumbs. It was obvious that Leah was playing the role of big sister and demanded their silence. They wouldn't even look at us but I could hear their quiet giggles under their breaths.

I didn't really know what to say.

I had always planned on talking to the kids before I made any leap at marriage but this morning, I was so overtaken with emotion that I couldn't stop myself. Plus, Natasha said it was ok so I stupidly forgot that there were more people involved in this than just the two of us.

Suddenly, Maria leaped off the couch, running right into Natasha's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"Does this mean I can call you 'mom'?" She asked and my heart did a weird flippy thing.

"Is that what you want?" Natasha asked and I gave her a slight nod over his shoulder.

"Yes. I want a mom like everyone else. If you and dad are getting married then I can call you mom. Can I call you 'mom'?" She repeated with vigor, waiting for a reply.

"Of course. I would love that." She hugged him tighter and held out her arms when Leah came over and the three of them were one piled mass of limbs.

I had a huge smile on my face at the sight and almost forgot that there was another child that I needed to take care of. Cade was sitting with his hands crossed, head down, not saying anything. His bottom lip was pouted slightly and for a five-year-old, he looked extremely old.

"Cade, why don't we go talk in the bedroom," I suggested and got up. Natasha shot a weary look from Cade to me but I silently told her it would be ok. She nodded and I followed Cade, whose head was still bowed, into our bedroom.

I closed the door so that we would have some privacy.

"I bet you have a lot of questions." I sat on the bed and helped him climb up. We both moved against the headboard, legs crossed at the ankles and hands in the exact same position. I quietly chuckled at our body language.

He shook his head in small motions and his lip pouted further.

"You can talk to me you know." I let out a deep breath, "Are you mad at me? I meant to talk to you first about all of this. I never meant for you to see any of that."

"I'm not mad. I love you." He shrugged with his simple answer but the words warmed my heart so much that I thought it might burst, "So it doesn't make me mad if you want to marry mom."

"I love you too, kiddo. Very much."

"Will my dad be mad at me? I think he might be mad at me if he knew that I love you."

I sighed lightly, "Cade, I'm not going to promise that I know everything going on in your dad's head so I can't answer that."

"I want to have a dad." He played with his thumb, "I want you to be my dad." He looked at me with the same eyes as Natasha. They were slightly darker but still big and expression filled.

"I like to hear that. Do you think that you would want to stay with your dad...you real dad?" I had to ask just to know how the next few weeks were going to play out.

He shook his head more furiously and his eyes glazed over with tears, "I can't. I love him too but he yells so much. I don't want to go back. I like it with you and Maria and even Leah. I don't want to..."

I pulled him to me because he was starting to panic, "I won't send you back to him. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you're safe. I love you Cade and I want you to be my son...in every way possible."

He wrapped his arms tighter around my body and I felt my shirt stain with wet tears, "He's going to be mad at me. I know my mom won't leave me for Maria and Leah because she loves them too but what do I call you? I don't want anyone to be mad at me." His lip began to quiver, an indication that he was going to start crying harder.

"What do you want to call me?"

"I want you to be my dad. You're a lot nicer than..." He slapped his hand over his mouth like he was speaking blasphemously, "I didn't mean to say that. Please don't tell anyone." He pleaded.

It made me sick at how scared Bruce was making his only son and they hadn't even seen each other since Thanksgiving. It wasn't right and I was going to keep my promises to my new son. I was never going to let Bruce strike fear into Cade again.

"You can call me whatever you want. Please don't be scared to love me." I ran my hand up and down his back. He shrunk into me.

"Dad." He said to himself, "I have a dad again." I could feel the smile of his lips against my chest and couldn't help my own but it soon faded when I realized that a lot depended on Cade's parental rights.

It was all legal with him and I hated to think that my son was a poker chip, passed between hands whenever needed. I wouldn't allow it any longer.

"I won't ever let him scare you again," I promised.

"He doesn't scare me that much but he's just not nice. Other dads are nice. My friend's dads are nice. My dad used to be nice but then he stopped when we moved with you. Why did he stop?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. I didn't want to bash Bruce so I determined that silence was the best resource I had.

"Mama says that he loves me but he never calls me and...I know he hit her. Dads aren't supposed to be like that. You're my dad now." He said finally.

It amazed me at how smart this boy was. He had the thoughts of a mature person but the naivety of a child.

"I love you, Cade," I whispered to calm him.

"I love you too...Dad."

Cade and I went back into the family room where we saw everyone else sorting our gifts. Natasha engulfed us both in a massive hug with her tiny arms I quietly told her that we were ok. Cade was smiling again and the kids were bouncing around the room talking about who was going to carry the ring, where the wedding was going to be, how many people should be there and so on.

"Ok, why don't we all calm down for a second," I suggested and we sat on the floor near our gifts.

"I think we should keep this quiet for as long as possible," Natasha whispered to me and I nodded.

"We aren't going to talk about this with anyone right?" I asked the kids and they nodded, "No one and I mean it. Natasha and I will tell people when we're ready. That includes the family..."

"Especially Aunt Wanda." Natasha pointed out.

"It's very hard for us to have anything to ourselves so we want to keep the engagement between Natasha and I as quiet as possible. Does everyone understand?"

Maria raised her hand.

"Yes." I nodded at her.

"You keep calling her Natasha. It's 'mom' now." He corrected me.

I smiled, "I'm sorry. Your mom and I would like to keep this quiet until we're ready to tell people."

I noticed Natasha slip the ring off of her finger and I didn't like that at all but I would talk with her about that later.

"Can we tell Grandma Sarah?" Cade asked.

"No, she's almost as bad as Wanda. Just let us figure out when we want to tell people." I replied.

I knew that we couldn't keep secrets forever but the more people who knew, the more chances there were to ruin this moment for us. As of now, only the five of us were in on our little secret and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. We needed to keep this on the down low for now. Then, I would shout it from the rooftops.

After we talked some more about what it meant to be engaged and what was going to happen over the next few months with our little family, our celebration began.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I picked up.

"Hello?"

"Turn the TV to channel 49, now." My mother's voice ranged from the other side of the phone.

"Why?"

"Don't question me, boy, do it."

"Ok?" I sat up straighter, grabbing the remote from the coffee table.

It wasn't anything special. Rumlow was pretty much running his mouth like he usually does. Things like this usually fly pass me, meaning I don't entertain foolishness and that's exactly what it was foolishness. If the bastard was really trying to get under my skin, he would have to do a lot better than that. This was pathetic.

"I'm challenging Steve Rogers for the Heavyweight title. If he's any kind of man, he would..." The TV went blank before he could say any more.

Natasha looked at me and clasped her hands onto mines, "Fuck that guy, nothing's going to ruin our day."

I smiled and pressed a small kiss on her forehead, "Right."

"Sir," Elsa started. "There's someone at the door."

And then the knocking started, and he was persistent. He kept on knocking and knocking and it was faint but it was annoying because it was all I heard in the silent house.

I let go of Natasha slowly and walked to the front door with Zeus and Tank following my trail.

There was a man.

He was thin and shorter than me by a few inches and he stared at me in surprise, his face gaunt. He looked older, in his late sixties perhaps, and not at all healthy. He looked like he hadn't shaved in a week, and there were shadows under his eyes. His clothes were worn out, and there was one single suitcase in his hand. His hair was grey and curly, surprisingly thick through his hairline was receding.

I stared at him, and he stared back.

His wide, blue eyes penetrated my own and I just couldn't look away. They stood out against his gaunt face, intensifying the confusion and sadness in their depths. It was something familiar about him, I couldn't put my finger on it.

Filling me was a kind of panic, creeping up my spine and filling up my chest. There was also the shock, disabling me and making me unable to move or speak.

This man could not be who I thought he was. He just couldn't.

I didn't even know him, but I felt like I did.

I wasn't even sure if I was correct in my assumption about who he was, but I just knew it in my gut.

And his eyes were all the evidence I needed.

I was the first to speak since he was still finding it hard to form words.

"Can I help you?" I asked him.

"Uh yes, I'm looking for a man," he said. His voice was gruff like he didn't use it often. I wasn't expecting such a voice to come from someone who looked like he'd crumble if you so much as put a finger on him.

The panic in my chest dispersed slightly as I came back to my senses, but my heart continued to pound because I was still worried about my assumption.

I narrowed my eyes. "OK, and you are?" I countered.

He searched my face before answering. "Joseph..." He trailed off, watching me for a reaction.

No... no, no fucking way. It couldn't be.

"Joseph... what?" I hedged. I had one hand tightened on the doorknob and the other held on to the door frame.

I was blocking his way, half intentionally and a half without realizing it.

"Rogers," he murmured eyes boring into mine.

Fuck.

He was my father.

"It's so good to see you, after all these years."

I could barely get a word out before I felt Maria squeeze herself through my legs, "Who's at the door daddy?"

Joseph's eyes widened and he looked at her with wonder, "Well, hello there. What's your name?"

Before Maria could respond, I turned her over hastily and shoved her lightly back in the living room. "Go sit down with Nat, okay honey? I'll be back in a second."

"Is Wanda in there too," he asked, his curious gaze looking over my shoulder for any glimpse of the inside.

I slammed the door behind me and eyed him ruthlessly, feeling my blood run cold.

He stared at his feet, shuffling them slightly. "So...uh...how's your mother?"

I took a deep breath, slightly surprised that it was shaky. Come to think of it, I was a bit shaken up by this. It hadn't really sunk in that my father, the man that abandoned me and my sister, who abused my mother, was here at my doorstep. It was so fucking hard to believe.

I also knew that I had to deal with this somehow.

"Get out of here," I said quietly. "Now."

He blinked once, trying to hide any emotion, but I could quite clearly see the pain in his eyes.

"Please," he said, voice raspy. "I just need... to explain."

I started to feel the anger rising up inside of me. I didn't like this man for what he did to my mother, for how he left her so hurt that she nearly killed herself. It was his fault entirely.

I suddenly saw red.

My fist connected with his jaw instantly and I wasn't going to stop there.

I stomped, I punched, kicked, yelled. Anything to pretty much to get my anger out, and it still wasn't enough. Years of pain, anguish, and heartbreak were unleashing on this poor excuse of a man and I nearly felt sorry for him.

"Oh my god, Steve!" I heard Natasha's voice from behind me and in a flash, she was trying to restrain me while Elsa was keeping Joseph far away from her me.

"Leave, now."

I stared him down and he was looking away, a hand on his chest. He still looked absolutely bewildered, like he couldn't believe what was happening. Frankly, neither could I.

"Steve, I-" he began again but I wasn't having any of it.

"Get the fuck out of here! Don't come near me or my family ever again!" I screamed at him, and he took a step back immediately.

"Steve...please."

"Sir, it will be best if you'd leave," Natasha said, still holding me back.

"I... I can't even look at him anymore." I shook my head in disgust.

Joseph was rubbing his jaw with a look of pain on his face, and I walked away before I could completely lose it on him.

As soon as I made it to my bedroom, I turned and punched the first thing in reach, which happened to be a window. It didn't break, but a crack ran up the pane, splintering off in different directions. I felt a slight throbbing pain in my knuckles.

The fucking nerve of that guy.

When that bastard left, it changed everything. It made my mother a target for hurt, and I could never forget the shit he put her through even before he left.

I had trained myself to think that he was dead. All those nights of my mother crying had made me stronger but it also made me more vulnerable. Just when I was starting to accept the fact that he didn't want us, that he was off living his lives how he always wanted, that I'd be okay becoming a better man than he ever was... he decides to walk back in on our lives.

It took me years to finally come to terms with the fact that he left, and accept it and grow from it. I allowed myself to build up a barrier in front of his memories, so that thinking about him wouldn't hurt me anymore. I allowed myself to believe that it was for the best, that this was life and that shit happens. But my mother, she was a wreck. She turned to coke, drinks, anything to take the edge off. And that's what will make me forever hate that man, the pain he put her through. Soon, my mother realized she didn't need my father anymore, because she had learned that he wasn't the only person capable of loving her.

No one would ever love her more than Wanda and I.

Those protective walls that I had built to protect myself from the pain had come crumbling down the second I saw him, all of the pain crashing into me and rendering me physically unable to stand up.

I hate him and I always will.

I didn't have time to dwell on my anger. I pulled on anything I could find, not caring if it stunk or if it was dirty. I was moving too quickly to care.

I pulled out my phone and called Roman's number. Three times I called, and he didn't pick up—typical.

I snapped back to reality and dashed for the door. Elsa was there to block my path.

"Not the time, Elsa." I was so angry that my hands were shaking.

"You're not thinking clearly, sir. You need to calm down."

"Move," I snarled. "Now!"

"You could get someone hurt. We both know we've been down this road before. You can't do that again. You need to stay here to think rationally."

I easily brushed past her and opened the door, "Tell Nat I'll be back in a bit."

* * *

"Roman, open up. I need to talk to you." I practically yelled outside.

"Give me a second, alright?" Roman shouted back.

I pushed past him when he opened the door, and he could tell that I was worried about something. I rarely showed signs of agitation or stress, so this was a little perplexing.

"What's wrong, kid?" He asked.

"We need to take this fight, shut this fucker up." I went to his liquor cabinet that had just been restocked and pulled out a large bottle of scotch.

"Should I be worried?" He said seriously, eying the scotch in my hands. I sighed and set the bottle aside, getting water instead.

"I'm fine," I clipped and downed my drink before pouring another one.

"What's going on?" He said skeptically, "You don't look too good."

"I said I'm fine, but we need to get the drop on this bastard Rumlow."

It took me a second to digest his words. "You haven't been drinking again have you, kid? I thought you were done with that."

"No… what? I've been sober for years. I just think I'm ready to take on Rumlow. I thought you'd understand."

"Steve, listen to me, this is serious. You just got back in the game, you need more time."

I blinked a couple of times, trying to understand what the hell he was talking about. "What are you saying?"

"I just think you need more training." Roman sighed. "He's no pushover."

"What the hell does that mean?" I realized that I was shouting at this point, but I didn't care.

"It means that you're not thinking clearly and I'm not always gonna be around to help you."

"Help me?! Where you there to help me when Peggy died, or when I had my drinking problem?!" I was seething. "I'm the one who gives you half the cut of the checks of my fight! I'm the reason your daughters can go to the top universities in the state! No one, else me!"

Roman remained silent, but gave me a look of sympathy, "I know that kid, I know all of that. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you around that time of your life, but I'm here now and that's why I'm telling you to wait."

"Why? I'm ready."

"No, you're not!" Roman got up from the couch, "You never think these things through! Why can't you just listen to me for once? You need time, this guy's dangerous and unpredictable."

"So am I!" I looked at him and his face became marred with a hint of guilt.

A sudden realization hit me like a ton of bricks, "You don't think I can beat him."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to, I can see it in your eyes," I argued, my heart starting to thunder in my chest.

"Kid..."

"Look," I interrupted him. "I'm taking this fight with or without you."

His eyes were a little hurt but he nodded curtly and placed a shaking hand on my shoulder, "It's gonna have to be without."

It took a moment for me to let it sink in, and it was at that moment that I felt the worst betrayal in my entire life.

"Fine, I'll do it myself," I shoved his hand off my shoulders roughly and walked out the door, not looking back at my old friend.


	12. XI.

_Natasha's POV_  
_"Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it."_  
_— Veronica Roth_

* * *

_**XI|CONTROL** _

"Wow," Sarah breathed without moving. "Are you going to tell him?"

Ten pregnancy tests were lined up on the counter all with some form of "positive". There were two lines, pink dots, plus symbols, and even the word 'pregnant' on one of them. There was no denying it.

I was going to have a baby.

I sighed hastily and shoved the pregnancy test in my purse, covering my face in my hands.

"Of course I'm going to tell him. But please don't say anything. He has to be the first, and it's a lot to process."

"Of course, you have my word sweetheart."

"Thank you. Just give me a couple of days. It's been a rough couple of months."

Sarah set her coffee on the counter and stood up. "How are you doing?"

"I'm… okay, I guess. I haven't really thought about it." I hung my head and watched the toe of my pump mess with the carpet.

"No bad thoughts going through your head? No regrets?"

I shook my head.

"Do you want the baby?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded. "It's not the right time, but I really do. I think I do, at least."

"Well, it's about time. Sheesh. I've been waiting for my boy to pump one into you. I was even going to start replacing your birth control with Tic-Tacs."

"Don't even joke about that," I laughed. "I'm going to need you when I tell him."

"How is he?"

I sighed deeply, "He's different. It's like there this wall that wasn't up there before. Like nothing else matters to him anymore, including me. And that's...new."

"Yeah, I know all about that wall." She shook her head lightly. "I hope he's not going back to that dark place in his life."

"After Peggy died?"

Sarah looked up and there was a look in her eyes that showed pure grit, "Even darker."

I leaned in, kind of intrigued.

"Steve wasn't always...proper. High school was sort of a new experience for him. He did things, unspeakable things that may change at how you look at him."

Sarah saw my discomfort and she placed her hands over mine, "He would never hurt you or your son, but he will be cold and distant. You have to be prepared."

"I don't know if I can."

"If Margaret could do it, so can you."

Interesting...

"But, you know I'll be here for you sweetheart. Congratulations, my darling." She hugged me softly and then bent down to speak to my stomach. "He's gonna be a strong one."

I smiled even wider. "You think it's going to be a boy?"

Sarah looked up and smiled back, "Oh I know."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, my baby boy is here!" Sarah jumped up and walked hastily to the front door.

As soon she opens the door, she peppers Steve's face with small kisses."Aw, come on Ma. Knock it off."

"Are you embarrassed by me now, Steven?" She leaned back and quirked a playful brow at him.

Steve rolled his eyes and kissed his mother on the cheek, "Never." I smiled at his sweetness.

I walked over to him and he immediately pulled me to his arms for a quick kiss, "Hey beautiful."

"Hey yourself."

"We gotta get going, I only have a few hours before I have to go to the Staples."

"What time do we have to be there?"

" _I_  have to be there at seven."

" _We_  will be there at seven."

"I don't want you there, Nat."

"I need to be there. Don't you want me cheering you on in the front row?" I was trying to interject any kind of humor I could into this very unfunny conversation.

"I don't want you there. You know why I don't want you there. I don't want you to see that happening. I know if it were you, I couldn't do it."

"Well it's not me, it's you, and I have to be there. I have to see what happens. I'm going whether you like it or not."

He sighed and nodded his head, still looking intently at me. I nodded, mostly to myself for the small victory I had achieved. He wasn't going to get rid of me that easily. I was going to be at that match if I had to run there. Wherever there is…

"Why are you so worried about this fight? You seem to think something bad is going to happen." Sarah asked her son.

His face froze into a blank mask for a moment and he smoothly slid his hand over mines.

"Rumlow is an intense fighter. He has a lot of drive and he is going to be tough to beat."

"Is that why Roman wouldn't..."

"I could care less of what that old bastard wants."

Sarah gave him a look that even gave me chills. He huffed a little and gripped the counter edge to lean himself back, "Sorry, Ma."

I cleared my throat and held onto Steve's hand, "So what do you need to do before the fight?"

"Well, when I'm home, I usually go for a walk then I head over to the arena and warm up for about two hours, then spend an hour just relaxing before the actual fight."

"Okay, well I don't want to get in the way of your warm-up stuff, so I'll just hang out here I guess and read or clean."

He looked at me for a moment, like he was trying to see something in my eyes or face. I blinked and he looked away.

"Would you want to come on my walk with me? I walk up to Grand Park and usually stroll around."

"I don't want to interfere with your routine or relaxing or-"

"I want you to come."

And when he said it like that, we told Sarah goodbye and walked out the door with him. Sarah would be watching the kids during the fight so that they couldn't watch the fight. He held my hand and we walked in silence. It was still hot but with the shade from the buildings and the breeze, it felt good. It took us almost an hour to get there at the rate we'd been going but Steve didn't seem to mind and I had a feeling it wasn't supposed to be a fast pace anyway. We entered the park at the east entrance and I noticed the three sandy mounds at the corners of the field. Tall lights were littered around the edges of the trees. It looked as if baseball was played here.

I breathed out calmly and Steve squeezed my hand with a questioning look on his face. I grinned at him and he smiled back. He didn't buy it for one second but he let it go and I was grateful for that. It was a bright day and out here in the cool shade, everything seemed normal and perfect. We were just two people taking a stroll in the park with not a care in the world. Steve's countenance was sending out waves of tension. We walked along the cement path between the huge palm trees and I watched as Steve's face was hit with patches of light that made their way down from between the foliage. He was wearing faded jeans that fit loosely on him, sagging low on his waist and a gray t-shirt with Henley written on the front.

He stared straight ahead and if he hadn't had a death grip on my hand, I would have thought he had forgotten I was there. He didn't seem relaxed at all. In fact, he seemed to be terrified of wherever it was we were walking towards. I reached up with my other hand and stroked his arm while leaning into his side. He released my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulders keeping that same firm grip on me. I noticed how our strides matched up and we walked together quite well. I had a feeling that had more to do with Steve keeping my pace rather than my natural grace.

Soon the path started to clear out and off to our left was a small picnic area that had been landscaped. I paused and then led us over to a bench. He sat with his back against the table and settled me on his lap. I leaned my head down and pressed my face into his neck, kissing him there and nuzzling his jaw. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my head softly. He sighed heavily, so I peeked up at his face to see him staring off in front of us. Glaring, really. I turned my head and saw the bright neon sign through the trees. It took me a second to realize what it was and how it pertained to this little field trip.

Good Samaritan Hospital.

Instantly, I felt ill.

"If I get hurt and I need to be taken somewhere, that's where they'll take me. Tony knows a doctor in the ER who is good about keeping things like this quiet, so we go there. If anything happens to me, I have talked to Wanda's fiancé, James about what to do. I want you to promise me that you will continue to stay at the house with the kids and not do anything rash."

I was stunned. I was speechless. I was surprised. I was mad. I was so goddamned mad, I felt the red haze start to close in on my vision.

"Steve Rogers, you listen to me. You are going to get in that ring tonight and you are going to kick that asshole's ass. Do you hear me?! I will not hear you talking like this! You are going to be fine! I am going to be fine! The kids are going to be fine We are both going to be fine!"

Unfortunately, my angry tirade soon turned into a mess of tears and he began rocking me and murmuring how sorry he was that he upset me. It only made the sobs come harder and I felt so stupid for making this worse.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just…I don't want to hear you talk like that. You're the strongest person I know and I know you'll win this fight."

That was a bald-faced lie. He was the strongest person I knew; I was freaking out that he was going to get hurt and I was going to have to drive from the fight to the hospital in what would be utter freak out mode but saying that was not proactive right now, so I lied. I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Woman's intuition was kicking into overdrive. I suddenly felt like any moment, I was going to turn the corner and find him on the ground.

_Steve can do this. He will be fine. I will take care of him and everything will be fine._

I repeated that mantra over and over again to myself; as if somehow the words would materialize into a giant club and kill that Rumlow bastard. We sat on the bench for a little longer. Steve seemed to relax a little and on our way back to the house he stopped to look out over the baseball field. I saw a small smile play at his lips as he looked down at me.

"My mom used to play with me with I was little. It was the only thing we ever really did together. I stopped playing when I left home to pursue boxing." He said quietly.

I nodded my head and carefully placed this information in my 'Steve's Past" mental file. I smiled, perhaps a little tightly and we continued on walking before getting back to the house. Once back in the air conditioning, I went to the bathroom leaving the light off and ran a cool washcloth over my chest and neck, trying to swipe as much sweat off as possible. Steve's hand covered my own. I looked up at him in the mirror and he took the towel from my hand and rubbed it over my neck and shoulders. We were silent, just standing there. He kissed my shoulders and my neck gently. I did not want to cry but it was hard when he was being so sweet. He set the wet cloth down in the sink and spun me around, lifting me up and setting me on the counter. Placing himself between my legs he braced his hands on either side of my hips and leaned his head down on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and rested my own head against his neck.

"I don't want you there tonight."

"I'm going. You can't tell me what to do."

He sighed and I felt his hot breath run down my arm. My skin was getting warm and damp again from his body heat. I felt his hands lift up and settle on my waist, his thumbs pressing into the bones there.

"You mean the world to me, you know?"

"I know. You mean the world to me, too. I'm going to be there for you tonight. This is apart of who you are. I accept that. Just try and accept that this is who I am. I have to be there, Steve."

He nodded and placed a kiss below my ear. I leaned back and looked into his eyes. The only light in the bathroom was coming from the bedroom sunlight. The door was wide open and casting a shadow on the right side of his face. He looked pained. I smoothed my hand over his brows hoping to ease the tension there. His eyelids dropped and he exhaled in a shuddering breath. My fingertips found the raised indention of his cut, where he was stitched up so many weeks ago. It seemed like so much longer.

We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled away from me. It was sad how the foot of distance between us felt like a mile. I could see it in the way he was standing, the way his face slackened and his shoulders were set. He was detaching himself from me. He was pushing me away right now. He's been doing that since he saw his father. Making this situation devoid of any emotion, to make it that much easier to do what he was about to do. I knew I should have been doing the same but I couldn't stand it. He was the first good thing to happen to me in years and I couldn't stand the thought of losing him, even for a few hours.

"Don't do that. Don't. I can't stand that. Please, don't shut me out."

His blank mast stayed in place before I saw his eyes soften and his jaw unlocks. I wonder if he thought he was that good at hiding his feelings. He kinda sucked at it. Or maybe it just seemed that way to me because I had been around him almost 24/7 for over a month. He reached up and stroked my cheek, leaned forward and kissed me on the lips softly. I kissed him back and he pulled away, walking out of the bathroom and leaving me to wonder if that kiss was an 'I'm sorry but have to' or an 'I'm sorry, I won't do it again.'

I clenched my teeth in irritation. I'm almost positive that was an 'I'm sorry but I have to.'

Tamping down the urge actually growl out loud, I hopped off the counter and sauntered into the living room to plop down on the couch, only to have Zeus follow suit and lay next to my feet.

He'd better not be thinking of ways to trick me out of going to the fight. He soon walked out of his office toting a small duffel bag. I glanced up at him from my book, the one I wasn't really reading and smiled at him. I think I looked constipated though, so I stopped trying to force it. He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"I'm going to head down to there now and start my warm-ups. I'll see you before I go in?"

"You know I'll be there."

_Now's your chance, tell him..._

He smiled at me and walked out the door. Once the locks were in place and I heard the car pulling away, I really felt the walls closing in on me in the giant house. I wanted to leave and go with him to his warm-ups but he hadn't invited me and I didn't know if that was something he had to do alone.

_You're a coward, Natasha._

For the past couple of months, he had been training with some overseas guy named Thor, though his real name was Thorald Odinson. Strange, I know. Thor and Steve apparently went back in their high school days, along with Wanda's fiancé and Tony. Thor was a boxer too before retiring to be with his family. Now, he back in the ropes to get Steve prepared for this fight since Roman didn't.

Steve won't admit it, but Roman not being here for him hurt him, deeply. Roman tried reaching out a few times but Steve wouldn't hear about it. As far as I'm concerned, Steve wanted nothing to do with him.

The phone rang suddenly and I almost jumped out of my skin.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me, Tony."

"Oh, hey. Steve just left to go to the gym."

"Oh, I'll just try his cell again. Are you going?"

"Ummm, yeah?"

"Oh. I just didn't think Steve would allow you to go."

"Allow me?"

"That's not how I meant that and you know it. This is a very important match Natasha, and it could get brutal. Even Peggy couldn't handle it. There is no way we can watch over you at the same time. We will take good care of Steve."

Choosing to overlook his 'someone like you' comment, I tried to put as much civility into my voice as possible. It didn't really help though.

"That's sweet Tony, really, my vagina thanks you for all the thoughtfulness but I'm going. You can't stop me and neither can Steve."

He couldn't help but laugh, "So it seems. See you there, darlin'."

"Bye Stark."

Jumping up, I headed for the bedroom and quickly showered. I couldn't help but smile, thinking about the activities Steve and I had been partaking in here earlier.

I dressed in my only pair of nice jeans and a nice black top. I tried fixing my hair and gave up on styling it, deciding that the best I could do was a ponytail then I glared at the tiny makeup bag for about ten seconds before I just globed on some lip gloss and called myself done.

I checked myself in the mirror to see if anything was visible in my stomach region. I knew it was silly, but I just had to make sure.

By the time I was done getting ready, it was about six-fifteen and I was sure I would need extra time to get there in case I got lost. Hopping into my car, it roared to life and I chugged down the street to downtown L.A Staples Center. I pulled in near the street, ensuring that I had a way out and that even if anyone parked around me, I could still just pull forward and leave.

After getting through the front entrance and walking backstage, blocking my way were three large men standing around an entrance and smoking.

"Um, I'm looking for Steve Roger's locker room."

"And who might you be, pretty thing?"

"Ummm…I just want to know where to go…"

"Why don't you stay out here with us for a bit?"

The only one speaking to me was a tall dark haired man. He had dark tanned skin and was just as big as Steve. He leaned forward and reached out a hand to grab at my hair.

"I'm Rumlow's trainer. He's fighting tonight you know? My boy is going to win for sure."

I opened my mouth to tell him to fuck off when another voice did it for me.

"Stop messing with my friend's girl, mate."

I looked up and saw Thor's face looming over them. I smiled at him gratefully and walked between the men. They stared me down and glared at Thor. He just smiled back at them sweetly and threw an arm over my shoulder, leading me toward another door.

"What are you, her owner?" The guy asked.

"Watch it, Sitwell, you wouldn't want to give Rogers a reason would you?"

Thor turned his attention to me. "I was waiting for you to show up. Tony said you might not know where to come inside."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. How is he?"

"He's good, but he always is."

I smiled at him and he grinned back at me. We were trying to be strong for each other and it made me die a little inside knowing that. Something told me we both knew what was going to happen tonight.

"This place is huge."

"The Gabba back home is a lot better." Thor grinned.

I stifled a giggle at the humor in Thor's voice.

I felt that prickle of fear hit me again when I saw the mat in the center of the stadium. It looked almost brand new and lacked the gray scuffs in the center of the white canvas that I had come to see at The Ring. There were two rows of metal chairs directly around the arena and metal bleachers behind them. All the stuff looked new.

Following Thor, I started to really feel out of place here. I wasn't sure if it had to do with the reason I was here or the place itself. As we were approaching a hallway that looked to be heading toward offices, someone flicked on more of the overhead lighting and the place illuminated brightly. I squinted my eyes against the sudden light and almost bumped into Thor when I jumped. Thor opened a door halfway down the hallway and I saw Steve leaning against a desk. I felt my insides melt when I saw him. He was wearing a pair of red, white and blue shorts with a matching robe that had his name on the back of it He had on a pair of tall boots and his ankles and his hands were being taped up. Bucky was currently taping up his left hand. He looked up at me and grinned. Bucky rolled his eyes and hit his fists with the flat of his palm. They nodded at each other and I stepped into the room and stayed in the corner, giving them room to do their thing.

Steve held his hand out to me and I went to him, glad to have contact with him. He wrapped his arms around me and I leaned against him as he leaned back on the desk. Thor just had to go and ruin the moment.

"Alright, now just remember what we went over during training. Watch the rabbits, the kidney punches and definitely watch for his liver punches…you know how much Rumlow favors them. Remember that you are faster than he is and you're better at blocking, so use that to your advantage. In the sparring you two have done in the past, I've noticed that he gets a little hot-headed around the second round so make sure you save up your energy for that one, it should be his downfall and - "

His pep talk was interrupted by a knock at the door. Thor furrowed his brows and opened the door.

"Thirty minutes until they announce."

"We got it."

That rock in my stomach really needed to stop bouncing around. Thor continued speaking to him while helping him put on his thin white and blue gloves. They had a pitiful amount of padding over the knuckles and looked more like mittens with the tops cut off.

"Anyway, we're going twelve rounds in this one mate. Try to save your energy for the first round and lay into him heavy on the second. We'll regroup on the third if we get there and then hopefully never see the fourth but I think we might be in this 'til the tenth or eleventh round."

Steve nodded and squeezed me tightly before releasing me and we filed out of the room.

I sat in a corner chair right behind Thor and Bucky's spot at Steve's corner. There were people all over the place and in the short amount of time we were in the office, the place exploded with rich people. I looked at some of the arm candy around me and felt so shitty wearing jeans. Sucking it up, I realized I was here for Steve and he didn't care if I was wearing a sack. I focused in on his face as he jumped and shook his arms around. He was so fucking hot. I sighed and then mentally slapped myself because he was about to get hit multiple times. Thor rubbed down his shoulders and neck while Bucky shoved a clear rubber mouth guard into his mouth. He then grabbed a water bottle and handed it to Steve. He tossed it back and took a few gulps. I was a little out of it as I watched his throat muscles moving and his back arching drank. I had it bad.

Steve raised his head and found my eyes instantly. I smiled at him and he walked over to me. When I stood he took my neck in one hand, roughly wrapped the other around my waist and kissed me hard. He kissed me very, very, very hard. I almost bit my lip. It didn't stop it from being one of the best fucking kisses of my life but the desperation, the fear behind the kiss floored me. I felt the heat rise to my face when I realized we were still in a crowded room waiting and I was making out with a half-naked Steve. When he finally pulled away, we were both breathing hard and panting. He leaned his head against mine and spoke.

"Please leave, Nat. I can't do this if you're watching, Natasha. Please? I won't be able to think straight if I know you're right here. For me, just wait outside. It will all be over soon and we can move on."

The urgency he used when he spoke made me feel guilty. I didn't want to be the reason he got hurt. Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked away, trying desperately to hide the emotions there. I didn't want him to see my fear.

"Okay, I'll leave. But so help me God, Steve, you'd better be walking out of here later. You have to come back to me."

"Shhhh. Nothing could keep me away from you. Nothing. Now, run, Natasha. Run and wait for me."

A short burly man stepped out into the center of the ring and began announcing the fight. I held my breath and Steve turned to enter the canvas.

"In the blue corner! Weighing in approximately one hundred and ninety-four pounds, with the record of 45-0, Steve Rogers!"

The voice took on a playful tone like he was at the carnival introducing the clowns or elephants. Steve stared at the canvas as the man spoke and didn't acknowledge the crowd cheering. Many of the women in the crowd began to leer at him.

"In the red corner, weighing in approximately one hundred and ninety pounds, with the record of 36-0, He is the heavyweight champion of the world, Brock Rumlow!"

Rumlow was nothing like I had imagined he would be. He was built up much like Steve but with tanned skin and jet black hair. His shorts were black and gold. He even looked like a cheater. Steve turned his steely glare on me, so I did what he asked of me.

I turned and made my way down the crowded aisle. There were people and security standing everywhere, packed into the large stadium room trying to see what was going on. They all held similar pink slips of paper, which I assume was proof of whoever they bet on. Suddenly, my stomach heaved and I felt sick. All these people were trying to make a dime off of Steve's pain. All these people don't care about what happens to him after the fight. They only want one thing.

I found the doors to the side lot that I had parked in and took in a huge gulp of fresh air. I felt like shit for being out here when he was in there. I crouched down against the brick wall and rocked back on my heels. Taking in gulp after gulp of hair and trying not to vomit. I looked down and placed my hand on my stomach.

_You know what you have to do. You know why. He needs you. He might not say it now, but he needs you. And we need him._

I pulled what I had left of my resolve and strength out of the reserves and stood up, shaking like a leaf but standing. I re-entered the building and I made it all the way to the far wall before I had to catch my breath. I was in a darker corner and when I turned around I could see the ring clearly.

Before I could react the bell dinged signaling the first round and my eyes snapped to Steve's predatory frame. I couldn't move, I could barely breathe. I clutched my fists to my chest and watched as he took to the mat. Rumlow came forward and they bumped fists. Rumlow smiled and the sickness in my stomach grew tenfold.

They started off bouncing and circling each other. The four-minute round lasted forever and two minutes into it, neither of them had yet to land a hit. Steve made the first contact and delivered a right jab to Rumlow's face. Rumlow sneered at him and they continued their circling. In an instant, everything just snapped and they were throwing wild punches at each other. They were punching and swinging and dodging. I couldn't keep up. When the round ended, Steve was pulled back by Thor. Sitwell snatched at Rumlow, forcing him to retreat to his corner. Thor handed Steve his water bottle and he took a few swigs before standing again and focusing on Rumlow.

The rounds flew by and whenever I asked Thor how he was doing, I always received the same response 'he's fine'. That was until the bell went on round 6, and Rumlow landed a devastating blow to Steve's hips. A loud roar of pain escaped his lips as he collapsed on the mat.

"Stop the fight! Stop the fight!" I demanded to Thor, but he ignored my wailing and instead of answering me he headed over to Steve, along with a few other people who tend to help with injuries. Steve winced in pain as they try to pry his hands away from his ribs.

"Damn it, Rogers!" Thor grunted. "Can you still fight?"

"Yeah," Steve spat a small batch of blood into the white bucket near his feet. "I'm fine."

"No, I'm calling this fight mate."

Steve's face hardened as he looked into Thor's face, "You call this fight and I'll kill you."

Thor was a little shaken by his threat but he hid it well, "How do you expect to keep fighting, your ribs are broke!"

"I have to do this, I have to."

How can he be so calm over this? Now is not the time to be calm, now is the time to freak out and scream bloody murder.

"Steve..."

Steve got on his feet and walked back into the lion's den.

"Stop the fight!" I yelled as round 7 began.

Round 7. When everything went wrong. It was only three minutes, and they were the worst three minutes of my life. Rumlow took advantage of the weakness of Steve's ribs and he aimed solely at that part of his body.

"Watch the rib! Keep it covered!" Thor would yell. Nothing seemed to work and soon half of his face was covered in blood.

I couldn't look. I thought I would have managed, but watching Steve bleed all over the place was too much.

It felt like hours before the bell rang, but the second it did Thor and his men were in the ring seeing to Steve's face. I sat motionless when one of the guys caught my attention and waved me over. With a weak hand, Steve pointed his glove at me and said, "I don't... want you watching this... Please go to the locker room... we'll find you when it finishes."

"No! I'm not going anywhere. We're calling the fight!"

"Natasha... please."

"Stop the fight."

The guys wiped away all the blood and covered his cuts in some weird cream thing, then put Q-tips up each nostril. I think it helped control the bleeding, but I wasn't too sure. I was just impressed that they could do that to him without him sneezing all over the place. They finished the procedure by adding butterfly strips along the cut by his eye.

"These won't work miracles, so keep yourself protected and do what you can to stay on your feet. You've got at least another round in you; don't give up yet."

Steve looked at me once more before heading back out there. We didn't say anything, but he knew what was running through my mind.

I was beyond pissed.

I looked up to see the Ring Girl coming off the ring with a sign signaling the sixth round was starting and Steve standing up to get back in the match. I saw him sway slightly and shake his head. He put his arms up in a defensive move and stumbled to his left.

He was broken, bruised and battered. Then the people around me swallowed me again and my vision of Steve was lost. Before I could react, I saw Steve falling onto his knees. Rumlow grinned at him cockily as the ref started the count. Steve retaliated by spitting blood at his foot, and that pissed Rumlow off.

Rumlow struck him once again and the bell was rung immediately. It's over.

Steve was lying on the mat, blood seeping from his mouth and Rumlow frowning down at his prone figure.

I wanted to scream. I wanted to kick and scratch and rail. But all I could do was slide my belly onto the canvas and pull myself toward him. I rolled him into my arms and held onto him tightly. Bucky was by my side instantly. Thor was shouting around and waving his arms. I couldn't hear anything. The volume was way down and everything outside of and around me and Steve was a blur. My vision raked over his body and I noticed the redness and swelling coming from his ribs and arms. His cheekbone was swelling and his left eye was puffy, his lower lip was bloody and red. I ran my thumb over his lips and then I drifted my hand lower to place it over his chest and felt his heart beating wildly. His eyes were fluttering quickly and he was moaning. Tears were streaming down my face and I was aware of the crowd going wild. The reporters were running and yelling, most trying to get on the canvas; others trying to leave.

Thor and Buck grabbed Steve and hauled him off the mat. I followed but stopped before the door. I turned around and saw Rumlow watching us leave with a smug look on his face, but it was immediately replaced with anger when the referee snatched the belt from his arms. At least something good came from this...

Those damn traitorous tears were giving me away despite my rigid posture and my head held high.

I made it outside before retching against my car. I yanked open the rusting door and got in; heading toward the hospital that Steve had shown me.

I felt emotionally numb and exhausted. I barely saw the traffic lights or the other drivers. My tears were coming in earnest now but I had yet to let out a sob. Gripping the wheel tightly, I pulled into the parking lot and saw Thor's Ram truck parked near the ER entrance. I sucked in a shaky breath and willed myself to calm down and go inside. But the longer I sat there, the harder it was to get out. Getting out of the car meant going inside and seeing him like that. It meant coming to terms with losing him. I looked over at the passenger seat and saw the bloody towel crumpled up in a heap. I picked it up and pressed a clean spot to my face and breathed it in. Steve's sweat and scent were all over it. That spicy sweetness that I loved. I cried into the towel and used it to wipe my face down.

I had to go inside. I had to tell them what I had heard. I had to help him. I had to make this better. I had to. No matter how badly I wanted to sit here, close my eyes and pretend today never happened, I had to be what he needed me to be.

_I'm coming, Steve. I'm coming. You were there for me, now it's my turn._

I slid out of the truck and walked into the hospital to find the man that owned my heart and soul. It was funny how well he had used that word. Owned. I smiled weakly and walked through the sliding doors, walking up to the front desk.

"Hi, I need to find Steve Rogers. He was just brought in a moment ago."

I'm here, Steve. A hand ghosted over my stomach. We're here.

And we're never going to leave you again.


	13. XII

_Natasha's POV_  
_"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."_  
_— Suzanne Collins_

* * *

_**XII|TORN** _

The woman at the front desk eyed me suspiciously. I smiled at her but I'm sure it looked as forced as it felt.

"And what relation do you have to Mr. Rogers?"

"I'm his – "

"Natasha!"

I turned to see James and Thor jogging towards me. They didn't look too upset and I felt a small bit of tension disappear. Thor reached me and pulled me into his arms; I felt like a sardine in a can. The physical contact brought back the tears and I sniffled loudly against his chest. He rubbed my head and made soothing noises. I felt James's cool hand against my arm and looked over at him. He smiled weakly and nodded his head.

"He's going to be okay. He's going into shock and they are trying to stabilize him." James's soothing voice washed over me and I relaxed into his embrace.

"He needs me in there." My emotions were ragged again and I didn't know if it was possible to feel any more tired and wide awake as I did right then.

James passed me to Thor and then took off down to the hall, where I'd hoped he was going to inform Steve's doctor about what I had told him.

"How are you feeling kiddo?"

"Don't call me kiddo. And I'm freaking out."

"Steve's strong. He is in top physical shape. I won't lie and say he's going to just bounce right back but he is going to make it and he will be just fine. They're going to fix him up."

I rested my head on his broad chest and let out the breath that I had been holding. My face felt swollen and my nose was no longer considered an airway.

James rounded the corner, slightly out of breath, and approached us.

"The doctor is going to run some x-rays on him right now. They finally wheeled him out of the wreck room and have him stable in the ICU. They're denying visitors until tomorrow."

My knees went weak and Thor braced me against him. I gripped his arms but it was feeble at best. James's soothing touch on my back alerted me to his proximity. I took a deep breath and pushed away from Thor. I stood on my own, straightening my back and lifting my chin. I had to be strong for Steve. I had to do whatever it was he needed me to do.

"I'll run you back home Natasha. You can get cleaned up and we'll pick you up on our way back to the hospital. Okay?"

I nodded at Thor and hesitated, looking over at the woman behind the desk.

"They know to notify us if anything happens, Natasha."

I looked at James with doubt in my eyes but acquiesced anyway and let them lead me out of the hospital. Thor shuffled me into the back of the Jeep and James slid into the passenger seat. The ride to the house was silent and tense. We got out of the Jeep and I stopped when they followed me into the foyer. Going up those stairs without Steve seemed wrong. It felt as if I were taking a step out of turn, without him. Swallowing hard, I climbed the stairs and made it into the house before breaking down. I slid down the door, sobbing until my head pounded and I had no means of breathing through my nose anymore. Snot and tears ran down my face and congealed on my hands.

I thought the comforting smell of Steve's things would make me feel better but they just reminded me of him being alone in that ICU room. With that in mind, a fire was lit under my ass and I ran into the bathroom, refusing to linger on any memories.

I am going to stop saying goodbye to someone who is still here. He is still here and everything is going to be okay.

I yanked the handle in the shower stall and stripped as the steam filled the room. Jumping under the spray, I quickly showered and toweled off. I walked into the closet and did my best to ignore the way his smell was strongest there. I didn't even want to think about lying down on the bed. I tossed on a pair of jeans and one of Steve's old T-shirts. Grabbing an empty duffel bag, I started collecting some of his things. Jeans, shirt, boxers, socks, shoes, undershirt…can't forget his undershirt…and a few clothes for me. I wandered into the bathroom again and gathered his shampoo and conditioner, shaving products, and a few towels. The ones at the hospital sucked.

I didn't wait for Thor or James. I skipped down the stairs, taking them as quickly as possible without breaking my neck and bolted out the front door. It took Steve and me almost an hour to get to the park at a slow walk. I made it there in fifteen minutes running. After needing five minutes to catch my breath, I entered the lobby again and I walked up to a different woman at the reception counter.

"I'm here for Steve Rogers. I know they said he's in the ICU and that he isn't allowed visitors but I was wondering if you could let me know when they are letting him have them…"

"What's your name ma'am?"

“Natasha Romanoff . I'm Steve's girlfriend."

"Alright, well if you want to leave me with a number where I can reach you…"

"Oh no, that won't be necessary. I'll be right over there."

She just blinked, so I smiled at her and walked over to a seriously abused bench and sat down. Two hours later I woke up to someone shaking my shoulder.

"James, I'm not leaving."

"I'm not telling you to. But Thor and I are going downstairs for something to eat and you're coming with us."

I groaned and let him to pull me up and drag me down the hallway. I caught a whiff of the familiar smell of a hospital cafeteria. Burnt coffee and tuna. My stomach found it appealing, growling. James smirked at me and Thor was already in the line pulling things down onto his tray.

Pig.

I settled for a chicken salad and bottle of pineapple juice. James went the Thor route, piling on an assortment of random food. Mostly dessert.

"Have you heard anything?" I was fifty-fifty on really wanting to know the answer to that question.

"His heart rate is stable. They're moving him out of the ICU and into a regular room in a few hours. They uh…they have him in an induced coma."

It's one of those moments where you half expect the world to kinda bump off its axis and go hurling into the sun. One of those things where you expect time to slow down until its crawling so you can have those extra precious moments to figure out why you can't move or think. But nothing like that happened. The dull chatter in the cafeteria continued. James still looked at me like I was going to cut his throat and Thor was still shoveling food in his mouth at a rate that would choke a mortal man.

I blinked, my loaded fork frozen inches away from my mouth, which was wide open.

"His body needs time to recover from the drugs. If they wake him up now, they don't know how his heart will take the stress. They also found out what was put in his water. It was a drug cocktail of Amytal, Tranxene, and Percocet. There were at least five other drug compounds identified but I can't remember their names and the doctor said those were the ones that really hurt him. Basically, the gist of this is that his heart is really weak; they have to keep him in this coma until it's strong enough to take the stress of the withdrawal while he's conscience. He might have a heart attack if they wake him up now."

Suddenly the salad in front of me seemed disgusting and all I wanted was to find Rumlow and kill the bastard.

"What are we going to do about this?"

"I don't know but I do know that right now we need to focus on Steve's recovery. Then we can form some sort of plan to handle the rest.”

I nodded. James seemed to understand that I wasn't going to finish my salad and took it with his discarded food and threw them away.

I resumed my perch on that stupid uncomfortable bench and waited.

Three days. He was in a coma for three days. They allowed no visitors at all during that time, however as soon as they took him off the IV and let his body awaken on its own, we were allowed in to see him.

I was currently standing outside the door and listening attentively as his doctor spoke of what they expected of his recovery.

"…As I said, I don't expect him to wake up today. We only just took him off the benzodiazepines a few minutes ago and it usually takes a whole twenty-four hours to achieve any kind of lucidity. I will allow you visitation, so long as you keep the noise to a minimum and don't try to wake him at all. When he does wake up, there will be obvious side effects of the narcotics in his system. He will be confused, sensitive to light, and he can hallucinate. He might not make any sense if he talks."

I nodded my head quickly and wanted to yell at him to just let us in the damn room. He gave us all a stern look and turned the doorknob, letting the door swing open and gestured for us to enter.

My breathing stopped and I clutched my stomach when I saw him. He was so pale. The gauzy blankets lay around him, thickly guarding his body against the chill of the room. Despite the frigid temperature and the blankets, he was sweating. My hand went out, of its own accord, and swept the hair from his face. He had an oxygen tube looped under his nose and various lines leading from his arms and from under the blankets. His face was red and bruised but no longer swollen, and his eyelids were purple and green hued. Tears traveled down my face.

"Hey, you."

Thor's large hand pulled my arm away from Steve's face and he wrapped me up in a hug.

"Hey, he's fine. He's going to be okay. You have to be strong for him, Natasha. We all have to. Steve did this because it's what he does. We're just going to have to be here for him. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something you didn't do."

I leaned into Thor and nodded against his shoulder. I settled down in the hard plastic bucket seat next to Steve's bed and scooped up his hand. It was swollen but none of his fingers were broken or bandaged. I kissed his fingers and laid my head down on his forearm. It felt good to touch him, to feel his solidness under my cheek and hear his breathing.

The hours passed in silence. Thor and James came and went. Wanda stopped by with Sarah and the kids, leaving drawings behind to show how much he was loved. I slept in the chair. I used the small bathroom off to the side and didn't leave when the doctor came in to check his vitals. Around three in the morning, the doctor came in and cleared his throat.

"I would tell you to leave but I'm under the impression that would do more damage than repair."

I simply looked up at him. My eyes felt dry and my throat sore. I couldn't even muster the energy at that point to nod at him.

"He's going to be alright. I'm not going to tell you that he'll just miraculously wake up and be okay again but with the proper care and some time, he will be just fine. They say that talking to people when they're out like this…they say it helps."

He placed a hand on my shoulder as I turned to look back at Steve's slack face. "You should really take it easy, expecting mothers should be relaxed."

Before I could respond, his hand dropped and I heard the door shut as he left.

"Um…so I don't know what to say right now. I miss you. I miss you so much it's not even funny. I don't know how you managed to turn my world upside down in such a short amount of time but you did. I love you, Steve. I love you so fucking much and it's scaring the shit out of me. Everyone keeps saying you'll be fine and I hope you don't make liars out of them. I'm trying so hard right now to be strong for you Steve. I want you to come back and be okay again. I won't lie, I'm so selfish. I want you to come back because I need you. The girls and Cade need you." I place a hand over my belly," Our child needs you to make this okay again. So, please just wake up and let me see those eyes and that smile. I'll do anything for that.

James and Thor are here, too. Well, not in this room right now but they're in the hospital and they're waiting for you to wake up just like I am. Wanda came with the kids and your mother. We all miss you. I, um…I don't know what else to tell you other than I love you and that I can't breathe without you here, so please come back for me. Come back and make it all okay again.

I know what you're going to do when you wake up and I want to tell you now when you can't say anything back to me, that I'm not going anywhere. This is just something that I have to accept about you and what you do. But I want you to know…that I love you and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. You promised me that we would be together forever and I'm holding onto that promise. So, come back Steve. Wake up. Please, please wake up…"

The tears won out in the end and I felt my throat constrict with a sob. I laid my head down on the sheet beside his arm and pressed my face into the stiff cotton.

He has to wake up. He just has to. I can't do this without him.

It took two days. Two long days for him to wake up. And when he did, I was fucking sleeping. The first thing I realized when my eyes decided to cooperate with the rest of my waking mind was that it was very bright where I was. And before I even opened them, I heard Tony's voice.

"So the general manager says that Rumlow has been stripped of his title and has therefore been given to yours truly."

"I don't think he cares." James hissed at him.

I felt the soft pads of Steve's fingers stroking my cheek and became aware of the odd angle at which I was laying. I felt my leg asleep underneath me, pinned between my ass and the chair. My torso was laying half on the bed, half off and my left arm was under my head which was turned to the right at a severe angle. I felt the drool seeping out of my mouth and then a second later the blush creeping up my neck and over my face. I glanced up and turned around to see Steve lying propped up on three pillows. The bed had been raised up some so that he could see around the room easily. I must have looked retarded sitting there staring at him with my mouth hanging open and drool coming out one side. He smiled weakly at me and smoothed my hair back before wiping away my spit with his thumb. I blushed harder and looked down but not for very long. I couldn't keep my eyes off his.

I looked at him and smiled. He took my hand in his and squeezed it. When he spoke his voice was very scratchy and hoarse.

"Hey, Romanoff."

"Hey, Rogers."

He was awake. He was okay. He came back to me. I grinned at him and his shoulders slumped as he smiled back at me.

Score! We won!

"You two remind me of Carol and me," I looked over at Thor and giggled at the remark.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Half an hour, maybe. You need to go home and get some sleep."

"Um, I'm sorry but I've been waiting here for five days for you get up. I'm not leaving now that what I have been waiting for has finally happened. How do you feel? Do we need to go get the doctor?"

"We've already told the nursing staff that Steve's awake. The doctor should be in here when he has a moment." James informed.

"Hey, kid." A deep voice said from the doorway.

We all turned and was met by Roman's friendly face, "I saw the fight back at home, you were a resilient man in that ring. Heart of a lion."

Steve's face immediately scrunched up in anger, "Do you think I give a damn about being resilient?"

"Steve..."

"It's alright, Nat," Roman assured.

"This is what you predicted, right?" Steve was starting to shake a little, his hands quivering in mine. "I was gonna lose right from the start, right?"

"Kid, come on. He's a lot bigger than you and that reach..."

"Why would I take advice from you now, huh?" Steve pressed, his voice croaking into weak groans, "You want to coach me after I get my ass kicked, huh?"

"Come on, Steve. Give him a break." Tony pressed.

Roman looked away in shame, "Look at me, Roman."

He didn't.

"Look at me," Steve said a little more firm, and this time he did.

"This is what you wanted."

"I'm sorry." Roman began to slowly back before finally walking out the doorway.

Steve hastily wiped his face, "I want a re-match."

All three of us turned to look at Steve. I felt as if I should rub my eyes and pinch myself just to be sure this wasn't a nightmare.

"Uh, no. That's not a good idea, mate."

"I agree. That's the worst idea I've ever heard." I glanced at Thor with appreciation. At least I had someone else in my corner.

"I think if that's what you want then that's what we'll do." My appreciation shifted to malice as I glared at Tony. Traitor.

"I don't care what any of you think. I'm getting a re-match, with or without your support and I'm going to beat Rumlow. I can't let this go."

I was confused and kinda pissed off. Did he want to leave me? Did he want to die?

"Thor, we've known each other for years. Tony, make the call. I want a re-match."

"Steve, you have the belt. What more could you want?"

"I _want_ a fucking rematch, make the call," Steve said slow and coldly, looking at him with a glare that made my spine shiver in fear.

"Alright. I don't like it, but I'll do it."

Steve nodded and James stared out the window.

"We will need proper time to train and get you back to where you were before this. You'll need weeks of rehab for your heart and lungs then another month or two of endurance and stamina training." James murmured, almost to himself.

Was I in the Twilight Zone? The world really did get knocked off its axis. I should get up and check to see how close we are to the sun; we should be headed right for it. What the hell is going on?

"You…are sitting in a hospital bed after you just woke up from a medically induced coma…your ribs are broken, you have a ruptured kidney…and you want to schedule a re-match?"

Steve looked at me blankly for a moment before answering.

"Yes."

"Are you out of your fucking mind? Do you have any idea…any idea what I went through watching you, waiting for you to wake up? And now, just to twist the knife while it's still fresh, you say you want to do this again?"

"I don't expect you to understand. I have to do this. I'm not going to sit here and lick my wounds while that asshole gloats and rubs the shit in my face. I am better than him. I know I am. I'm going to do this my way."

"You are better than him. But I don't want you to get hurt again."

"Do you think I get my ass beat because I like it? Do you think I want to do this for the rest of my life? No! I don't! But I have to because I have bills to pay! I have kids to take care of! I have you! I have to take care of you, Peggy!"

The verbal slap to the face hit me hard and I stared at him, wide-eyed. He seriously did not just say that. Tell me I'm hearing things. I shook my head to try and clear it but nothing worked. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

His eyes widened when he realized what he had just done, "Nat...I,"

"Stop. You know what? Just stop. Here's a bag of clothes and your bathroom stuff. I'll check on you later."

"Natasha, wait, please let me just explain…"

But I was already down the hall and bee-lining for the door. I had to get out of here. This place was suffocating me. Fresh air. I looked out over the lot and saw my car still in the same spot as it was when I first came here; the night he was first brought in. I walked slowly until I reached the cab and pulled the keys out of my pocket. Sliding onto the car seat, I leaned my head against the steering wheel and tried to cry. I tried to let it out but it wouldn't come. A streak of white caught my eyes and I looked down to see that damn towel marring my world. The blood had dried on it and when I picked it up, it was stiff and hard. I rubbed it between my hands then threw it back down on the car seat before cranking up the car and leaving the hospital and what I thought was my whole world.

It's not that I was angry about his decision to fight again. I knew that was inevitable. It was what he did and I had accepted that. It was that he was willingly engaging the same asshole to go through the shit again. Did he honestly have no concern over how we would feel about this? Of course, Tony would be behind him. Of course, he would. Thor at least had enough brains in him to realize this was stupid. Five days. Five long days of hearing doctors talk about brain damage, heart problems, and kidney failure. Five long fucking days of not knowing a damn thing and he wants to jump back in the ring with this asshole. He was being selfish. He was being selfish and prideful and not thinking about the consequences. Of how this choice, this decision was affecting those around him.

Then...he calls me Peggy as if I was an afterthought.

What kind of shit is that? And what do I do now? What does he want from me? What does he want me to say?

Hey, thanks for sacrificing your body baby. When you're brain dead and in a coma, I'll be out spending all your money just like you wanted so you can finally be with the woman you've always wanted.

Ugh! If I wanted to deal with clueless assholes, I would have stayed with Bruce. I couldn't decide what pissed me off more - the fact that he was instigating a re-match or the fact that he called me Peggy.

There were so many shades of fucked up in this whole thing. He was fighting before he ever met me. He continues to fight even though he has tons of money saved up. He could retire, and make time for his girls and family. But no, he fights. He fights...and he gets hurt. Every time.

I looked down at my feet and tapped them idly on the bench below me. I had managed to go a whopping two blocks before circling the car at a parking lot. I sat in the same spot that Steve had brought me to and stared at the neon hospital sign. I had never felt this emotionally invested in someone and now that I am, the guy turns out to be clinically retarded. Rolling my eyes, I leaned back and took a deep breath, slowly exhaling.

I have two options. I can suck it up, go back in there and tell him that I support him in this because I love him. Or I can grab my shit and leave town.

Option A: face your fears and prove you love him.

Option B: be a coward and run away. Again.

My eyes glanced at the engagement ring on my finger and I sighed. Well, when you say it like that…

I huffed the entire walk back to the car and practically idled back into the hospital parking lot. It had been close to four hours now and the sun was setting behind the generators off to the side of the building. I tried to calm my breathing as I made my way down the hall and to his room. Thor and Tony had gone but James was sitting in my vacated chair and his head was bowed down next to Steve's as they talked intensely, probably forming some sort of plan for this fight.

When I entered the room, Steve looked up at me with a remorseful look on his face. James turned and gave me a sad nod. I nodded back as he rose from the chair and left the room.

"Look, before you say anything - if you're going to do this…I support you. But don't you dare say that you're doing it for me. I refuse to be the reason that you do this. I won't let you put that on my shoulders. You do this because it's what you want to do. I am not an obligation. You are not obligated to take care of me. I can take care of myself. So if you're going to do this rematch, then fine, I'm behind you. I'll help you train if you want. But don't make me the reason for this stupidity."

He took a calming breath and looked at his hands. The large plastic sleeve over his index finger, connecting him to the heart monitor, tapped against his palm.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things earlier. And you're right. I don't do this for you. I do it for me. But I also do it because I want to be able to take care of you. I've never had anyone to take care of before. I've never had anyone I cared enough about to want to take care of before. This is new for me Natasha. I don't know how to tell you what I'm feeling. I'm angry most of the time. I'm full of this…pent up energy. But when I'm with you, I calm down. I can focus. I make choices now with you and the kids in mind. I don't want to be selfish; I want to think of you and your needs. I want to take care of you. I know you can take care of yourself and Cade. I won't delude myself into thinking that you need me. But I want you to need me. I need you. I need you so much. I know you don't like me fighting. I don't like the risk either but it's what I do best. It's what I am now. This probably isn't coming out right…"

"No, no it's perfect and I understand where you're coming from but you can't use me as an excuse. Do this for you. I understand the need to have a fair fight, really I do. You have to start treating me like an equal. I can't be this little woman in your eyes. I can't be some dependant. It's not who I am."

He shifted and peeked up at me through his lashes and I almost caved and went to him but I had to stand my ground.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling before speaking again.

"Look, if you want, I'll back out okay? I'll stop doing this and find other work. Just…don't leave me.:

My insides melted because he honestly treated me better than I deserved, but I had to ask, "Why did you call me Peggy?"

Steve sighed deeply before looking at me with intense eyes, "When Peggy was around, she hated me fighting. And she was a woman who wasn't afraid to speak her mind. So, when you said you didn't want me to do the same..."

"It reminded you of her." I finished for him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

I went over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed facing him. He pulled me closer and wrapped me in his arms. I snuggled into his neck, breathing deeply. Underneath the smell of his hospital gown and the antiseptic was Steve.

"Thank you for bringing me my things."

"Just shut up and kiss me."

He laughed and kissed me chastely but I wanted more. I sucked his lower lip into my mouth and he moaned before opening up to slip me his tongue. We made out like teenagers on his hospital bed and then I snuggled up next to him on the tiny mattress.

"Steve?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever do this to me again, I'll kick your ass."

"If I ever do this to you again, I'll let you."

"Good; I don't think I would be able to do it without your help."

He chuckled against my shoulder and pressed a kiss to the nape of my neck.

"Sleep, my Natasha. You and the baby need rest."

I pulled back quickly to see a goofy grin on his face, "How did you know?"

Steve reached over and grabbed his phone, his mother blowing it up with texts, "A little birdy told me."

"God, I'm going to kill that woman."

Steve placed his hands on my belly and gave me a look, "Ready?"

I placed my hands over his and nodded, "Ready."


End file.
